Why Do Atheists Believe in Neanderthals?

Posted on by Doc Bacon
Neanderthals are one

Neanderthals are one of the great gods in the pantheon of Atheistic spirituality.

There’s nothing children love more than a fabulous bedtime story. For America’s most ardent Atheists, the excitement over the Neanderthal legend is much the same. They thrill at the notion of a man-beast with supernatural powers throwing himself around the primordial sludge, beating his chest and howling at the moon. The image represents their darkest sexual desires and frees their minds to legitimize the foulest moral crimes. It is lust and insanity and pain all wrapped up in a myth so delicious, it’s launched a thousand Hollywood fables.

But why do so many seemingly intelligent people get lured into this reckless world of false belief?

1. Indoctrination into Atheism
The Good News has been censored from much of this world. It is maddening to think of all the communist dictatorships and Islamic caliphates that prevent their people from accepting Christ into their hearts.

Here at home, the crime of denying Jesus is even more heinous, for the Bible is freely available to all those who want it. Some are pushed into the Atheist trap by their parents. Others are lured into it on the internet or at university. In each case, the young person feels overwhelmed by a cultural trends that renounce God. To fill the gaping void left by His absence, Neatherdalism appears to answer the most basic questions of human existence. It says that we crawled out from the mud, and to the mud we shall return. It’s not a particularly sublime hypothesis, but no one has ever accused the Atheist thinker of profundity!

2. Indoctrination Into Sexual Degeneracy
Erogenous frustration leads many to make horrific life choices. This problem has become uniquely acute in an age when our young people are force fed a diet of violent sexual imagery. Pre-marital intercourse, masturbation and even homosexuality appear plausible in a left-leaning America under Barack Hussein Obama.

By definition, radical homosexuals necessarily believe in Neanderthals. In their minds, the mythical monster is part father figure and part rapist, that sweaty, hairy, dangerous ape they dream of encountering in the heat of the night.

Sex is, like any other narcotic, a highly addictive substance. Once you taste its bitter fruits, it can be quite difficult to go back. As the Atheist pursues these endless nights of wanton lust, he will seek some sort of “spirit guide” who condones his hellaciousness. In this way, the Neanderthal becomes the patron saint of sexual self-destructiveness. And the Atheist will worship his God of sensuality until the dawn.

Many teens feel threatened to accept the Neanderthal superstition.

Many teens feel forced to accept the Neanderthal superstition in order to seem cool and trendy.

3. Peer Pressure
The jungle gyms can be a cruel place for an awkward teenager. He will do anything to fit in with the “cool” crowd. Unfortunately this means taking risks and rebelling against family values. In such instances, the myth of the Neanderthal has great allure. The furry monster of “evolution” is the ultimate outsider, a filthy freak who has torn up the rulebook of good behavior. Yet once youngsters travel down this dark road, how long before they stop in at the crack house or call the corner of Prostitution and Abortion their new home?

4. Fear of Heaven
Contemplating the utter enormity of existence is too painful a task for some. They’d much prefer easy answers, an escape hatch from Heaven’s Gate. The legend of the Neanderthals says to these people that life simply doesn’t matter, that we should go wild and have fun. This type of Atheist often lacks something invariably humane, the ability to contemplate the beauty of Creation. He may be a simple person, one is is dangerously unaware of the ultimate fate of those who reject God.

While the rhetoric of Darwinian “evolution” may sketch out human history in the vaguest of terms for the simpleminded Atheist, the truth is that the cult of the ape-man is not a practical religion to live one’s life by.

5. Fear of Responsibility
Being a Christian and living a life according to Biblical Law is a very daunting task. Some are simply too lazy or uneducated to understand why this is so important. It doesn’t just help our souls, but also contributes to our communities and to the United States of America as a whole. Yet when the socialists promise free community college, welfare and Obamacare marijuana, God matters little for those who probably don’t deserve to be in the country in the first place.

6. Satanism
The forces of darkness should never be underestimated and this is never more true than when it comes to the Radical Atheist Elite. From Richard Dawkins to Ricky Gervais, the most militant Atheists have bartered away their souls for a few minutes of fame. In return, they are beholden to their Dark Lord and all he asks of them is new recruits. They will use any means necessary to recruit you into this fiery pit with them, from dangerous cult music and video games, to comic books and motion pictures containing subliminal messages of Illuminati power.

Yes, this is why the Neanderthal myth has become so fundamental to Militant Atheism today. Despite there being absolutely no Biblical evidence whatever for evolution or “ancient ancestors,” the Atheists truly loves the Neanderthals. In fact, many of the supposed skeletal remains showcased by Atheist scientists happen to be either shards of monkey bones or remnants of the physically deformed. Few in the business of “science” will publicly admit that so-called “carbon dating,” is little more than speculation based on the hocus-pocus of questionable 19th-century mechanics. And yet, the main stream media can’t stop shilling this controversial idea that the Earth is millions upon millions of years old!



About This Journalist

Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton, DDS and BOHDSc, is a retired physician who spent decades fighting on the frontlines of America’s healthcare fiasco. Today, he uses his journalism to inoculate citizens against our nation’s pandemic of socialism, scientism and sexual perversion.

  • Kaylee-Aurora

    Thanks Doc Bacon for the laughs. Libtards are so dumb they believe in every FAIRY tale!

    • Lefty Blitzer

      Well, many of us DON’T believe in the biggest fairy-tale of all time: the bible. But you brain-dead religionists do!

      • James Bruce

        lol. poor fool

    • The Bus From Speed™

      Like the one about the magical wizard in the sky who created everything just because? That one is my favorite.

    • Foxxblood

      Trolling is for brain dead morons.

  • Humble Hen

    I’d like any potential Atheists out there to do something for me.

    Please take a pad of paper and pencil. List all the hospitals that were started by Atheists. When you are finished with the list of hospitals and medical centers, then begin a list of all the relief organizations began by Atheists. When you are done listing all of those, then begin a list of all the orphanages around the world begun by Atheists. Also include those that rescue girls in danger of being trafficked and teach them a trade skill. You may need another pad of paper, but next, please begin a listing of all the feeding programs and soup kitchens began by Atheists. And next, any programs that offer hospice for the elderly. And all the organizations in communities that hand out food and help the disadvantaged reject alcohol and drugs.

    Now do the same for those very same organizations founded or run by Christians.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      This is utterly brilliant. I’m stealing this stumper!!!

    • Blanche Beecham

      Who wants to have rotor cuff surgery at the “Saint Worm Food Surgery Center”?

    • Lefty Blitzer

      And the only reason religionists form such organizations is so they can either force more converts into their nonsensical beliefs, or to control who gets what (like Catholic hospitals that limit women’s health care). It is far from philanthropy, it is just another religionist tool to convert and control. And by the way, the list of atheist organizations involved in such charity work is expanding daily. It probably has something to do with the historical physical (and death) threats towards atheists from “caring, good-hearted” religionists that has kept many from exposing themselves as atheists. You folks really need some education.

      • James Bruce

        and…the only reason atheists don’t..is because they are above board evil..haters and all around bad people…gotcha

  • Ed LaBonté

    It’s about time someone exposed this perverse myth. Were Adam and Eve Neanderthals? I don’t think so.

    • Abba Scodilli

      Adam and Eve never happened…

    • Jane Suppen

      speaking of perverse…how did humanity develop from Adam and Eve then? Did their children have incestuous relations?? Now that is perverse!

      Adam and Eve is an ALLEGORY you dolt. Those who wrote the Bible were learned men, not numskull fundamentalists.

  • Kelly Decker


  • Jared

    Uhhhh… is this supposed to be real? This is a joke right? Please tell me this is a joke…

    • MarthaMyDear

      Yes it is! Love it that some people reply so seriously…like it’s real. Glad I found this site, it’s awesome. 😀

  • Actual Atheist

    Problem: we don’t believe humans came from Neanderthals.
    They are a branch off the same evolutionary family tree. We share a common ancestor. Similar to how pugs and poodles both share wolves as common ancestors.

    • Doctor Greybeard

      There you go, trying to inject that militant scientism onto this pure discussion. Please have the courage to re-examine your descent into the science cult, and one last thing MY GRANDMOTHER WAS NOT A PUG!! AND THE WOLVES WERE AT FAULT!

      • Stephenson_Billings

        What sort of jerk insults your family like that? Bravo for the response, friend.

        • Abba Scodilli

          One who does not read entire comments. And his response made no sense… Yer congratulating someone who is probly mentally deficient (religionist…)

      • The Bus From Speed™

        Try not to drool all over your keyboard next time, moisture is bad for the circuitry.

        • Doctor Greybeard

          ROFLMAO, you are truly humor and sarcasm impaired, aren’t you?

      • Abba Scodilli

        Hes not saying yer grammy is a pug! Hes saying that she’s an offshoot of a neanderthal… If yer gonna bizitch at least read the comment.

        • Jane Suppen

          Considering his ability to reason, I think it may be true that his grandmother is in fact a pug. And likely an ugly one at that!

    • Abba Scodilli

      Yay! Something that makes sense!

  • Darkest Trance

    My endless nights of wanton lust are the Neanderthal’s fault. The very thought of them….indoctrinated me. Bad bad Neanderthals!

  • Scientist

    We believe in Neanderthals because of the scientific evidence that they exist. What scientific evidence do you have to support your belief that God exists?

    • Abba Scodilli

      Science does not exist here! Only brainsickly nonsense!

  • Blanche Beecham

    “The jungle gyms can be a cruel place for an awkward teenager. He will do
    anything to fit in with the “cool” crowd. Unfortunately this means
    taking risks and rebelling against family values.”

    I can certainly attest to Jungle gyms being part and parcel in the Devil’s trickster playground.

    As a lithe young woman, I was wrongly accused of surprising a group of teenaged boys with my jungle gym skills. It is easy to believe we are just exercising, but the Devil is blowing up our petticoats and clinging to our ripe womanly cleft. This is oftentimes the path to Atheism.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      Your wise beyond your youth, Blanche!

  • Lefty Blitzer

    Fabulous bedtime story? Try the bible, although it isn’t fabulous, but it IS a made-up story.

    • James Bruce

      you cute lil lost soul

  • Pete

    What’s wrong with Percy Shelley? He was a great poet.

  • Sadie McFarlane

    This has to be one of the most hilariously lunatic things I’ve ever read. It IS satire, isn’t it?

  • Richard_thunderbay

    Praise the lord…

    Anyone who is captured will be run through with a sword. Their little children will be dashed to death right before their eyes. Their homes will be sacked and their wives raped by the attacking hordes. For I will stir up the Medes against Babylon, and no amount of silver or gold will buy them off. The attacking armies will shoot down the young people with arrows. They will have no mercy on helpless babies and will show no compassion for the children. (Isaiah 13:15-18 NLT)

  • SkepticTank

    Wow! That is state of the art stupid. Is this a satire of biblebilly thought, or are you really a total kook?

  • Abba Scodilli

    Wow! Where do they come up with this stuff?!?! God was an alien! Damn!!! Yes, we did evolve from primates! You ding-bats do believe in DNA, ya?