Vegetarianism, Atheism and Masturbation: The New “Threesome” Youth Trend Threatening American Morality

Posted on by Stephenson Billings

vegan1The popularity of the internet and reality television has given young people access to many controversial ideologies. Some, like atheism, can be traced back to Soviet communism which ultimately saw Christian spirituality as a roadblock to a dictatorship of the state where families and love had no place. Other trends like vegetarianism were made popular by the most heinous figures in world history, such as Adolph Hitler who was himself a vocal adherent of the unsound diet. Today, the radical liberal organization PETA has taken up Hitler’s mantle, agitating violently against those who consume meat and against America’s heartland farming communities.

Vegetarianism and atheism are both foreign belief systems that are out of synch with American progress. They seek to undermine our capitalist economy and Constitutional foundation of Christianity. They are subversive in the dangerous way that narcotic drugs like marijuana are, nipping away at the edges of our wall of decency and faith. Like drugs, they confuse and irritate the young, leading them to temporary highs and devastating, lifelong lows. When one adds the biological condition of masturbation into this mix, it is a recipe for a moral epidemic.

Masturbation is a human problem. We are given certain urges to love and procreate. God has blessed us with the independence to pursue that joy on our own accord. It is the responsibility of each and every man to control his phallus, to limit its use for appropriate activities. The sacred institution of marriage is the just place for the penis, yet some young men cannot refrain from enjoying their bodies in sneaky ways. They pleasure the penis to a full erection and then recklessly spill their seeds with little concern for where it lands. Many do this quite often, even several times a week, and the damage is shown on their weary, pained faces. They suffer from the horrific guilt knowing that others know that they reek of self-abuse. The masturbator is a sinful man, an uncontrollable wanton, a weak hedonist who can spend hours locked in a room with little more than a tube of hand cream. It is an addiction and in its extreme form can cause multiple forms of urethral trauma, as well aslost work and homework hours and, inevitably, problems consummating the marriage bed.

America’s twenty-somethings are suffering today more than ever before. They are far from their loving Mothers and wise Fathers. They are alone and lonely, reckless and sexually uninhibited. They embrace any moronic trend that comes down the pipe to appear “hipster” and “cool” amongst their friends. The unsettling result is the triad of vegetarianism, atheism and masturbation.

vegan2The grave issue of vegetarianism, atheism and masturbation is that all three represent a negative approach to a beautiful life. They are all denial and rejection. Vegetarians reject the bounty of our earth, a bounty that the Bible instructs us to enjoy as men should. They are rejecting the outward. Atheism is a rejection of the inward, the spirituality we all lovingly harbor in our hearts through the genius of Jesus Christ. Masturbation is a rejection of our bodies, that temple to the Holy Spirit. Worse still, it is a denial of marriage, of reproduction and can even lead to homosexuality. The historical term for this threesome of rejection is nihilism, orexistentialism.

Curiously enough, vegetarianism is a profoundly unhealthy approach to the human organism on the most basic levels. It deprives the body of nutrients and minerals that are vital to life. Vegetarians are lanky and pale. They have long, narrow arms and hairless chests. Their faces are yellow and sickly. The odor of the vegetarian is intense and grotesque, much like damp coffee grounds mixed with horse urine. You will see them wearing sandals made popular by hippies in the 1960s and many of the men grow their hair long to celebrate their effeminate natures. Vegetarianism is indeed a womanish fad, a histrionic, misguided emotional state. These are people far too sensitive to eat a simple chicken nugget or a fish sandwich. They likely tear up at the thought of biting into a grape. Could this be a mental default? While such proof is not yet evident, there is a strong correlation between vegetarians and liberals who also seek to undermine American traditions with radical sexuality and socialism.

What is most surprising about vegetarians is that they so anxiously celebrate hardcore intercourse and masturbation. One would think that they would be too weak to masturbate due to their insufficient diets, but the average vegan masturbates over five times a week and some have been known to pleasure the phallus up to four times in a single day. These lithe, longhaired men also embrace public nudism and naturally masturbation comes into play there. As they hike and camp in our public parks, these nudist vegans seek to fondle their genitalia in outdoors spaces in what appears to be a twisted denouncement of the original Garden of Eden. It is barbaric, but when it comes to the penis, the vegetarian cannot control himself.

The female vegetarian tends to be far more emotional than your normal woman. She will weep and scream on a regular basis over the most banal things. They avoid using polish on their nails, but are not afraid to color their hair with gaudy hues. They wear loose, translucent blouses of Asiatic fabrics and sometimes do not shave their armpits. Many are excitably involved in mundane political causes, like changing the vending machines at public schools or “drama therapy” for black prison inmates. Their diet causes pimple outbreaks on their backs and an overpowering smell during their liquidy bowel movements. All of these factors contribute to making a twenty-something vegetarian female appear like unbathed elderly woman upon first glance.

vegan3Vegetarians practice sodomy on an unprecedented scale. With female companions, it occurs with a depraved efficiency in the backs of vans at music concerts or late at night in university dorm rooms. They straddle a young lady from behind like a backwards belt buckle, stabbing her with their stubby girths until the wall of purity is breached with shrieks of horror and messy tears. Pressed face down on the floor, all that young woman’s cherished memories of innocence are lost, traded away for a hot, steamy moment of conjugal erotic violation with some longhaired guitarist who smells of bean curd and unwashed feet.

The key to stopping this youth trend is to educate your children at an early age. They must understand that all three fads are shallow and harmful. Once a child leaves the family home, they should be reminded of God’s love and admonished not to masturbate when they’re alone. We are blessed with one fantastic chance to live our lives according to God’s will, why throw it away on something as idiotic and childish as vegetarianism? It is a tremendously insipid fad that has only succeeded through liberal peer pressure. Most practitioners lack any admirable levels of human intelligence. Furthermore, atheism is little more than a demonic influence, a fraudulent attempt to deny the love of Jesus Christ by those more excited by their own corporeal bodies than their eternal souls. We may pray for the vegetarians, atheists and masturbators in our midst, but we must also lead them from the forest of self-destruction with public declarations and parental supervision. Only when the atheist vegetarian masturbators of America feel the pinch of public shame, will they repent.