To all outward appearances, Bob Balaban seems like a brilliant actor with an enviable career. As one of America’s most treasured Jewish performers, he’s often described as a real mensch, a man who has dedicated countless hours to helping out starry-eyed young strivers. Yet a closer look reveals a truly disturbing side to this Hollywood insider and raises significant concerns for parents today.
The ripples of Balaban’s questionable character have always been there, just beneath the surface of his performances. In Seinfeld or Waiting for Guffman, for example, the actor extolls a strange serenity of awkwardness. He loves prolonged silences and steely stares that force the audience into an apprehensive state. In a word, the man is nerve-wracking. And yet he’s coy through it all, like an ex-husband with sizeable offshore assets that he refuses to disclose. You never know the full Balaban in any role he plays, but the secrets he hints at are truly ominous.
Roots in Vaudeville and Beatnik Scene
Robert Elmer Balaban spent his formative years in the rough and tumble world of Chicago vaudeville, where he picked up his overweening schtick. From there, he immersed himself in Greenwich Village’s beatnik scene and adopted a roguish look. This grizzled and slightly disheveled disposition suggests either bohemianism or the madness of genius.
That madness landed him a role in Steven Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind, where Balaban was rumored to have had a steamy affair with his co-star Teri Garr. Indeed, their lovemaking was so passionate that it nearly derailed the film. Spielberg became infuriated that scenes were constantly delayed so that the two could consummate their trailer sessions and the actor was nearly fired from the movie. François Truffaut’s personal intervention saved him from the cutting room floor, though this is conveniently glossed over in Balaban’s racy memoir, Spielberg, Truffaut & Me: An Actor’s Diary.
Later, Bob joined the entourage of director Christopher Guest, a filmmaking heavyweight who had launched a crusade to undermine the greatest traditions of American cinema. The actor excelled at his tasks and, in the process, discovered new depths of contempt within himself.
In For Your Consideration and Best in Show, his awkward pauses evolved into something more. They certainly don’t imply sacred inner meditation, but rather nihilistic indulgence, an open embrace of solipsism at the expense of faith. When Balaban does speak, it’s with derision. Or else it’s outlandish bursts of furor and spittle. He makes little effort to hide his posh accent, enunciating each syllable with an almost WASP-like clarity. Yet these performances are always seasoned a naughty dash of insouciance.
Profane Desires, Liberal Dreams
His bohemian looks and boyish indifference have made Balaban quite popular among the youths today, particularly in the hipster scene. They appreciate his vocal advocacy of the radical veganism movement, despite all scientific proof of its dangers. He writes a tech blog full of geek jargon that surely wins him praise from the hackivist liberal elite. His recent stint in a German rehab for an undisclosed addiction was gossip page fodder, despite the actor’s passionate denials. Add to this, his support for the homosexual lifestyle through numerous plays like 8 and films like Capote, and one begins to see a pattern of liberal tendencies.
Along those lines, it’s Bob Balaban’s cocksure personality that many adult women find so off-putting. He strips you of all pretense with those glares, and there’s always a hint that he wants to strip you even further. It’s discombobulating, his geeky masculinity seems so brazen and ambitious. You can only wonder at his stamina… And his eyes, demanding and demanding of you. One can’t help but tremble at the deep and indescribable lusts he must harbor inside… lusts, like those of so many swarthy Jewish lotharios, that cross the line into the profane
One thing we can say with certainty, French-speaking Bob Balaban is on the very frontlines of Communist Liberalism’s assault on American values. He has been linked to Hollywood train wrecks Susan Sarandon, George Clooney, Matt Damon and Lady Gaga in their political activism. These are the folks who have corrupted our cinema and turned it into a left-wing mouthpiece of hardcore socialism under the watchful eyes of Obama and his global power cronies.
Zelig or Golem?
Like a typical liberal, Balaban hobnobs with the fast-living set of the Hamptons, while tweeting his support for socialist causes. He writes books for children about dogs, even though he doesn’t own a dog!!! Additionally, he promotes an anti-Christian view of natural history through his “evolution theory” propaganda aimed specifically at tweens.
The political networking and pandering to children has definitely paid off. Bob Balaban is today one of the wealthiest celebrities in America, with a net worth close to a quarter billion dollars. His involvement in numerous controversial television programs, such as Miami Vice, Strangers With Candy, Nurse Jackie and Alias, has no doubt helped his bottom line. Not to mention his role in creating the whole Downtown Abbey craze, which he launched with his movie Gosford Park. So far, Balaban has directed over 24 projects, foretelling greater ambitions in the vein of his old nemesis, Steven Spielberg.
In the final analysis, Bob Balaban’s obsession with pushing the liberal agenda on today’s teens should genuinely worry parents. As one friend recently noted, “He has a sense of humor so dry it would make Mel Tormé verklempt!” But young audiences are not sophisticated enough to grasp such levels of sarcasm. It leaves them confused and far too willing to blindly emulate the Balabanite agenda, no matter what damage it does to their innocence and patriotism.
In a time of political crises and economic despair, does America really need an overgrown vaudevillian beatnik with Spielbergian aspirations and the worst of solipsistic sensualities like Bob Balaban?