One of America’s most beloved physicians risked his career today by announcing that Donald. J. Trump possesses a mind, “that big government leftwing science simply cannot grasp.”
After an exhaustive research project that included weeks of examinations and hundreds of hours reading online message boards, Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton, DDS and BOHDSc, revealed the shocking results of his tests to a stunned nation.
“I’ve found nothing in my field of stomatology to explain the President’s superhuman grasp of genius, intellect, brilliance and wisdom,” Dr. Plimpton stated. “I would almost say that Donald Trump is an advanced life form, but since we now know ‘evolution’ is a liberal hoax, we must conclude that his unique faculties are simply a gift from God.”
Dr. Plimpton came to his findings after measuring the circumference of Mr. Trump’s head based on photographs he downloaded from the internet. Archived Fox News footage helped him pinpoint the 27 organs of the President’s brain where he discovered overdeveloped centers of alimentiveness and vitativeness as interpreted through the most advanced methods of phrenology.
In addition, the renowned physician went on the record to say that Donald Trump has superb enamel with naturally vibrant gum tissue. He found no evidence of dentures or even porcelain veneers in his detailed research. “The President’s teeth are real and they are spectacular!” the doctor stressed.
Asked about rumors of the President’s crippling dementia, Dr. Plimpton gave a pointed response: “Jesus himself picked Trump to be the leader of the free world because he was sick and tired of liberals handing out health care to the poor when Wall Street is dying from overregulation and does the FBI even care about Hillary’s Uranium One in Benghazi because of the Seth Rich murder during her emails???? You leftist Antifa bastards all belong in FEMA Camps!!!!”
Indeed, the good doctor poses a difficult question that the globalist liberal corporate media simply refuses to answer.