Trump To Offer Heartfelt Apology for the War of Northern Aggression

Posted on by Derby Mack

The Confederacy has long deserved a presidential apology, experts in the Trump administration say.

President Donald J. Trump is set to announce an official apology for one of the darkest moments in American history.

According to several White House sources, Mr. Trump will formally condemn the actions of the United States Government during the Civil War. The conflict, which took place from 1861 to 1865, left much of the South devastated and cost hundreds of thousands of lives. Many historians now regard Abraham Lincoln’s actions against the patriotic Southern states as un-Constitutional, cruel and inhumane.

The shadow of War of Northern Aggression still haunts much of the South today.

Reparations For White Southerners Could Top Billions
Incoming Attorney General Jeff Sessions has signaled that he will create a commission to study reparations for Southern families financially damaged by the illegal activities of the Yankee northern elite. An analysis authored by Breitbart journalist Gerry Warner has found that the great-grandchild of a Confederate solider who died in the battle could expect to receive upwards of $25,000 for their ancestor’s service.

To recover these lost funds, amateur sleuths are flocking to to track down the descendants of Northern soldiers.

“Show us the money, you yankee scum!” researcher Edna Billings Tweeted at millionaire actor Matt Damon yesterday.

In an interview with the Dyersburg State Gazette, Billings declared that the Massachusetts native had unfairly profited from the North’s victory in 1865 and now needed to, “do the right thing and send me that check.”

This change in official policy also opens the possibility that the Federal Reserve will honor confederate bonds, before that agency’s eventual closure in 2019. Many Southerners have hoarded these bonds in anticipation of a Trump presidency.

Sergey Kislyak, Russia’s ambassador to Washington, has even gone so far to suggest that President Trump could also apologize to the former Soviet bloc for the Cold War, thus opening the door to financial support for the Putin Administration as it seeks to expand peace into central Europe.

About This Journalist

Founder, Editor-in-Chief and CEO of, Derby Mack is an American Patriot who has dedicated his life to loving his country and preparing his family for the National Apocalypse. He would like to thank the Founding Fathers, President Reagan and Jesus Christ for the opportunity to share Wisdom with every member of the community. God Bless and Stay Vigilant!