Talk about a quickie! Brilliant and ballsy Ted Cruz really pulled a fast one on the Gay Agenda this week. Long plagued by questions about his sexual flexibility, the famed Texas senator swooped into Manhattan on Monday to lay all that nasty gossip to rest. Something about his Ivy League credentials and that ethnic sensuality has always titillated men of particular persuasion so Cruz decided to challenge the pink mafia head on.
The setting for this frothy tête-à-tête was the fabulous $25-million penthouse of homosexual real estate kingpins Maxi Weiderpass and Ian Reisner. It’s a showcase dripping in magnificent velour and gold, with a collection of bare statuary evocative of Nero’s raunchy palace of ancient times. There is a ready staff of burly boys on hand to attend your every appetite. Not to mention the infamous late-night party favors! Imagine a Christian juggernaut like Cruz walking straight into such a dungeon of dark desire in the heart of the world’s most vulgar and vicious city!
But Senator Cruz, who is well on his way to being the leading Republican contender for the 2016 presidential race, did not let all that vice distract him from his special purpose. He pounded Reisner and Weiderpass repeatedly with the important point that it’s up to the states to individually ban homosexual marriage. He made sure that they understood that he’s a Christian who stays true to his God, no matter how many millions the pink mafia injects into his campaign. Reisner and Weiderpass may have howled and cooed, but they had to admit they had been beaten into submission by Cruz’s passionate logic by the end of that delicious evening. Table for two at the next Tea Party!
From Fire Island With Love, Senator
This brave and brassy move by Senator Cruz shows that he may well have what it takes to be the next President of the United States. The fact that he is bold enough to look the demon of homosexuality right in the eye and demand a donation proves that his potential is virtually limitless. It’s even more fantastic when you realize that those pink dollars have cruised a shocking and smutty little path to feather Ted Cruz’s campaign nest.
The amazing truth is that Cruz’s coffers are now being tithed directly from Sodom. Ian Reisner, who bears more than a passing resemblance to a moody Ben Affleck, happens to be the jaunty gatekeeper at one of America’s most nefarious outposts of hardcore homosexual lust, Fire Island.
On the island, Reisner owns a gay disco hotspot known for its upstairs afterhours excitement where the lights go off and the jockstraps drop. Some come for the music, but for most it’s the “Molly,” a love drug that is all the rage among America’s most carnal cruisers…
And when Ian’s party gets so hot they can’t raise the roof any higher, the men are marched off into the nearby woods– to a place called the “Meat Rack”– for sessions of sweaty sodomy that last well after the sun rises. Leathermen and twink bunnies, bears and female impersonators, hometown jocks and exotic Asian temptresses, all partake in a group orgy that is simply the greatest abomination in American history.
Yet there is a glimmer of hope in the army of available orifices stretching from the Pavilion to the Meat Rack! When Reisner scrapes the crust from his filthy lucre and palms a bit of it off on Cruz, he is funding genuine Christian change. If the Senator can wash the lube and coke from those Gay Agenda hundred-dollar bills, he can pay his own soldiers fighting every day against special homosexual rights. And that’s exactly what Ted Cruz is doing! Just yesterday he renewed his pledge to criminalize sodomy-based marriage. And if the gay boycott of the establishments owned by these supporters of our next president succeeds– thus destroying the gay mecca of Fire Island itself– Cruz may well have killed two birds with one stone. Amazing!
So, on behalf of Christian America, I’d like to say a very loud and proud “Thank YOU!” to Ian and Maxi for their generous support!