The white shoe architecture firm of Skidmore, Owings and Merrill has a dark passion. Founded by a triad of Freemasons at the height of the Great Depression, the secretive atelier serves as a loyal handmaiden to some of the most infamous tribes of the 1%. Whenever a Morgan or a Rockefeller has a phantasmagoric flight of fancy, SOM is there to make it a reality. But this success has come at a shocking cost.
SOM has singlehandedly committed the largest aesthetic crimes of the 20th century. They are responsible for infecting our cities with a slick, soulless corporate futurism that is truly alien to the grandest traditions of American culture. One could speculate that this so-called “international style” of architecture is an attempt to chip away at our patriotism with precisely the sort of global dictatorship of homogeneous collectivism that the Bible warns us presages the End Times, but SOM’s new trend of supertall skyscrapers suggests far worse.
With a Little Help From Our (Alien) Friends
Supertalls are buildings that reach over 1,000 feet into the heavens using technology that was simply inconceivable a few years ago. These structures have been foisted on our metropoles quite suddenly, and often go up with little government review and even less public debate.
What makes these monstrosities so unique is that they employ a microfiber-enhanced cybernetic hive of intertwined buttresses at their core. This is something more akin to the Star Trek Borg than the hoary halls of the American Institute of Architects. This inner honeycomb technique — invented by SOM alums, of course — is so strong and flexible, it allows for endless assimilation, but it does require a far deeper, darker interior than normal office towers. If the intention were to hide a species unconditioned to our solar exposure, these sunless caverns would be quite convenient.
One of the most noticeable external characteristics of the supertalls is that they are designed to be utterly lacking in ornament. They are simply giant shards of glass or concrete, shooting dangerously high up into the sky. There is no color, no flourish. Our great buildings of the past were museums of sculpture with beautiful columns and cornices, arches and domes. These temples of good taste once inspired us to love God, work hard and fight for our dreams. Aesthetically, the slick shafts being thrown up in major cities today are little more than carnal erections, subliminally emasculating our men and exciting our women (and vice-versa).
NASA’s Shocking Pronouncement
So what is really happening behind these mirrored glass façades?
The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) recently announced that we will make contact with an alien species sometime within the next two decades. Media analysts would classify this maneuver predictive programming, an attempt to give us a hint of future events so that we are more susceptible to dramatic change. In this case, the public reaction to extraterrestrials in our midst would be intense and dangerous. By telling us now, NASA is ostensibly giving us several years to digest the information.
Among astronomers and UFOlogists, there is a strong belief that our planet has already been visited by extraterrestrials. The raw data and expert testimonies are far too great to include in this column today. However, if we accept the premise that life beyond our planet is possible, we may be able to decipher the ultimate message of the supertalls.
Tesla, the Nazis and an Illuminati Agenda
Back when respectable firms like McKim, Mead and White still guided our nation’s architectural aspirations, some futurologist proposed the idea that skyscrapers would be the perfect urban docking stations for zeppelins. The Nazis, ever obsessed with modernity and symbolism, seized upon this notion with much zeal. Curiously enough, it was at this exact same moment that inventor Nikola Tesla patented plans for Earth’s very first flying saucer.
While Tesla was murdered in 1943 and the Nazis surrendered only two years later, their paradigm-shifting ideas took on a new life among the Illuminati and the architectural engineers at their beck and call. This perfectly explains why secret billionaire groups are constructing aesthetically-criminal towers using Nazi symbology and alien technologies — towers that ultimately insult God and democracy and also encourage homosexuality — at the very moment that NASA is demanding that the public bow down to an imminent extraterrestrial invasion.
Yet so many questions remain! For instance, does the global distribution of supertalls suggest multiple points of contact with extraterrestrial life? Are competing branches of the 1% aligning themselves with species from vastly different corners of the universe? Are aliens already sleeping within the dark caverns of the supertalls? Will we someday see a gawking parade of space tourists disembarking from these ugly urban phalluses?
Is America falling behind Asia and the Middle East in the supertall race and is this something we should be ashamed of? Why does the architectural press slobber over these skyscraper abominations? Have they been bribed by the global elite or are these critics so sexually deranged, that a dorsal fin on the exterior of a building is an erotic turn-on? Do these fins, which would be more aptly described as extensions of the inner skeletons that pierce the fuselage and act as stabilizing wings, reveal that supertalls may some day be used as spaceships themselves? And what, ultimately, is the real purpose of the “poor door”?
A Plea for Aesthetic Sanity
No matter how hard the architectural press tries, we will never buy into the garish trend of glass-box super minimalistic modernism. These buildings are simply a crime against our natural human tastes. We, the American public, want the excitement of Disney splashed over the grandeur of ancient Rome. With maybe a little dash of New Urbanism’s Main Street, USA thrown in there. We want tradition with dignity, not German nihilism furnished with all the cold, white joyfulness of an STD clinic.
That bitter, clinical aesthetic may be evidence of the true alien intent of contemporary supertall design. Analysts like David Icke have postulated that the Illuminati is run by an interdimensional reptilian elite. If that is the case, then they certainly have the billions upon billions needed to erect the monstrous Masonic temples that SOM and its co-conspirators (Pei, Pelli, Piano) are using to destroy our cities from within. Indeed, Illuminati reptiles would be the perfect inhabitants considering their need for cavernous secrecy and ready access to visiting airships.
The most disingenuous bit of propaganda coming from the ministry of the supertalls (otherwise known as Skidmore, Owings and Merrill) is that many of these buildings are ultraluxury condo towers. The truth, hidden behind innumerable lawyers and LLCs, is that these spaces are never occupied by actual human beings. They stand like tombstones of billionaire bravado in the eerie night sky. They suck the human energy out of the very heart of our most dynamic cities. Dogs never urinate on them and pigeons never roost. Clearly, the animal kingdom has an opinion of the supertalls that some in the our species are too crude to grasp.