In today’s red hot political climate, nothing is more of a turn-on than Donald J. Trump’s unbuttoned masculinity. It’s an enormous, rock-hard statement that millions of Americans are desperate to grasp.
But now that veiny display of our nation’s raw purpose is under attack by members of the radical leftist elite.
They will not stop until every last shred of moral decency is stripped from our bodies and we’re pushed naked against some slimy bathhouse wall like a drunken sailor in a French port town.
This is the shocking endgame of the hardcore homosexual “rompers” agenda.
Even President Trump is a target of their demented plot!
Rompers, for those who don’t read big city fashion magazines like GQ or Honcho, are a one-piece clothing combo most often worn by infants. On adults, however, they’re tight and slimming. They’re uniquely designed to accentuate a man’s chiseled buttocks with such detail that no crevasse is left up to the imagination. Many wear the top completely open to the belly button, revealing that first hint of a luxuriant treasure trail like an open invitation.
Worst of all, they can be torn off with a single yank behind the bushes of any local park!
Of course the liberal media is pushing this trend with drooling excitement. Members of the Rebel Alliance have even taken their fight to the streets, showing off their burly, big-shouldered bodies on the sidewalks of America’s most vulnerable cities!
Jamming our mental frequencies with this a parade of man-meat is the left’s attempt to distract us from Trump’s winning presidency.
It’s gender-fluid and infantile and brazenly erotic all at once! All those zippers and butt flaps and buttons invite the worst of our imagination! They’ve weaponized chest chair! It’s a calves and biceps psy-op campaign straight from the CIA’s playbook!
It’s fake news to think this fad is really turning straight men on, no matter how much we’re terrorized by roughly-hewn flesh in such playful fabrics! It gnaws at your brain and you wonder what it would be like to wrestle a romping romper man on a sweaty August night in the soft grass behind Mar-a-Lago… And you lose that match, but you lose it on purpose! And then again, and again until the entire nation is penetrated by Bernie Sanders’ phallic fallacy of free health care and minimum wages and job creator inheritance taxes!
It has become painfully obvious that the romper is nothing less than the bastard child of the Mao Suit and the yoga pant, a fashion statement that screams sexuality and nonstop socialist action!
And as we, the once-proud men of Trump Nation, wipe off the lube with Mother’s sweater and weep messy tears in the back seats of our Dodge Durangos, the Donald himself is being shackled in his very own prison-striped romper and led from the White House as the Gay Agenda’s storm troopers march in to milk every last drop from America’s deflating manhood!
Can this happen? Will this happen? Should this happen?
Chew on that the next time you’re tempted to slip into some raunchy romper, sheeple!