Most liberals would impale themselves on a Kanye West CD slathered in pork chitterlings before they admit it, but Donald Trump really is the only hope left for American greatness. Who else out there has the business acumen to whip this flabby nation into shape while looking Vladimir Putin directly in the eye and flashing the rest of the world that billion-dollar smile that will unite our allies against ISIS? The socialist parasites of America don’t deserve a class act like the Donald, but the rest of us are sure as heck going to make certain that we elect him our next president anyhow.
The amazing thing about Trump is that he understands the big picture like no one else. When we go to war with ISIS, it’s going to be incredible. Mark my words, this will be a terrific moment for us as a people. It’s going to rally this country together and remind the leftwing ingrates what real patriotism is all about. The battle for global freedom could turn out to be the most extraordinary event mankind has ever known and knowing our future president, we Americans are going to have ringside seats for all the action.
We live in an age of ideas. Yes, the revolution will be televised! It will also be tweeted and blogged and video streamed! What better way to win the world over than by fully integrating warfare into the internet age? We need the American message of democracy to reach global consumers desperate for an alternative to their suffering and hate. No one can pull this off like Trump can. He’s managed to trounce ten top Republicans candidates with nothing more than chutzpah and a Twitter account!
The Path to Greatness
From the Miss Universe pageant to Celebrity Apprentice, Donald Trump knows event optics. Image is everything these days, so let’s picture the homefront. We need to radically rethink how this whole fight is going to look on smartphones and Youtube. That means getting rid of the old military uniforms. The colors are too drab to resonate anything about America’s destiny. Could you imagine the possibilities if Trump with his big city New York connections unleashed his designers on all four branches of our military? Gold- and mahogany-hued fabrics that add that air of Trumpian sophistication! Boots of the finest American leathers! Form-fitting waistcoats, grand hats and helmets, trimmed with fiery ribbons! Golden eagles, Lady Liberty, Winged Victory, all-American symbols that shout, “justice!” and “peace!” Imagine our young men, their chests emblazoned with medals, their shoulders shining with epaulettes! Let’s bring back the days when a man in uniform made a gal’s heart flutter!
Uniforms this fantastic will just beg to be seen! We’ll want parades and rallies and dances and street patrols! The choreography will be spectacular! Imagine the banners and the nighttime marches! And cameras, cameras all across this great nation to record the excitement!
To accompany the rebirth of our nation, we will of course need new anthems. Symphonies of Pride and Power! Classical harmonies synthesized with a heart-stirring modern beat for audiences at home or on the go. Who doesn’t love the steady thunder of a marching band’s drum, the dutiful call of the bugle! And children, let’s have little girls up on that stage, dancing and waving their arms about in red, white and blue sparkles and polka dots! Velvet and sequins! For the invasion itself, we will need something introspective, but classy and loud, ballsy and all-American. I imagine this theme music will have fantastic lyrics, maybe in a country style, so viewers can sing along. You’d have to be a fool or a commie not to be glued to your mobile device for that…
Patriotism Goes Primetime
The battle for freedom itself is going to be major league warfare! There are so many possibilities for primetime engagement. Why not equip our forces with their own live feed cameras? Imagine logging into your laptop and watching a nuclear sub launch in real-time! Or streaming a Stealth bomber on your iPhone! There could be blogs from our officers on the ground, helmet cams, body cams, prison cams! Interactive apps! Quizzes and polls! Slideshows! Vine and Tinder and Tumblr and Pinterest and Secret and SnapChat! Make the briefings in the White House Situation Room a nightly network event, President Trump there telling any generals not up to snuff, “You’re fired!” This is government transparency and a whole lot more. As anyone who watched The Apprentice at its peak knows, the cameras are about truth, about motivating you to do your very best and that’s what a true meritocracy is all about. That also happens to be Donald Trump’s life story in a nutshell. He’s one guy who really made himself into a media sensation with nothing more than bravado and brilliance!
There’s a virtually untapped upside to the Fight for Freedom media event that no one is talking about. President Trump, with his proven financial genius, is surely the only guy who can pull this off. What if we monetized all these new aspects of warfare? What if the United States government went from endless deficits to new revenue streams for a change? That’s not something Hillary or old Bernie Sanders is going to scream at you from their soapboxes at CNN!
Marketing Our Manifest Destiny
Start with the logos. You could easily license them out for ballcaps and jerseys. Make it mandatory wear for those rallies and torchlight processions! Sell CDs of the anthems at Walmart. Make radio stations pay to play. Spotify and Pandora the whole catalog!
Next, take a lesson from Google and Facebook. All that live website content generated by our fighting forces should not be given away for free. It could host native advertising, maybe some deeper level of marketing like sponsorships. The smart tech people know that’s where the real money is at. We need an advertorial approach to warfare, like having Smith & Wesson become “The Official Gun of the 101th Battalion.” Or maybe slap some corporate logos on our ships and soldiers.
Imagine Chick-fil-A sponsoring a squadron, or Exxon paying for a battleship? Amazon.com could be the official provider of our Air Force drones! Or what if the major networks franchised the four branches of the military and we held Nielsen-rated competitions to see which provided the most thrills, the highest viewership’s, the greatest gains for American freedom! And make every last one of these companies pay dearly for the privilege. This is what the government of a capitalist nation should look like, not the socialist entitlement death star that Obama’s corrupt thugs have built.
Once you open the door to free market capitalism, warfare could really pay off for the United States. Our military offers such an incredible range of marketing opportunities, it’s crazy to think that no one has tapped them before. The synergies and cross-promotional possibilities speak for themselves! And this only underscores the point that we really need someone of Trump’s business caliber in there negotiating the contracts for the good of our citizens. Best of all, we will have assembled the greatest sales force in global history selling the idea of American freedom to the world: President Trump, our top corporate citizens and the U.S. military. We will be winning hearts and minds across the globe one soldier, one ship and one Stealth bomber at a time! And even better, this whole enterprise could actually end up saving the taxpayers money. After nearly a decade being slaughtered by a corrupt Washington establishment, tax relief is what true Americans need most of all!