Checked your Facebook profile lately? Feeling angry, anxious, bewildered and hungry? Are you tired of being sick?
Your symptoms are NOT in your head!
Facebook can cause genuine health problems and the crisis is growing. The fact is, internet engineers have known for years that websites can cause serious viruses and only now is the professional health community taking notice.
Yet no national organization has been willing to investigate the rise in viral illnesses associated with this omnipresent social network.
In an age when publications from Salon to Scientific American are announcing the dangers of computer-generated electromagnetic fields (EMFs), is this truly ethically responsible? Or, considering Facebook’s deep financial ties to the American Medical Association, could there be something more sinister at work here?
It’s well known that our electronic devices are poisoning us. Cellphones, smart meters and even refrigerators have been discovered to cause grave hazards to human life. Electrodes specific to the programming of Facebook appear to be designed with the cybernetic intention of causing reverse positive programming. They release alphic microwaves that build up electromagnetic stress in our cerebellum. Long-term, this disrupts our personal radionic fields. Many believe these fields are the very matrix of one’s spiritual aura. In essence, Facebook erodes the free energy architecture that supports transcendental sophistication, i.e. our critically intelligent personality.
After attacking the very brainwaves that make you unique, Facebook replaces your inner mind functions with a causal mechanism of punishment and reward. The colors of the social network’s design are crafted to grab and focus the mind’s eye. The screen is littered with interfaces unused by all except the most advanced members. There are numerous light gray data sensing meters on the periphery. These regulate timescaled trends, controversialized numerics and indices of quantitative self-worth. All these statistics are fed into our subconscious directly, bypassing our crucial frontal lobe centers of judgment and awareness. Lest our attention fades, the site has instituted a Pavlovian bell to call us back. And back the sheeple come, drooling for more and more corporate fascism!
Some symptoms of Facebook-Associated Mind Parasites (FAMP) are as follows: anxiety, breathlessness, vague anguish, energy depletion, media fatigue, social inadequacy, political identity crisis, consumer complacency, Morgellon-related erectile dysfunction, self-aggrandizing victimology, spiritual dysmorphia, lesbianism, militant atheism, insomnia, weight gain, weight loss and critically self-organized criticality.
There is hope, however!
Dr. Wilhelm Reich, a pioneer in the study of the human life force, once wrote that orgone energy is deeply rooted in our planet’s soil and as such, Solanum tuberosum provides a nutrient-rich resource for the living soul. Little did Reich know that his discovery would become crucial for later generations as the tuberosum in question are our modern potatoes!
Potatoes not only provide the starch necessary for the stamina of healthy vertebrae, they also boost testosterone, neutralize electromagnetic neurotoxins and can cause sexual arousal! Many in the big science industry reject the ancient cures passed down by our grandmothers, but this is definitely a case where the Darwinian leftists are wrong!
From Ireland to Russia, potatoes have provided fundamental strength to some of history’s most ambitious civilizations. With over 5,000 varietals, they can be served in countless ways and are readily accessible to the modern eater. And they are, unquestionably, among our most delicious foodstuffs!
The International Potato Genome Sequencing Consortium has spent nearly a decade trying to decode the mysteries of this wondrous crop, but they have not unlocked its most profound secrets. So while we can’t explain exactly how and why potatoes cure FAMP, the evidence is mounting that this tuber may be our best hope yet.
So the next time you’re feeling frazzled by Facebook, grab a french fry!