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Because Morning in America Wont Be Easy

Trump Anxiously Awaiting Ratings Bump From His First Terrorist Attack, Sources Say

Sun, Jan 22, 2017 | By Henricus Institor

As President Donald J. Trump looks to consolidate his electoral mandate, the thought of an impending tragedy is never far from his imagination. Analysts at the Pentagon predict that the United States will suffer a “notable” terrorist attack within the next 12 to 18 months, which could result in a 20% ratings bump for the administration. “When our nation is threatened,...

President Trump Celebrated By Spontaneous 40-Million Strong Women’s March

Sat, Jan 21, 2017 | By Kaylee-Aurora

President Donald J. Trump and First Lady Melania were awoken today by a massive parade of women who showed up on Washington, D.C.’s National Mall to celebrate the new administration. Hollywood celebrities, business leaders and regular Americans were among the teeming crowds. The spontaneous outpouring of support shocked and pleased the new president, who has long been popular...

Cinco De Mayo Deleted From White House Calendar

Sat, Jan 21, 2017 | By Kaylee-Aurora

Barack Hussein Obama’s eight-year assault on the American calendar is finally over, thanks to President Donald J. Trump. In one of our beloved president’s first executive orders, Trump has struck the sixth of May from all official records. Many will recall that the date has been claimed as “Cinco De Mayo” by members of the radical Latino underground. With our borders...

FBI Investigating Elizabeth Warren’s Covert Ties to Canada

Sat, Jan 21, 2017 | By Moishe Mustafa McPhearson

FBI Director James Comey announced today that his department is formally opening an investigation into Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren. The extreme leftist Congresswoman has emerged as one of the leading critics of President Trump’s patriotism and may have violated Federal law. According to sources in the Justice Department, Senator Warren’s radical activism has...

InfoWars Announces New Line of Public School Textbooks

Sat, Jan 21, 2017 | By Stephenson Billings

Betsy DeVos, President Trump’s new Secretary of Education, has just announced an important initiative to tear down the hardcore leftist agenda in our public schools. And it’s no surprise that liberals are absolutely freaking out. The multimillion-dollar deal signed with Alexander Emerick Jones, Executive Chairman of the InfoWars Media Group, calls for an entirely new series...

New CIA Head: Putin Was Trump’s Puppet This Entire Time

Sat, Jan 21, 2017 | By Moishe Mustafa McPhearson

Incoming CIA chief Mike Pompeo stunned Rush Limbaugh’s listeners this afternoon with a revelation on Russian hacking that finally puts this dangerous scandal to rest. In a short interview conducted on the wildly popular radio program, Trump’s pick to head America’s intelligence agency announced that Vladimir Putin was merely acting on orders of the new president and...

Trump To Offer Heartfelt Apology for the War of Northern Aggression

Sat, Jan 21, 2017 | By Derby Mack

President Donald J. Trump is set to announce an official apology for one of the darkest moments in American history. According to several White House sources, Mr. Trump will formally condemn the actions of the United States Government during the Civil War. The conflict, which took place from 1861 to 1865, left much of the South devastated and cost hundreds of thousands of...

To Combat Fake News, President Trump Orders “Tiny Hands,” “Thin-Skinned” and “Orangutan” Censored From AOL Search

Sat, Jan 21, 2017 | By Henricus Institor

For far too long, our democracy has been threatened by the greedy corporate media elite. But all that is about to change. President Donald J. Trump announced a new campaign today to stem the tide of “fake news” destroying our freedom. As part of the White House’s new “Platinum Integrity Initiative,” dangerous keywords will be censored from a coalition of America’s...

Vice President Pence Asks Government Homosexuals to Register With His Office, Sign Chastity Oath

Sat, Jan 21, 2017 | By Stephenson Billings

In one of his first acts in office, Vice President Mike Pence has asked LGBT employees of the Federal Government to make themselves known. The voluntary directive covers all agencies under the authority of President Trump, from NASA to the Pentagon. Beginning Monday, January 23, 2017, all self-identified homosexuals and bisexuals will need to register through a formal declaration...

Can President Trump Effectively Sterilize the Poor?

Wed, Nov 9, 2016 | By Doc Bacon

In our border states and urban ghettos, we have a poverty problem that is costing normal taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars a year. Often this epidemic bleeds into the rest of the population, causing devastating health crises that further destabilize our democracy. Politicians have known about this catastrophic state of affairs for decades now, but none has been brave...