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Because Morning in America Wont Be Easy

“Fact Checking” to Be Classified an Act of Treason, According to National Security Advisor Bannon

Thu, Feb 2, 2017 | By Stephenson Billings

In recent weeks, top CIA analysts have noticed a disturbing uptick in terrorist chatter coming from within the borders of the United States. These threats are aimed directly at the White House. The worst of it includes missives launched against President Trump’s honesty and integrity. The bulk of this vile intimidation has been covertly traced back to two extremist groups,...

Blue Apron Is Turning Millennials Into Mindless Slaves of the Robot Dystopia

Wed, Feb 1, 2017 | By Kaylee-Aurora

I just broke free of meal kit mania! After six hellacious months of Alaskan salmon and Meyer lemons, I finally said enough is enough! It all seemed so thrilling at first. The muscled young deliveryman, that bulging package right at my door! The exotic meals, the fancy menu cards! I was delighted and my husband even stopped shouting about his Durango’s radiator coils long...

Trump’s Extreme Fear of Staircases Is NOT a National Security Issue!

Tue, Jan 31, 2017 | By Derby Mack

If you’re like me, nothing gets you more outraged than libtards who hate America! This time they’re doing it with a shocking act of hypocrisy aimed at our beloved President Donald J. Trump and his very personal health issues. Could these bullies get any more nauseating! Let’s set the record straight before the propaganda ministers at CNN turn this into another fake...

FBI Source: Elizabeth Warren Has a Secret Aunt in Canada

Tue, Jan 31, 2017 | By Derby Mack

Donald Trump’s bold promise to “drain the swamp” of corruption and foreign influence continues to steamroll through the halls of power in Washington, D.C. On special orders of the President, investigators are now following up on a shocking news report that dissident leader Elizabeth Warren has covert ties to the renegade nation of Canada. One source inside...

President Trump Designates Science a Domestic Terror Threat

Tue, Jan 31, 2017 | By Henricus Institor

Vowing to drain the swamp of “fanatical intellectual extremism,” President Donald J. Trump signed an Executive Order on Tuesday officially adding science to our nation’s terrorist screening database. The move follows a weekend of unprecedented riots at airports from coast to coast. The wide-ranging edict went into effect immediately and concerns anyone involved in the...

Pence Promises Homosexual-Only FEMA Camps Will Be Tasteful, Rustic, “Like Bear Week in Provincetown”

Tue, Jan 31, 2017 | By Stephenson Billings

Vice President Mike Pence announced on Tuesday that he would work closely with the radical homosexual subculture on the White House’s evolving civil rights agenda. Attempting to allay fears from the extremist left, the V.P. has promised to make the administration’s new FEMA camps both “inclusive and accommodating.” The move comes after liberal activists began gearing...

Homosexual Pornography to Be Regulated Exclusively Through the Vice President’s Office, Mike Pence Announces

Thu, Jan 26, 2017 | By Stephenson Billings

Vowing to “penetrate the depths” of America’s degeneracy crisis, the Vice President’s office announced plans today to face the gay pornography industry head on. In a statement circulated to senior staff, it was revealed that the White House is erecting a new agency to add weight and girth to censorship efforts initiated by the Federal Communications Commission and...

FBI Investigating Alec Baldwin’s Illicit Ties to Ireland

Thu, Jan 26, 2017 | By Moishe Mustafa McPhearson

President Donald J. Trump has ordered FBI Director James Comey to open a “thorough and exhaustive” investigation into leftwing activist Alec Baldwin today over suspected foreign involvement in his career. The move comes after Wikileaks revealed on Twitter that it is in possession of a cache of hacked emails from the disgraced actor. Julian Assange heralded the leak as,...

White House to Honor Donald J. Trump on President’s Day

Tue, Jan 24, 2017 | By Derby Mack

February 20th will be a special day in Washington, D.C. next month. Becca Kushner, the incoming Chief of Protocol of the United States Department of State, has announced that the Federal holiday will recognize the, “the official and entirely legitimate presidency of President Donald Trump this year.” The news “surprised and delighted” Mr. Trump, according to spokeswoman...

Putin to Offer Trump Global Chemtrails Ban in Exchange for Dissolution of NATO

Mon, Jan 23, 2017 | By Moishe Mustafa McPhearson

President Donald J. Trump’s famously chummy relationship with Russian President Vladimir Putin was off to a sunny start this week. In high level talks regarding a future summit between the two world leaders, the controversial issue of geoengineering was raised. As has been reported continuously for over a decade by the alternative press, certain members of the international...