“Male Order Brides,” Next Big Gay Immigration Trend?

Posted on by Stephenson Billings
Foreign men such as these will soon be available for American marriage with just a few simple clicks.

Foreign men such as these will soon be available for gay marriage with just a few simple clicks.

The legalization of hardcore homosexual “marriage” by the United States Supreme Court will have many far-ranging consequences for our society. Pundits have discussed the death of Christian rights in America, the devastation of traditional marriage and the government’s big brother stamp of approval for an outrageously shocking lifestyle choice. But one issue has been criminally neglected by the mainstream media.

That issue is illegal immigration.

Now that “gay” marriage has been recognized on the federal level, homosexuals can marry foreigners and grant them United States citizenship. It is a disturbing amount of power to hand over to the types of fellows who are normally far more concerned with the celebrity bouffants on Entertainment Tonight than with real-world politics. These are people susceptible to farcical flights of fancy at the first sight of a muscled thigh or perfectly waxed backside. This is a “culture” essentially defined by spandex, sodomy and glitter.

This new homosexual power means that gay men (and women!) will be able to whisk whatever Brazilian-Chinese-Puerto Rican delinquent they meet on their travels back across the borders and into our communities. This is, quite simply, a recipe for catastrophe. On the very surface of it, if one considers the bizarre sexual rituals such foreigners normally engage in, we are opening up the door to an earthquake of swarthy libidos and pealing cries that will keep neighbors terrified during the day and restless through the night. For our nation’s heterosexuals, this threat will be all too real.

“Marriage Will Be Like Ordering Out for Chinese”

Public displays of exotic sexual fetishes could become the norm.

Public displays of exotic sexual fetishes could become the norm in our local communities.

The most profound challenge that we will face, and let me be the first to predict this, is an avalanche of “male order brides” from strange locales. Radical homosexuals won’t even need to leave their homes to track down exotic mates. There will be websites where specimens (and their organs) will be displayed in rows like the fruit section at Piggly Wiggly. Specialties, fetishes, positions and every other detail will be revealed. For a negotiable fee, you can click up that hairy-chested Spanish bodybuilder, or that delicate Thai acrobat. Sun-kissed Brazilians and sarcasm-ready Frenchmen, Czech boy toys and African nutcrackers, all will be just an email away! I imagine they’ll even have surly alcoholic Russians and ashen-faced Canadians (because, as any expert on the homosexual internet culture will tell you, gay sex fetishes often descend into the bizarre).

How do we expect to remain a viable and moral culture if sexual congress becomes the central purpose of marriage? How will we even pay for this influx of foreign flamboyance and sass? What will America need to do to keep these armies of swarthies in check? Will citizens need to patrol our parks and highway rest stops and other common homosexual hunting grounds late at night? If that’s what it takes to keep heterosexuality safe in America, sign me up because I love my country and will do anything to protect her.