Kale Chips, Silent Killer

Posted on by Doc Bacon

This suspiciously innocuous leaf is now terrorizing the American homeland.

An eerie hush has fallen over the hamlet of Kingston, New York. Long gone are the tractors and pickup trucks of this once vibrant farming community.

The Knightsbridge neighborhood of London is suffering the same fate. Home after home is darkened for months on end. Some streets are so devoid of inhabitants that the newspapers sellers and cheese shops have abandoned the area entirely.

What these two very different locales have in common is an explosive crisis that no one is talking about: Kale Chips.

Today, kale chips are hacking a corridor through the northeastern United States like a CIA-financed Contra drug mule with a machete. In their wake, they’re leaving broken lives and a society on edge.

The radical liberal agenda is, in a word, insatiable.

Kale Chips were first invented in the socialist frying pan that is Canada. This questionable appetizer then seeped across the border, finding its way into artisanal bistros and glossy cook books. Illuminati rock star Beyoncé famously celebrated the food stuff in her controversial video for “7/11” in 2014.

Memes like this have flooded the internet in a coordinated effort to legitimize the “kale chip lifestyle choice.”

Today, they’ve become a staple of “New American Cuisine,” that appalling code word for gentrification and the death of the working class. It’s even crept over to traditional Southern menus and “Asian Fusion,” but don’t let that fool you. The kale chip is the ultimate symbol of elite status, of “new America” versus old, of white Christian traditionalism versus the polyglot of the globalist creative class now hijacking our home towns.

We could point out that kale leaves are sourced in soil that is unusually vulnerable to chemtrail sprays. We could mention that the water in these areas is highly fluoridated. Or we might show the proximity of kale farms to the secret bases where military-mind control is practiced on a daily basis. All these facts no doubt contribute to the brutal danger of the kale chip to normal citizens.

But even worse, the kale chip represents a worldview that is antithetical to American values. It is pretentiously intellectual and suspiciously socialist. It is a direct insult to the homeland potato, arguably our nation’s greatest ally.

Threatening the American potato is the ultimate treason of the kale chip. This act validates the radical liberal lifestyle choice so popular among the young. It spells ruin for generations of farming families and devastates an age-old staple of fast food.

Say goodbye to the economies of Idaho and Wisconsin, Colorado and North Dakota!

Yet despite the public knowing of this horror, the march of the kale chip continues. And it continues with brassy smugness! No wonder these so-called “chips” are connected to testicular puff and sexual liberation. It’s all part and parcel of the larger “organic” subculture burning down this nation from within.

How far of a leap is it from kale chips to marijuana abuse, Resistance protests and even revolution?

We do not yet know, but watching this noxious kale chip trend take hold in our heartland kitchens makes me think we will soon find out!

About This Journalist

Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton, DDS and BOHDSc, is a retired physician who spent decades fighting on the frontlines of America’s healthcare fiasco. Today, he uses his journalism to inoculate citizens against our nation’s pandemic of socialism, scientism and sexual perversion.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Kale was originally used as toilet papers in finer Colonial homes during the late 1700’s.

    Flash forward to the 1960’s – The use of kale in MK Ultra and so called “mental hygiene” efforts was injected into the American appetite via the medulla oblongata. Commercials featuring adorable toilet paper using bears (real bears use rabbits) worried over bits of bum paper, combined with the chemtrail efforts, has buried kale’s past as a toilet paper and enticed hipsters and namby pamby millenials into ingesting something that is really just nature’s butt cloth.

  • obadiahorthodox

    i always knew that is why liburls talk s%it all the time.

  • People seem to forget that all plants carry mind-altering chemicals.Not just some plants.There are still undiscovered hallucinogens and opioides in our daily food, and Kale looks very suspicious.
    We could all be tripping balls,without knowing it.