Bizarre Late Season Humidity May Explain Why Hillary Is Beating Trump in Some Polls

Posted on by Derby Mack
Elderly voters should be warned that Hillary is the "pro-humidity" candidate.

Elderly voters should be warned that Hillary is the “pro-humidity” candidate.

Hot weather is dangerous, but you’d never hear the liberal media admit it. They’re too busy celebrating all that “glorious sunshine” with coverage of half-naked youngsters frolicking on the streets like randy rabbits in a pepper patch.

For the elderly, this is particularly infuriating. All this warmth poses grave health risks, including heat stroke and even death. Adding insult to injury, now the humidity levels have gone off the charts. This crisis has prompted older Americans to ask, “What the heck is happening to my country?”

Many in the alternative media were left speechless by the revelations that Barack Hussein Obama and his puppeteers at the Club of Rome have been controlling the weather for decades. They use billion-dollar government facilities like Alaska’s HAARP station to seed our clouds or cause tornado strikes. Chemtrails, anyone?

Are these the very same forces causing all this terrible humidity?

Young people have no idea how older Americans suffer with hot, sticky air. It forces us inside. We grow tired and angry. Everything irritates us! We have nothing better to do than sit in a sweaty recliner and watch the cable all day. Just thinking about the electrical charges for that air conditioner is enough to make your hemorrhoids feel like the surface of the sun! Is it any surprise, then, that this is what the liberals actually want? They want us patriotic voters to be in pain, lethargic and infuriated in the heavy musk of our TV rooms while the young people are running around the streets in jockstraps and bikinis screaming against Donald J. Trump!

Will older Americans get up off that sweaty chair to vote Trump?

Will enough older Americans get up off that sweaty chair to vote Trump and save this country?

Yes, it really is all about this election. Why else would it be so bizarrely humid this time of year? And it’s hitting the South the worst. It’s no coincidence that’s precisely where Trump’s support is strongest. Political studies have shown a direct correlation between the heat index and elderly non-voting patterns. This immediately benefits Hillary Clinton, despite her own inability to deal with the hot weather (she’s an elder person just like us, after all!).

More than anything else this election year, the humidity really gets me outraged. It shows you what a terrible human being Hillary is and how she’ll do anything to make the elderly suffer. It’s yet another example of her cruelty, her inner evil selfishness and why she doesn’t care about normal American folks like Mr. Trump does.

Every time I get up from my chair and feel my back dripping in puddles of rank sweat, I think of Hillary. She’s done this to me! And somewhere out there, on a gold-plated private jet with Federal-government financed air conditioning, she’s laughing at us little sweaty little people! She’s dialing down that thermostat to outrageous levels and cackling at us! Thinking of Hillary’s big government A/C bills just makes my blood boil even more! And then the hemorrhoids flare! Hash tag thanks Hillary!!!

This is exactly the sort of bullcrap that we’re electing Mr. Trump to fix. First day in office he will take decisive action on the humidity crisis, I guarantee it! And once we’ve all cooled down a bit, we can focus on wiping the streets clean of those “hipster” kids and rounding up all the socialists in our media, right after sending Hillary to jail for the humiliation of making us sweat like a hippie’s armpit at a jalapeno picnic!

About This Journalist

Founder, Editor-in-Chief and CEO of, Derby Mack is an American Patriot who has dedicated his life to loving his country and preparing his family for the National Apocalypse. He would like to thank the Founding Fathers, President Reagan and Jesus Christ for the opportunity to share Wisdom with every member of the community. God Bless and Stay Vigilant!

  • Cassidy Pen

    It seems to me that the same phenomenon plaughed Dick Nixon in 1960 when those Kennedys cranked up the heaters and made the Republican nominee sweat devil horns.

    Hillary and Slick Willy Clinton are certainly in the know how a public perception of this manner can make the other guy appear a grumpy hothead. This is how all the lies about Trump being out of touch resonates with the “style-over-substance” left in the country.

    Hopefully, the Donald can bring an effective counterpoint to the debates.

    • Kaylee-Aurora

      Woah, that’s really a smart point!!!!

  • Blanche Beecham

    Derby, Elder Abuse is a serious charge that should be investigated by a committee. When will this sour witch stop casting her hoodoo on us poor folks? I don’t recall being this miserable and marinated in flop sweat prior to Barry Hussein Obama taking office or making Frau HiLLz secretary of evil. It is time to put her in jail.

    You know there’s been so much in the news about brainwashing and I really feel that the weather and chem-trail connection is probably in the next email leak.

  • Ralph Hater

    Keep the government OUT of weather politics. Sick and tired of 60 degree weather being reported as “90 degrees” on my local station to insight fear and scare good people away from the church on Sundays. I go WITH or WITHOUT AC.