It was the 1990s. America was still riding high on the Ronald Reagan inspiration train. We were workers and innovators, fighting to keep the United States at the forefront of the global marketplace. Our greatest television shows– Home Improvement, Coach, Touched By An Angel and Major Dad– extolled the Reagan-era ideals of hardworking, patriotic men.
Thrilled by Nancy Reagan’s independence and background in Hollywood, a new breed of lead feminine roles also appeared– Suddenly Susan, Jesse, Caroline in the City, Grace Under Fire, Murphy Brown…
And even lusty liberal Bill Clinton could not escape a disapproving glance from television land. His scandal-plagued presidency was challenged year for year byWalker, Texas Ranger and that icon of conservatism, Chuck Norris. It’s no coincidence that Norris’s stern disgust with liberal antics overlapped perfectly with the Clintons’ presidency (1993-2001) for this nation yearned for a righteous, faithful counterpoint to what they saw in Washington.
Yet all this changed the moment one improbable, misguided and offensive new series was introduced to young audiences. It told the story of six lazy and obnoxious twenty-somethings living alone in the big city. They were profoundly self-absorbed in a hardcore world of sloth and sex, “creativity” and indecision. It was a delicious fantasy too addictive for juvenile minds to pass up. The name of this program was Friends and it changed America forever.
Friends introduced a reckless vision of young adulthood that was radically out of step with both the fundamentals of the U.S. Constitution and the faith of our Founding Fathers. It was a profound cultural mistake, one that resonates to the very heart of our current economic and spiritual crises. Today, we are undoubtedly surrounded by the bastard children of that show’s most salacious stars. We see Chandlers and Rachels, Joeys and Courtneys everywhere. We call this generation the“hipsters” and they are threatening our ability to propel this nation’s traditional values into the future.
What made this show so successful? The 1980s were very good for the American family and that allowed the children born in this era feel entitled. They grew up with an easy life of safe schools, cheap gasoline, racial harmony and loving parents. By the time they hit their late teens and early twenties, the laziest ones were not ready to transition into mature responsibility. They wanted some excuse to continue living like spoiled children. Friends gave them exactly what they were looking for.
Friends sold our children on the idea of running away from home. It told them to abandon their heartland values for the big city where every sort of exciting vice awaited them. For the girls, a burgeoning biological interest in sexuality found an outlet in the skimpy dresses and multiethnic dates of Aniston and Kudrow. They thought nothing of vamping up like prostitutes and grinding their innocence into every bacterial corner of the modern ghetto. The dippy hippie stupidity of Phoebe went even lower, suggesting the dope high of the marijuana addict with a knowing, sleazy wink.
Naturally, the skanky scent of promiscuity excited the young male viewers of Friends and they followed suit to San Francisco, Boston and New York. Some boys, titillated by Matthew Perry’s erotic ambiguity and Joey’seasy sensuality, moved away from home to explore darker desires. The growth of urban homosexuality in the late 1990s was the pernicious result. Far away from the loving embrace of Mother and the wisdom of Father, countless Friends fanatics became slaves to the sweaty musk of male lust. In just this one regard, the damage done to American masculinity has been incalculable.
What happened to our children once they landed in the real world of this dark and crazy urban nightmare? They sought to emulate their TV “friends” in every way. No, they were not celebrating careers as bankers or doctors or even men in uniform. These kids were failed actors and coffee shop girls who never quite amounted to anything career-wise. Or else they sold their bodies as prostitutes under the guise of being “masseuses” like Phoebe, so desperate was she for ready cash to feed her growing reefer addiction. Courtney, ostensibly a cook, could never keep a job for long, while Ross pursued liberal ivy tower academia, where his geeky social inadequacy was perfectly at home. Is it any wonder today’s hipsters also style themselves as academic artists unashamed about being unemployed? And just like the characters on Friends, their parents pay for glamorous big city apartments they could otherwise ill-afford. This act of homesteading in ghetto locales even has a name. It’s called “gentrification” and it’s one of the principal reasons Friends was never able to attract a black or Latino viewership.
Some have argued that the Kramer character on Seinfeld! first pioneered the hipster aesthetic on television. Others suggest the furry pet alien on Alf. But Alf was seen as too energetic and ethnic to be a role model for white sloth. And Kramer, ultimately, was considered too elitist, East Coast, alternative, intellectual and left wing for heartland America. When today’s hipster generation talks about its roots, they will inevitably mention their formative years in front of a big boxy TV set with their Friends. So much of today’s radical liberalism can be traced directly back to the heinous agenda of Rachel, Courtney, Ross, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler. Their wastefulness reached a critical point with our mortgage crisis. Their abandonment of patriotism can be seen in our loss of global military gravitas. Their ghetto-sized atheistic immorality opened the door to sodomy and homosexual marriage.
Now that our hipsters are joining the ranks of the middle-aged unemployed, we must face the question of what to do with them. It should come as no surprise that Barack Obama, whose election was primarily due to theFriends demographic, has been so adamant about socialism. Bankrupting our future with entitlement programs to pay for the comfort of today’s hipsters is one of the most disturbing endgames at play in the democrat party. It seems like Obama will do anything to keep the illusion of Friends going. If only we had a leader like Ronald Reagan who could tell the American public once and for all that this nightmare program was never realistic in the first place.