Super Elite Homosexuals Are Now Recruiting Extraterrestrials Into Their Ungodly Lifestyle

Posted on by Stephenson Billings

aliensexCan you feel it? That suffocating musk of “change” that pervades contemporary life? The future is literally breathing down our necks and some of the most dangerous people in human history are taking advantage of that brave new world.

Alien contact is no longer a question of if and when, but of how much. From eyewintess accounts to Illuminati confessions, the evidence of their presence is simply overwhelming.

On the forefront of this burgeoning intergalactic communion is an exclusive club of power players. They control vast swaths of our civilization, from entertainment and news media to high technology, investment banking, fashion and beauty care. Known simply as the “Super-Homosexuals,” these apex predators are driven by a criminal lust to control every aspect of normal people’s lives.

They count anonymous Arabian caliphs and European aristocrats among their members, as well as such recognizable names as Calvin Klein, Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah Winfrey, Karl Lagerfeld, Neil Patrick Harris, Anderson Cooper, John Travolta, Andre Leon Talley, Jann Wenner, Peter Thiel, Elton John, Stefani Germanotta, Tim Cook, David Geffen, RuPaul Charles and Ian McKellen.

And now their unspeakable moral corruption is poised to infect every corner of the physical universe.

A New Dawn, a Dark Peril
The day when our extraterrestrial visitors formally announce themselves is fast approaching. For now, we must take distress in the fact that we are being drowned in their abominable technologies. Yet this is exchange is by no means a one-way street.


The homosexual agenda is marching on to new worlds.

When that first contact was made, the aliens likely needed guidance. It was a confusing, tumultuous time in their lives. Our civilization can feel so chaotic, contradictory and cruel. Earth’s atmosphere may have even triggered unusual changes in their bodies and hormones. Emotions were raw. Strange, new urges arose. Under these circumstances, they wanted to rebel against our rules. At times, everything seemed just so unfair. And that’s when the gays swooped in.

Super-Homosexuals have always styled themselves as the global elite’s cultural ambassadors. They play up their role as the cool uncles of “progress,” a shadow government on the cutting edge of taste and trends. Rarely do they hold national office for that would entail public obligations and legal oversight. Instead, they party on the fringes. But whether it be in the ancient Roman baths or modern-day DuPont Circle, they’ve always gathered in the shadows of power, whispering their illicit fantasies in the ears of our elected officials.

As evidenced by tech innovations and the subliminal messages in the liberal media, sodomites have taken on the role as the counselors, teachers, advisors, mentors and coaches to our alien guests. Maybe they’ve bonded over athletic contests and find fraternity in the locker room. Or else they share books on a library couch late into the night. It’s all but inevitable that these fraudulent father figures will at some point demand time alone with these otherworldly travelers. Drugs and alcohol could be offered. A back massage, perhaps? And then the true meaning of the gay agenda will be revealed in all its flaming, tumescent glory.

Lured Into a Terrestrial Vice
At this point in our narrative, we must expose the second secret weapon of the Super-Homosexual no matter how graphic its nature. Over the last two decades, carnal degenerates have reinvented themselves as a new breed of sexual animal. This type of monster is not held back by any known bounds of decency. He will assault our churches, our legal system, the institution of marriage, American patriotism and even Jesus Christ Himself in order to get his lusty way.


Homosexuals are known to lure their victims to remote locations, such as highway rest stops and national parks after closing hours.

Many gays shave their heads bald to pay homage to our hairless extraterrestrial brothers. They have renounced gender norms in an attempt to spread the notion of interspecies copulation. Fisting, furries, cross-dressing, stem cells, socialism, water sports, bondage, frottage, all these acts of the sodomite underground are but tributes to the vice of interstellar orgies. “Diversity,” that buzzword of the radical left, is nothing more than code for the shocking possibilities of alien-human penetration.

Planting the Seed for an Intergalactic Crisis
How long will it take for our extraterrestrial boarders to realize they’ve been recruited? Like so many youngsters before them, one imagines it to be a pitiful scene that each will experience in the horrible solitude of his own mind. Maybe our antihero will wake up one morning on a moist futon at the back of some inner city loft, amidst used jockstraps and leather whips. The sharp stink of sodomy will cut through the air. Naked human bodies strewn about, the remnants of an after-hours, interspecies rape session. His stirrings will awaken a predator and his trusty serpentine appendage. Pushed face down into the crust of those rancid sheets, this blue-skinned inmate will feel the fresh pain of violation all over again. None of his numerable alien orifices will be spared as the gays encircle.

This is what it means to be indoctrinated into the hardcore homosexual lifestyle, this troubled creature tells himself, as the next super user takes control. The humiliation will be so great that he won’t even consider Earth’s compassionate community of Christian faith. No, the devastating pain of same-sex sin will drive him to seek out intoxicants and pornography to hide his shame. And when those escapes are not enough, he may even turn to spreading his affliction farther afield. It’s not hard to see the endgame of this scenario, the sodomite alien traveling from Earth to recruit other planets into the deadly calculus of this ungodly subculture. And somewhere, on some private Caribbean island, an Apex Super-Homosexual will laugh over his brunch of marijuana blunts and Brazilian go-go boys, knowing that his heinous phallic agenda is on its way to conquering a universe that has yet to be blessed by Biblical wisdom.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Kids today don’t say Girlfriend or Boyfriend anymore. They use this term BAE, which I first thought was a homage to that horrible Illuminati singer from the Superbowl 50 halftime show; is isn’t. BAE stands for BiSexual Androgynous Extraterrestrial. Just take a look around. What used to be easily a visual queue in normal social interactions – a person’s gender is something none of us can take for granted! Is it a “he” or a “she” – who knows anymore? Boys are wearing skirts and girls are far from dainty or refined. It can boggle the mind.

    I am also very suspicious of these new “FITBIT” things. I strongly suspect they are used to communicate with the SuperAlien Homosexual Bosses and turn our youth into alien fornicating jackrabbits. Just consider that these small electronic devices track a person’s sleep and gives that information to whom? Alien Abductors that’s whom. Soon we will all be on the conveyor belt for probing. Save US Dear Savior! Alllah banana slstang oipah nagburg skll erp lawop gangertrop! Amen.

    • Kaylee-Aurora

      That’s so weird! I always wondered what bae means and I dont even know how to pronounce it but just see it on message boards and memes. And I got a fitbit for Christmas, but I haven’t charged it yet. Maybe I really should be worried. I read the other day the Chinese put RFID chips in our refrigators to monitor people and now TVs can record our voices and send it to the NSA. What a wild world we live in Blanche! Hope you’re well my friend!!!!!!

      • Blanche Beecham

        I always pray for you Baby-Girl! Hugs and Hi to your family!

        • Emma

          No it doesn’t 😂 bae stands for ‘before anyone else’. Everyone still uses the terms boyfriend and girlfriend! Bae is just another word you would use like baby or sweetheart.

          • Not Becky

            That’s what you would have us to believe. They’ve already gotten to you, apparently.

          • Chiennoir

            OMG, Emma must have eaten some kale. Or arugula. Perhaps some of that scary risotto. That’s how the aliens get into your brain, you know.

          • Tom Brown

            What about protein shakes? I have protein shakes every night. Is that what made me gay?

          • Sean McLaughlin

            Did said protein shake come out of an alien’s penis?

          • Thad R Moorland

            Alien penis is the best. You got the triple testicles for maximum Sploot.

          • Chiennoir

            …only if they have, you know, gay stuff in them.

          • Were you gay when you weren’t enjoying delicious protein shakes?

            Wait, are they delicious?

          • Abba Scodilli

            Ummmm, sure, blame the protein shake for your gayness??? WTF???

          • wiredream

            You’re a mental patient.

          • Thad R Moorland

            So, you’re NOT Becky? What have you done with Becky, you deceitful little troll bitch from hell?!?

          • Sean McLaughlin

            This comment proves without a doubt you’re a member of the illuminati.

          • Abba Scodilli

            And that comment proves without a doubt that yer a loon…

          • Sean McLaughlin

            And your response to my comment only proves that you’re a lizard person! Lizard people are the only ones that would respond to anyone they perceive as a loon! It’s because of the lack of a frontal lobe cortex and having two spleens. I’ve got my eye on you and your Pluto Sector 5 style IP ADDRESS…

          • Abba Scodilli

            Four words for you: Off The Deep End. Youza crazy person! Lizard person indeed! LOL! Back to your Loony Bin!

          • Sean McLaughlin

            Pfft. When Jay-Z and Clint Eastwood come knocking on your door for your guns and to install a microchip in your hand, don’t come crying to me about it. I warned ya! (gotta wipe my computer now and microwave the hard drive now, ugh!)

          • Abba Scodilli

            Ummmmm, WTF? Loon status: confirmed. I’m in Canada anyway – yer weird USA ways affect me not!

          • Sean McLaughlin

            If I had a dime for every time a lizard person told me they were Canadian I’d be the king of roswell by now.

          • Abba Scodilli

            Sure thing Yer Majesty! So how many tinfoil hats do you own?

          • Sean McLaughlin

            It’s ALUMINUM foil, thank you very much!

          • Abba Scodilli

            I did wonder why my hypnotic beam wasn’t locking on…, damned technological upgrades! I have had to reschedule yer probe so many times now… Oh well a few adjustments will be required (replace the emitter array) we will schedule you in for Oct 15th your calendar, tentatively… I am rather busy.

      • Hawkmoon

        I think Rumplestiltskin used it in Once Upon a Time did he not? He referred to love as Bae.

      • Tom Brown

        Yes, be afraid. Be very afraid. I just regained my membership to the secret gay agenda and I happen to know that the SuperHomosexual Alien bosses are coming to anal probe you as we speak. Those Chinese RFID chips sent them your latitude and longitude.

        • Manu

          Hahahaha! Nice one sir! I really wonder what these people here smoke.

          • Abba Scodilli

            Dirty spunk sox…

        • Mark Joll

          I am awaiting my confirmation. Super sperm is the power I requested, but I think I am only approved for iron-like buttocks. Wish me luck!

          • Thad R Moorland

            You don’t want super sperm; get those fuckers in your hair and you got a fetus-cluster hat for 9 nine months.

          • Mark Joll

            Thanks for the warning. I tend to be over-zealous when it comes to things that are super or sperm-y. Your experience has saved me months, if not years, of misery.

        • Tj

          Tom, i’m one of those super ” homosexual” activist….I’m working with progressive church’s as an openly gay seminary and I need donations to continue the work that I’m doing against hate…please donate

        • Booth McKeown

          that sounds hot

      • SFRussell1963

        Yes dear. You should be worried. The gays are coming for you. That fit bit is pinging your location right now. Resistance is futile.

      • Abba Scodilli

        Fitbits are evil! They tell you how much you have exercised that day! Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Heath

        You guys make being gay seem amazing, were do we all sign up.

      • fermata

        Blanche clearly is NOT well, nor, apparently, are you.

        • Abba Scodilli

          Ya, there are three ‘regulars’ that post total looniness on here. That would be Billings, Blanche, and Kaylee. You should visit their FB pages. It is just like this site. I think they actually believe what they write. Most people wonder how they even go outside.

          Oh, they’re fun to rip apart too. Sometimes they get so pissed! LOL! Lotsa fun!

          Others to watch out for: Cassidy Pen, Doc Bacon, Derby Mac, and Henricus Institor. Cassidy has a FB page… More then likely the others do too. Most of em spout utter claptrap.

    • SentientHunter

      Thanks for alerting us to those FITBIT thingies. I was suspicious. You saved me, Blanche!

      • John Cunliffe


    • Graham Spence

      Ah Blanche, ya tarty old slot machine. I adore you. Reynold’s Wrap just called. Your new hats are in.

      • stray_bullett

        Reynold’s Wrap……..classic, just classic

      • Abba Scodilli

        L – O – L 😀

        I luv Blanche, her views are always so…, interesting. And by interesting I mean hilarious!

    • Educated Fitness Buff

      The FITBIT is an activity monitor such as others manufactured by Nike and Garmin to motivate fat, uneducated bigots to get off their arses.

      • John Cunliffe

        unfortunately, they don’t do anything about right wing bottom feeders…they can’t afford it.

        • Jack Naborson

          Hmm… I just realized I’ve been a bottom feeder for years, now!!

      • Theodore Turbulence

        Illuminati confirmed

    • Danny

      Why are you so fucking stupid and obsessed with religion so much you can’t even see what’s in front of you BAE means before anyone else if you were with this century your dumb ass would know that. And are you that fucking stupid to realize homosexuality is normal you talked about ass shaped candy you fail to realize there’s vagina candy too? As if it all matters the point is even animals are gay the fucking bats are the most gay. It’s a natural thing so shut the fuck up with your stupidity and realize that when you meet an amazing gay person that is nicer then your own heterosexual religious freak friends then you’ll realize how wrong your entire existence is.

      • leemd46

        I truly think Blanche is a spoofer of a higher order. Try looking at it like that….really is funny.

      • Jose

        Are you fucking stupid or what? If homosexuality was normal then why cant they reproduce you dumb fuck if that was normal then there wouldnt be anymore people by your dumbass idea of normal

        • Norm

          You’re confusing the term “normal” with “unanimous”. I can see why you’re angry. That happens when you don’t understand things.

          • S.R Lee

            “I can see why you’re angry. That happens when you don’t understand things.” That was perfect. Lol

        • nickdavid


        • Aidan Howard

          What do you mean we can’t reproduce? Are you telling me that my three children are NOT mine? I think that I am entitled to a refund of my child support.

          • Andy Priest

            GAY DAD’S UNITE… AND ‘SHAG!’ X

        • Aaron Dickens

          If reproduction is what constitutes normal, then infertile men and women are not normal, and we should stop making mules.

        • leemd46

          Jose, it isn’t “Normal.” But it is natural to the homosexual. We were born homosexual or Bi-Sexual or Heterosexual. Heterosexuality is the Norm, since most of us were born more on the Heterosexual end of the continuum, but that doesn’t mean that homosexuals are any less right than we are, any more than a blue eyed person is inferior or sinful than a browned person is. It is how each of us chooses to live our lives within our sexual orientation that determines our lifestyles. I want all people to live honestly as they are, not hide themselves away, perhaps putting forth the face of “normalcy” by marrying and having children only to be living a life of depression and maybe causing pain on the unsuspecting spouse and children down the road when pretense can no longer be kept up.

        • philip patterson

          oh here’s that mindless reproduction argument again and again………don’t you ever get tired of repeating that bs over and over?………..there have always been gay people for thousands of years you idiot………..there have always been straight people……..there are many many bisexual people too… a book……..educate yourself………the reason people have starved to death through thousands of years of history…….and not just today……is that straight people breed like rabbits…..hello?…….who’s going to support a family of 15??????? you heterosexuals should stop breeding like there’s no tomorrow……….and many many straight people are horrible parents………domestic violence of all kinds……….beating up their own kids………..putting them down….you see it all the time…..many gay people are much better parents……….more patient and caring… stop your lies……I wasn’t born yesterday…… are the fool…….start educating yourself…….I could say to you jose……that you come across as a stupid uneducated latino……….with a 3rd grade education….and many people believe latinos are only good for fucking……….that they have no brains…..all they know how to do is have sex all the time……….over sexed…….over horny brainless uneducated animals that have 50 babies…………just a pussy and a dick for having 30 babies at a time for welfare to support…………doesn’t feel good to be stereotyped does it JOSE??????…….straight people are far from perfect…..many of them are fucked up… shut up…………stop trying to lie to people like they’re stupid…… heartless cold slug………..

        • Danno

          We’re gay. Not sterile. You can ask my ex-wife, mother of my four children, all of whom (for good or bad) look just like me.

        • Abba Scodilli

          Population control… Nature builds it in 🙂

      • Darth Zombie

        ZOMG! Ease up, Rambo.

      • Graham Spence

        Sooooo there’s this thing called Google. Use it. This is a satire site.

        • Tom Brown

          I did use Google. It didn’t say this was a satire site. I really hope it is though. I have little hope for humanity if people are really this stupid. These folks give a bad name to the regular conspiracy theorists.

        • Blanche Beecham

          Danny is obviously a *Bing* user. Not sure how he got here.

          • Abba Scodilli


        • Gabe B


      • seanmartin

        Uhm, dude, ever hear of satire? I mean, yeah, difficult concept to wrap one’s fingers around. But trust me, once you get the hang of it, it feels really, really nice…. as a concept, of course.

      • Harmony

        It’s satire, you fucknut.

      • Thad R Moorland

        Her dumb ass smothered to death in barf-green tweed 90 years ago. I imagine it’s all white and cold and puckered. She may have to poop via her vagina. Imagine that. I feel sorry for her and her poopy vagina. I’ll pray for her.

    • leemd46

      Love your spoof. Too funny.

    • nickdavid

      Blanch love VAGINAholesgimme UR face

    • Paul Plimmer

      So it not simply a shortened version of Babe then??????? 🙂

    • Hawkmoon

      Blanche, your God doesn’t exist and never ever did. So how do you feel now?

    • Tom Brown

      Umm… I have a Garmin watch. Does that come equipped with the SuperAlien Homosexual Bosses communication function, or do I have to get the premium version for that? Really, all my silly watch seems to do is track how far I jog and what my pace is. Which button do I push to chat with the SuperAlien Homosexual bosses? Is it the lap button? I would really like to know. Ever since the secret gay agenda head office lost my mailing address I am really starting to feel left out here.

      I don’t have a boyfriend now. I do, however, have someone who I consider to be my ‘friends with benefits’. I’m not sure I would call him a BAE if that really means Bisexual Androgenous Extraterrestrial, since, well, he’s not bisexual, androgenous or extraterrestrial. Well, I guess he could be bisexual and just have not told me. He doesn’t look particularly androgenous though, and if extraterrestrials are blue-skinned and multi-orificed I probably would have picked up on that little detail when I was having sex with him.

      Actually I looked up BAE. It means Before Anyone Else. Personally I think that is pretty sweet. It is also the Danish word for poop – but I don’t think that’s the context it is used in when people refer to their significant other as their bae.

      • Syme

        When I read that the author of this article says he’s also a “childrens’ party entertainer and antique soda bottle collector,” I immediately warned my local PTA to be vigilant, then began sealing my doors and windows with duct tape.

        • Abba Scodilli


      • JDS

        Yes and the Apple watch also.

    • easynow


    • Frank Hoffman

      ha ha ha — hilarious spoof, right down to the misspelling of “cue.” And the name — “Blanche” — nice touch.

    • Man, I had no idea! Thanks for clearing that up. I couldn’t put my finger directly on it… kind of like an itch that when you scratch it, it moves somewhere else nearby… or like looking for an object that you could have sworn was right there just a minute ago.

      I just hope that if I get probed that they’re gentle.

      • Blanche Beecham

        I think there are a lot of preventative measures that can lower the probability of probing. Things like avoiding the Homosexual Super Bosses so you don’t become a target or maybe clenching so you aren’t seen as “available” on a secret thermal scan. One absolute must to avoid being probed would be to avoid the use of something called “poppers”.

        • Patrick

          Do you only know what poppers are made for? Get a try, you’ll maybe like it!

        • It probably wouldn’t hurt to work on my Kegel excercises. (Could that be called Kanals?)

          Thank you for the kind wishes, Blanche. I’m prepared to be probed without undue hardship. A little hardship may not be so bad as my openness could help bond humanity with extraterrestrial beings.

        • Tom Brown

          What if I really, really want to be probed? What do I do then?

          • Stormageddon1

            bend over and crack a smile.

      • Stormageddon1

        peter whitley they will make you ask for it. it all depends upon which word you put the emphasis.
        “I didn’t ask for the anal probe.”
        g’head. try it. you’ll understand.

    • Rebecca Korbet-Wootton

      This is the funniest thing I have ever read… you’re the new Erma Bombeck! Please get a regular column ASAP, I for one will be watching, waiting, hanging on your every post.

    • Bruce Van Dieten

      Thank you!

    • Gangertrop

      Very funny, “Blanche.”

    • Wisqerbisqit

      Actually I took a chance and bought a Fitbit after reading the posts here. Turns out it gave me homosexual thoughts and feelings as well as an affinity for Methamphetamines. Not only that, but it filled my closets with leather garments and turned my dog into a newt.

      My advice? Stay as far away from Fitbits as possible. It’s not worth the risk.

    • Terrified and Trembling

      Oh, Ms. Beecham, we live in such confusing times. We can’t rely on anything anymore. How do these things keep happening to good people like us? You are so right to suspect those “FITBIT” things. I personally know for a fact that a large number of people who innocently purchased them are now NOT THE SAME! And thank you for letting me know that others are aware of the threat of the SuperAlien Homosexual Bosses. I lie awake at night trembling over the very thought of this. Don’t you? At least I think that’s what the trembling is. Could be the fluoride that they force us to drink in the water. I for one would give up all my teeth to keep myself pure. Do you know how the SuperAlien Homosexual Bosses came to be? I mean, I thought the Super Elite Homosexuals had just started recruiting them. Is it worse than that? Have the Aliens risen to be SuperAlien Homosexual Bosses? Oh, my…I’m trembling now. And I think you are spot on about BAE. I just worry that soon, BAE won’t be enough. They will start to include the Aliens and then it will be TriSexual InterSpecies Polyogenous Multi-Terrestrial. THEN WHAT?!?!?!?!

    • Terrified and Trembling

      Now Blance, remember when you and I used to ROMP? I mean, the things you could do were, dare I say it…out of this world. I long for the day that we can share our unique needs and launch each other into that abyss that I remember so well. Forget what the rest of these people on this planet say. Oh, sure…THEY’RE the sane ones. You know. And I know. Only you know and I know. I mean, all the lovin’ we’ve got to show. So don’t refuse to believe it by reading too many meanings, ’cause you know that I mean what I say. So don’t go, and never take me the wrong way. You know you can’t go on gettin’ your own way, cause if you do, it’s gonna get you someday! We’re both here to be pleasin’…oh, no, no, not deceivin’, but it’s hard to believe in, ah yeah, when you’ve been so mistreated. If I seem to mislead you it’s just my craziness comin’ through. But when it comes down to just two, ah, I ain’t no crazier than you. You can call me Dave if you’d like. And yes, I’m a Mason.

    • mia


    • JDS

      Its perfectly fine for young kids to call each other “BAE” however when I hear a 50 year old man use that term I cringe.

    • bogil

      Wow, what a detailed story of super sex with an alien. Not to mention, the sharp smell of sodomy with these poor misguided aliens.
      You are crazy! You have put a lot of thought into how us sodomites live, breed and our supposed agenda. You have sinned more in your mind than I have.
      Fucking crazy

    • Cj myers

      This story and thread is completely hilarious! I wonder if someone would take this seriously?

    • D

      Or, ya know, it’s short for babe.

    • Matt Smith

      Wait … this is all satire, right? I’m so confused.

    • TMM

      I have a Garmin, similar to a “FITBIT” and I love it! It makes a series of beeping noises when ET is phoning home, the mother ship is near, or when a gay bar is within my vicinity. Very useful and I would HIGHLY recommend!

    • William Gibbons

      There are no “aliens.” They are demonic entities that control the homosexual movement, among other things.


      There is a colossal amount of deception going on in the world that it’s getting hard to keep track of it all. Keep your prayers regular and your prayer coverage strong!

    • Abba Scodilli

      Oh Blanche! You so crazy! One wonders how you even go outside…

    • Thad R Moorland

      Banana slstang oipah nagburg skll erp lawop gangertrops are delicious. Apple and brown sugar slstang oipah nagburg skll erp lawop gangertrops are good too. But if you fear brown sugar you can substitute white, raw or paste. I gather you were big on eating paste in college so go make that Apple and paste slstang oipah nagburg skll erp lawop gangertrop, you dear old Clump, you!

    • Mike white

      Uummm haa hhaaaaaa. You’re hella dumb. Bae is a lazy way to say bae. Dork.

    • a gay lord

      your last name is fucking beecham and you look like an old ironing board why should i listen to you

  • Aaron McGraw

    First of all, the image you lifted from a still of the film Prometheus is copyrighted and using it to suggest liberals everywhere are about to come out of the closet and own up to extraterrestrial buggery probably isn’t covered by the fair use clause. Also, the background in the assembled image appears to feature some kind of homosexual orgy. Is this from the author’s personal photo collection or is it something Mr. Billings originally downloaded as a background for his desktop? The wording he chose to describe being sodomized ( “pushed face down into the crust of rancid sheets”) seems so descriptive, that only an individual accustomed to frequently having performed anallingus on a variety of same-sex partners would be familiar with said crustiness and rancidity associated with such pungent stain production. Don’t get me wrong, his in depth, first hand knowledge of homosexual intercourse lends a level of authenticity as an author. Maybe not pertaining to far-fetched feltching of muscular blue skinned spacemen, but as an experienced licker of male sphincters and foreskins and gargler of semen, urine, and Gatorade contaminated with human fecal material

    • Blanche Beecham

      First off, it is Doctor Stephenson Billings, although he is without an egotistical bone in his body and would never throw that in your uneducated face. Second, there’s a Mrs. Billings, in fact two – his dear Mother and his wife. Third, Mr. Billings dedicates himself to learning about radical homosexualism in all its horrifying displays so he can report with authenticity to his readership.

      While Your posting is a little sassy, It is actually is a bit of a compliment. Dr. Billings works tirelessly to endure the thick musky alleyways and dank misty bathhouses so you and I don’t have to and still understand the horror that awaits poor decisions and nefarious choices in life.

      Dr. Billing has helped thousands of people at a crossroads in life. I hope his description is one that allows you to make an informed choice at that crossroads and not end up wrapped in crusty sheets yourself.

      • Stephenson_Billings

        Isn’t it ironic, Blanche, how the liberals are so quick to call me “gay” as an insult and then embrace the tenets of capitalism when it suits them, even though most of the time they’re pushing extreme socialism (like Sanders) and demand utter discretion for their vile private acts of sodomy? I got to laugh at the hypocrisy, but then again radical leftists have never been guided by any true faith, just a desperate need to “get off” at any time, at any place where their endless lust suits them. This is why our internet is full from end to end with hardcore pornography. They just can’t stop obsessing over sodomy!

        • Aaron McGraw

          Who says I am a liberal? I’m certainly not afraid of liberals or what kinds of sex they are having. As a matter of fact, I am more concerned about the sex I AM HAVING. These drones exalting this out of touch fraudster should be concerned about having some sex themselves. Nothing worse than a bunch of hateful, intolerant judgmental faux-Christian zealots (ones who believe in queer blue spacemen, no less) bashing what adult Americans do in the privacy of their own bedrooms or the relative privacy of a Buick’s back seat, or in a cardboard box behind a raspberry bush. Why don’t you folks get hobbies or something to pass your time instead of worrying if Buck, the weirdo next door is getting fisted by midgets or molesting his free range poultry? Here’s a suggestion: stop by the local abortion clinic and see if you can buy a gross of fetus livers? Or maybe drop in on the regional FBI office and tell them how President Obama has been telepathically visiting you at night and filling your thoughts with interracial mannequin sex. I’ll visit you on the weekends in the behavioral health annex.

          • Blanche Beecham

            It always seems to break down to bestiality and midgets when confronted with the mess these liberals have made of our society. I just saw an advertisement for anus shaped candy! I’m sure there’s a market for such things, but do I have to see this in my home? On my computer? Why can’t you free-loving, finger probing pinko liberals get an island of your own and go sit in some of your own syrup?

            I don’t know it is ironic, Stephenson, but it sure is predictable that these happy liberals will be droppig the f-bomb and fighting for the right to be disgusting.

          • Aaron McGraw

            This assuming I’m a liberal is disconcerting. And let me tell YOU, Blanche, plenty of folks…Catholic and Protestant…Liberal and Conservative…gay and straight enjoy the affections of the vertically challenged. Now, I see that Antonin Scalia has died, and I want to do this right. I need to hit the party store, the liquor store, the beer distributor, and the marital aid retailer before they close. An event so wonderful as this cannot be allowed to pass without serious merry-making. If you’d like to attend, see if there are any folks in your neighborhood who would lease out a Shetland pony (I’m embarrassed to say I am coming up short for our “petting zoo”) and possibly some water-soluble lubricant in a 3, 4, or 5 gallon pail (and don’t worry, I’ll reimburse you, I do alright between my retirement from the commonwealth and my military retirement…plus this place is rent-controlled). Some French Ticklers and Groucho Marx nose-glasses thingies would be great, too. I’m asking everyone else to bring their own Malathion or Lindane-based shampoo, after what happened last time (the gorgeous throw-rug I got in Peshawar somehow contracted a tenacious crab louse infestation). If you pick up those few things, I probably have enough to take care of you (you still go full-on Brazillian, right?). Thanks, I look forward to seeing you here. Things will really be getting underway around 8:30 (that’s when the magician gets here and the ful medemes pitas from Crazy Hassan’s Egyptian Soulfood are supposed to arrive). Dead Level goes on at 10:00 with a special guest coming all the way from North Tonawanda. You’re gonna have a blast. I mean…we all are…Hell, Scalia only dies once, right?

          • Blanche Beecham

            I’m not interested in what comes out of your drug hole! And I miss my friend Vera for some strange reason…. Please stop harassing me!

          • Mark Medelbo

            Then stop posting complete bullshit.

          • Stephenson_Billings

            I miss Vera, too!!!!

          • leemd46

            You make yourself a target, Blanche.

          • Andy Priest


          • Patrick

            Are you allowed to vote or do you have to pass a MRI before chosing your candidate?

          • Aaron McGraw

            My drug hole? Are you referring to my caphergot migraine suppositories? Ever since that grenade in Baghdad, I have needed that sort of thing. However, the bash I mentioned previously went down great. I’ll give you a heads up on the next one. Granted, Doug from the DMV did show up heavily under the influence of Molly and savagely raped my Laz-E-Boy. We really missed you, Blanche! I’m thinking this Saturday. I am having over some army buddies and put the invitation out to and of those homosexual blue extraterrestrials you believe in. I bet they’d be a hoot.

          • Abba Scodilli


          • Abba Scodilli

            Poor Dahling. LOL! Don’t like the taste of yer own medecine eh? That brimstone don’t go down very good. Maybe a Gravol and a Tums or two will help.

          • leemd46


          • Aaron McGraw

            In addition to the below, I was wondering if you have a connection for Molly….am I asking to much? My guy is still in the convalescent home after that unfortunate incident with his wedding tackle and the paper towel dispenser in the lady’s room at Wendy’s. Just try, okay? If it’s too much bother, we can always get a pile of mephedrone the size of that coke-mound at the end of Scarface. Nobody will know any different if they do enough. Thanks again, Blanche. I owe you some serious noshing of the beav. Toodles, Sweetness!!!

          • Tom Brown

            I really like Molly (is there a difference between Molly and E by the way? I am never too sure). It did keep me up all night which was sort of a bummer, but on the other hand I was able to have sex for a full six hours. The viagra kept me hard for all that time, though it did give me a nosebleed for 10 minutes – apparently I get a nose erection before I get a dick erection. Sort of a downer. Maybe I can insert my nose erection into one of the orifices of the blue aliens when I finally get to meet one.

          • Graham Spence

            My goodness! Blanche, did you used to write for David Letterman? Seriously, your writing is brilliant. I haven’t been this entertained since the day the pigs ate my adopted sister Beulah.

          • FeRD

            That reminds me, Graham: How did dear old Vera taste? I hope she wasn’t too stringy.

          • Graham Spence

            We used her in some pot brownie mix, baked 12 dozen, and gave them to the Christian bake sale down the block. Now,,it’s a shame those same Christians don’t know that they can use a magical tool called Google, and it will tell you this site is a satire.

          • FeRD

            That sounds positively scrumptious! I hope you brought them over gift-wrapped?

            Lovely. Just needs a sprig of holly…

          • Tom Brown

            Do you mean that some of the people who post on this site are actually for real? If they are they are giving a bad name to the regular run-of-the-mill conspiracy theorists.

          • Mars305

            What kind of people do you nut cases hang with? The people I know don’t go around talking about their private intimacies . Do you search these things out, because you actually enjoy reading about the stuff. I think you go looking for the stuff because you actually secretly want to be part of it .

          • FeRD

            It’s truly gotten out of hand, my good woman. Did you know that now, there’s an anus-shaped breakfast cereal, too? Worse, they have the nerve to market the vile concotion as “cheery”! Why, the very idea!

            It’s one thing to much on a bunch of puckered sphincters before the sun’s even made it past the treeline, but it’s quite another to be CHEERY about it. Morning people are the devil’s minions sent here to test my faith, mark my words.

          • Tom Brown

            There was an anus-shaped fruit made thousands of years ago. I think God himself made it. It’s called a peach. I’m thinking it must have been the gay God who made that. I mean, if there’s a Catholic God, a Jewish God, a Muslim God, a Protestant God, a few thousand Hindu Gods, not to name the dozens of Greek and Roman Gods, it stand to reason that there must be a gay God right? I think he probably looks like Zeus, but with sparkles – big muscular abs and pecks, and a male member the length of a house. He probably hangs out with all those multi-orificed blue aliens.

          • Tom Brown

            I much prefer the penis-shaped candy myself. There’s nothing like sucking on a big penis-shaped lollipop in the middle of a Starbucks.

          • leemd46

            surely the doc is a spoofer of the highest order. No one could be so ignorant and still have a PhD…if he does. Or perhaps he is mentally impaired. Poor, poor Dr of Delusional Thinking.

          • Mars305

            Your a nut case

        • leemd46

          Why Dr. Billings, I didn’t know our internet was full of hardcore porno (is there soft-core?) you are very educational. Spend much time in the depths of that as well as the homosexual bathhouse? Goodness you are a wealth of carnal knowledge…for a Christian.

        • nickdavid

          Yaaaaaasssu love in da bum good 4 u matet

        • Mars305

          I don’t care if your gay or not. It’s not my place to judge, that is left up to God. If you really were a Christian, you would know this and stop spreading hate.

        • Tom Brown

          Which dank misty bathhouses have you been to? I really like Steamworks in Toronto myself, and the Chariots chain in London. Though to be perfectly honest I am more a fan of the misty bathhouses than I am of the dank bathhouses. Dank bathhouses are sort of a turn off for me.

        • S.R Lee

          Lmfao…boy you and air headed Blanche wouldn’t know what ‘Socialism’ is even if it was a dildo being shoved in your sphincters. It’s people like you who still believe that the Nazis were leftist socialists because you know squat about history and political philosophy. Lol. You two have won the this week’s dunce award. Your prize is in the mail. Lol and smfh.

      • Aaron McGraw

        I could have gotten a doctorate from a diploma mill, like Mr. Billings, but I opted for a liberal arts education. You know, something I could use, has value, and comes from an institution accredited outside Tobago. I’d hire a DeVry dropout before I trusted Mr. Billings with the keys to my smut locker.

        Blanche, you need to stop idolizing this charlatan and find yourself somebody approaching a real man. A hobo or smelly drunk from a local gin joint would offer much improvement and no doubt more coherent conversation. Trust me, getting something with s pulse between your flabby thighs will really improve your outlook and perception of reality.

      • Aaron McGraw

        I imagine he enjoys his work in those bath houses immensely.

        • Blanche Beecham

          Don’t you talk ugly about the Doctor! Stephenson is brave and sef-less (he’s from Tennessee) when it comes to caressing the languid underbelly of radical liberalism after a reckless tussle with these oiled up homosexual apex predators. Who but a man of faith could do such a thing?

          • leemd46

            a man of delusional thinking?

          • John B

            You are absolutely brilliant.

          • Tom Brown

            He really needs to spend more time at the gym before I will let him caress my languid underbelly.

            Does he wrestle with the oiled-up homosexual apex predators in the bathhouses? How much does he charge for admission to watch such shows?

        • leemd46

          Yes, that is my take on it…as 69 year old grandmother, married for 50 years to the same man, he told me things in that post I had never heard before and so I concluded that he is a self-loathing or delusional man who has not come to terms with his own orientation.

      • Eric Kamm

        “radical homosexualism” ? We’re hardly radical about it, Blanche. And we homos don’t use alleys anymore, far too untidy for us. If you or Mr. Billings want to know about bathhouses and what happens therein, just ask, we’ll be happy to tell you, in as much or as little detail as you care, and please know, they are not all the same, some are nicer than others, some specialize more than others.
        Oh, and we don’t ever wrap ourselves in crusty sheets. That’s just tacky. First of all we spent good money on picking out the right look to match the room, on our 1,000 thread count sheets. We are after all, the people that determine taste, fashion (trendy) and style (always good) that you’ll be wearing next year as our hand-me-downs – when we’ve moved on to new things. It’s so easy to co-opt heteros into these things.
        Ta for now. It’s such a gorgeous day, I’m going to work in the garden.

        • Blanche Beecham

          Meh. Condescension is for hissy cat fights. I am straight. We don’t do that.

      • leemd46

        so tell us, Dear Blanche, about your own crossroads choice. What was it like to have to choose between your own lesbian desires and the straight and narrow? I personally never had to choose, I simply am my orientation.

      • I would love to sit next to you in church.

    • Kaylee-Aurora

      Someone woke up on the pissy side of his futon this morning! (And yes, I mean that both ways.)

      • Aaron McGraw

        I’ m not advocating a gay agenda. I’m just pointing out that Mr. Billings seems to have intimate knowledge of the ins and outs (he he…kinda a pun) of passionate, sweaty guy on guy or guy on alien intercourse ( quite possibly guy on boy buggery…I am getting that vibe, too). Nothing like projecting one’s own deviance on somebody else ( even those from the planet Tralfalmadore). And Kaylee, since you are concerned about the fluid absorption of my mattress ( it’s actually a Serta), you are welcome to drop by and add your own unique fluids to those of mine that may have found their way into the fabric. If you have difficulty getting those fluids flowing, Kaylee, I would be happy to help in that department. I’m assuming since you brought up urine, I can expect some wild pee on you and you pee on me fun. I’ll clear my schedule. I’m gonna dig whizzing all over an undersexed conservative like yourself. Please trim that scary retro-80’s bush before you stop by. Your closeted pal who fancies himself an author can come, too, if he wants to watch. If I catch him looking at me and touching himself while you sample the full array of my bodily fluids, he is out on his big, pasty, alien-molesting ass.

        • Abba Scodilli

          Yer on fire! Get em!!!

    • Darth Zombie

      Your jealousy is so transparent.

  • Kaylee-Aurora

    Isn’t it interesting how the radical elements in this country really can’t leave good enough alone? They are always trying to nitpick Christians and undermine anything good about our culture. I just wish they would stop attacking normal marriage because it’s because tough for regular people to even find love because everyone acts like having strong faith is a crime and I have every right to tell those people what I think? Well, that’s Obama for you!

    • Stephenson_Billings

      The gay agenda never sleeps, Kaylee. Don’t ever forget that.

      • Blanche Beecham

        Amazing investigative journalism, Dr. Billings. I can’t thank you enough for bringing these dangers out in the daylight, even if it scares the tinkle out of me sometimes.

      • Aaron McGraw

        I’m a relatively educated heterosexual white veteran, who was born into a Catholic family in the normal way. My father was a policeman and my mother a librarian and former FBI employee. Am I espousing a homosexual agenda? No. I can actually agree that IF an alien lifeform came to our planet, there are those who would seek to have sex with it. I would be honored to represent my species in this endeavor, provided such sexual contact was consentual, heterosexual in nature, and the extraterrestrial did not have more than seven breasts. So, if you can provide concrete proof that such aliens have contacted us, and can arrange a date, I will be happy to serve mankind in this history making endeavor. For posterity’s sake, I would even allow Mister Billings to record this joining, provided I get a percentage of the profits and an option on any sequels.

        • Stephenson_Billings

          Well thank you for the apology my friend and maybe I have opened your mind a bit today to the men like Donald Trump who truly in their hearts want to make this country great again. I know Republicans get a bad rap in the liberal media but all’s we really want to is return things to a better time, like the 1950s when we could be proud of the US of A.

          • Abba Scodilli

            He didn’t apologize to you Master B. He offered you to come film his porno. Now who’s the deviant?

      • Graham Spence

        I’m pretty sure all agendas have the ability to stay up and party for days and days, perhaps even weeks.

    • Aaron McGraw

      Hey, I am talking about normal heterosexual relations, Kaylee. If you’re good, I may even give you an Alabama Hot Pocket.

  • David Strong

    Wow! This is the most hilarious post I’ve ever read. Please, someone tell me this was satirical in nature! No sane person with an IQ higher than 90 could believe any of this. I have never laughed so hard in my life!

  • Matt Boner

    This is one of the best parody site I have *ever* seen! I usually roll my eyes at most of The Onion articles, but this has me ROFLMFAO! Kudos!

  • Poh-Neh-Boi

    If anyone is interested in joining our brigade, we will be hosting eating out contests throughout various locations where “intense” sightings have occurred throughout the U.S. Such as Roswell, NM, Gnome, AK, Brown Mt., NC, and of course Los Angeles, CA. We will of course have “snacks” for both contestants and “curious” onlookers, such as light salads, various pâtés’, cheese trays accompanied with choice wines and gourmet desserts. All vegan of course.

    • Kaylee-Aurora

      I think some body should call 911 on you type of people.

      • Blanche Beecham

        They are probably CIA operatives trying to discredit the Doctor. Hasn’t worked in the past and won’t work now.

        • Abba Scodilli

          The good Doctor need no help to discredit him. Hes doing fine on his own…

      • Abba Scodilli

        I think someone should call the fashion police on you…

  • Ouizer DeBuois

    After reading these comments, goddamn!! there are some stupid people out there!!

  • Elaygee

    The author and Beacham are clearly off their meds.
    Go to the mental health clinic nearest you and tell them what you believe.
    They’ll Baker Act you and start your meds up again.

  • Mark Anthony

    “All’s we really want to is return things to a better time, like the 1950s when we could be proud of the US of A.”

    Please tell me what was so great about the 50’s Mr.Billings? Was it the Jim Crow laws in the south? Or the complete lack of civil rights for women and minorities? Oh yeah the Korean War and the Red Fear brought on by Joseph McCartney, Polio was rampant, no highways, shitty gas mileage, no private phone lines, no Air Conditioners either. Most women had no careers and had allowances from their husbands, in some places marrying outside your race was against the law, besides that sexual expression was frowned upon. Also domestic violence wasn’t prosecutable until the 70’s, and sexism was the norm. I guess it was great because life was simple, a simple time for simple minded people.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      We did have the greatest American-made automobiles!

      • Abba Scodilli

        ***no highways, shitty gas mileage***

        Looks like yer not reading entire posts again…

    • Constantine IV

      Your description of the 1950s got me totally hot. Except for the part about air conditioning. What gave you the idea that there was no air conditioning in the 1950s?

      • Mark Anthony

        Most homes during the 50s didn’t have air conditioning, it wasn’t a common commodity like it is today. AC was considered a luxury to the average homeowner but by the late 1960s most new homes had central air conditioning. Window air conditioners also became more affordable, which pushed population growth in hot-weather states .

  • ticoboy

    HA! I never laughed so hard in my life! But then again, there are people out there that will follow this as reality. Scary, huh?

  • Ronnie

    That moment when you see something so astonishingly idiotic that you can’t tell if it’s satyrical genius or an advertisement for tin foil head gear…

    Drugs are bad, m’kay?

  • Anthony Griffin

    Newcomers are requesting mass quantities of lard lol!

  • Danni

    Are you guys psychotic?

  • Barry A. Rodgers

    This isn’t real is it. You guys don’t really believe any of this wacko shit do you ??

    • Blanche Beecham

      You might be under the influence of MK Ultra. Good luck excising those demons, my friend.

      • Abba Scodilli

        Why would you say that? Because someone doesn’t agree with your views?

  • John Doe

    Not sure what to make of this yet, so……..
    I’ll just chuckle a little and smile uncomfortably

  • pdquick

    I KNEW it! Oprah is an extraterrestrial!

  • Brent Slensker

    Hilarious stuff! Glad I found it.

  • Brian Welch

    Aren’t you all exhausted with your paranoid caterwauling? This article is proof that idiots, in fact, can type.

    • Kaylee-Aurora

      Yup, another fellow traveler from the far left throwing prejudice at real journalism. Nice try comrade.

  • Yet_Another_Steve

    This HAS to be a satire site, right? I mean, lots of people are crazy, but this crazy AND this silly? Unlikely to occur in the same people.

  • Jurgen

    I was anal probed by a homosexual alien once. Happened at Comic Con. True story.

    • Blanche Beecham

      Jurgen, your story is sad and tragic, but not uncommon. People are being probed everywhere, behind the Piggly Wiggly, in dilapidated rest areas on our highways, even in derelict cars left in strip mall parking lots! Comical Con would have an added attraction as an Illuminati powerhouse or sacrificial altar. Were you by chance wearing a horse head mask while being probed?

      • Jaden Stock

        I fucking love you so much.

  • Mrs. Barbara J.

    Christians have been warning the rest of America about this for years but the idiots in the media simply refused to listen. The gays really want to rule the world and they pose a risk to anyone willing to stand in their way. You can’t turn on a television anymore without seeing the lifestyle advertised everywhere. It’s the most successful marketing campaign in history. Many of the soap operas I used to love have been ruined by gay plots. But I guess no one cares what a concerned mother from the heart of the country even thinks anymore as long as the super elites are throwing money at designer fashions and fancy cars and big city apartments and whatnot.

    • leemd46

      As a straight grandmother, I am more concerned with the hateful message you are giving your children about people who are born with a sexual orientation that is different from yours. Telling them that they can not be Christian and live their lives open and honestly as a homosexual is definitely Un-Christian. Shame on you.

      • Blanche Beecham

        What kind of Grandmother is more concerned with someone else’s message than their very own grandchildren? A FAKE GRANDMOTHER that is whom. You are so obviously “turnt up” on the sweet liquors from your spit and venom, just like a liberal piss-baby with no backbone. Is this how you plan to take over the world?

        • leemd46

          Goodness, I don’t even understand the meaning of your words, like “turnt up” but you seem fairly filled with venom yourself. What is a piss-baby? How I plan to take over the world? What on earth are you talking about? Never mind. You are so full of self-loathing there is no where to put it except outside yourself and I simply provided you with a temporary target. It doesn’t matter. God loves you in spite of your ill will for all his children.

        • Abba Scodilli

          For shame Blanche, leave the woman alone! She just has a viewpoint different from yours. That is allowed under the US constitution. You are not to force our beliefs on others! Mind your own business! Spout your evangelical religious twaddle to people who share your madness!

  • kleeh

    Stephenson Billings definitely knows more about the homosexual world than any non-homosexual knows…at least he certainly has provided this reader with information that she had never heard before. Thus, she thinks that he is a homophobe who is fighting his own sexual preference and thinks that if he says the nastiest of things in the name of “Christianity” he will buy himself a free pass to heaven. Poor guy. Just accept yourself, live your life honestly and ethically within your own homosexual identity and know that Jesus will always love you no matter what. Man made God in his own image: judgmental, hateful, vindictive.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      I’m sorry but I’m 200% heterosexual, friend.

      • Marty Susman

        Are you in mentl helth hospital, if not, plese check in fat

      • Abba Scodilli

        Lies! You said your were 500% hetro just up the page. Did something happen to change that percentage? An anal probing by sodomites I’ll bet!!!! Guess it happened 3 times…

  • Mark Rees

    Please, please tell me this is a parody site, intended to make people laugh! If it isn’t then there are posters on here in need some serious help from mental health professionals!

  • Anatoly Zackov

    It has all been laid out in the pages of the Bible. Katelyn Jenner, and his socialist army of sodomite are the tip of a demonic illuminati iceberg.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      “They worshiped the dragon because he had given ruling authority to the beast, and they worshiped the beast too, saying: “Who is like the beast?” and “Who is able to make war against him?” Revelation 13:4

      • Anatoly Zackov

        Thank you for your continued efforts to pull apart these dark plots and expose their putrid core. I’m quite sure that you can ram home your point in away that will excite those righteous souls who sit in judgment of these foul acts. You are truly a soldier, fighting the Lord’s fight.

        • Blanche Beecham

          I don’t usually reply to men, especially with so many vowels in their name, mostly because it makes a lady look cheap and easy – but I will make an exception with you because frankly is it rare to find a man that is right in his head and his heart.

  • Ken

    Too funny. Is this from the Onion? Would make a great porno. Are you working on that?

  • Jaden Stock

    This is either the biggest comment section of trolls I have ever seen or it’s a comment section of loony people. Either way this is fucking hilarious.

  • nickdavid

    Jesus took it up da bum

  • Pastor Gasajew

    While this is sinful, isn’t it comforting that alien civilizations are degenerating as fast as our own? When the modern technological society which allows this deviance inevitably implodes, the queers will be taken of.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      Now that’s an interesting point! No creature before God is without sin, my friend.

  • Freqgirl Karu

    You guys should just send this one to the Onion because your satirical articles have me in stitches. Seriously, stop it! You guys are going to make me pee my pants with laughter. Best comic material since Bill Cosby got arrested! I’m loving your stuff! So, so funny! I just can’t stop laughing!!!

  • Al Morales

    After reading this, the overall impression I walk away with is that the author is projecting his fantasies on his readers under the guise of “informing” them while hiding behind the the veil of his supposed belief in Jesus Christ. Beware, Bill, the Christ I know does not take kindly to using him in the sensationalist manner you have chosen to do so. If you feel the need to manifest your desires so badly, do so, but do not hide behind Christ to do so just so you do not have to deal with your guilt in having such desires. Sooner or later he WILL hold you accountable for it. Shame on you and Shame on your followers for being so gullible and not having discernment through the Holy Spirit to be able to see what you are doing and what a fake you are!

  • The Realist

    Anyone who believes anything on this website should go commit suicide and be with your imaginary god.

  • John O’Doherty

    Ahahahaha thanks I needed a good laugh. Oh man you have a talent for fantasy gay porn lit there, what with the blue orifices and all.

  • michael b martin

    Please tell me this is unlabeled satire. If it isn’t it’s the most absurd pile of words ever put on a page.

  • simonlebon

    This article is as Gay as the Real Fake Friends chat site !!

    • Hawkmoon

      Yes Indeed!!!

  • Joseph Myers

    what type of moronic nonsense is this dumbass shit???? are you for real?? Can we say “delusional asshat?”

  • John Cunliffe

    With all the spelling errors in this article I wonder if the good Dr. is nothing but a pimple faced 5 year old feeding snake oil to the masses…I mean, come on…get real.

  • Darth Zombie

    So what about poor ET? I doubt he got much while he was here. #denied

  • don

    And that…ladies and gentlemen is why we will never progress as a race…the caveman intellect will always raise its ugly head!

  • Gaël Callewaert

    What a wonderfull world you have… On drugs. Mind your own ass and get a therapist!

  • Steve Gresham

    This is all satire isn’t it? The author, Dr Stephenson Billings, an award winning investigative journalist? Motivational Children’s Party Entertainer? Antique bottle collector? Why that describes me too! What a coincidence! And Blanche Beecham with her Bisexual Androgynos Extraterrestrials, that’s terrific!

  • Aidan Howard

    I am glad that no rational, intelligent person would take this post seriously. The sad thing is that some loonies will. You really ought to have given at least one line in the article that this was satire.

  • Adam

    Wow dude, that’s fucking scary how you can be so out of your mind. Stephenson Billings! Go get yourself some help before you end up going on some insane shooting rampage like so many brain dead fools like you end up doing. You Conspiracy nuts and fundamentalist freaks are so typical, always manipulating weak innocent people who are broken and want so bad to believe in Something! What goes around comes around ha ha ha lol! I could care less how the ‘elites’ choose to Deal with you! Lol Whatever fate is in store for you vermin that stand in the way of progress, just know that you brought it upon yourselves… That’s what you get for running your damn mouth about thing you think you understand! Lol

  • Tom Brown

    Hello, may someone please let me know which bar these multi-orificed sexy blue aliens hang out at? As a gay male I would really like to meet one.

    Secondly, may someone please explain to me the relationship between fisting and stem-cells. I am a bit confused by that one. Are we supposed to take the stem cells out with the fisting?

    I think the secret gay agenda head office must have lost my address. I don’t seem to ever get invited to any of these alien-human gay orgy parties. Since all of you seem to be so much more familiar with the secret gay agenda than I am, would you mind kindly reminding them to put me back on their mailing list?

    Just to let you all know, same-sex sin does not need to be devastatingly painful anymore. We invited this wonderful product called lube. You can buy it on Amazon.

    I am really feeling personally offended here. Why has no Apex Super-Homosexual never invited me to his private Caribbean Island to play with his Brazilian go-go boys? I am a very big fan of Brazilian go-go boys.

  • GizmoJones

    Also, Obama killed Scalia. And Elvis is alive and living in Boise.

  • DAve

    Um so what about that dude in the banner at the top of the page? They’ve infiltrated this site now!!!

  • Headster

    You guys are nutz! Quit worrying about other people and fix yourselves instead. “Homosexual Agenda” – LOL!!!!!

  • Alex Carling

    So it doesn’t mean Before Anyone Else?, which is what kids all think it means, in reference to sweethearts, etc.? The vocabulary of most American teenages does dont extend to Androgynous, or Extraterrstrial, so it hardly likely that they would incorporate it into their street parlance, don’t you think? (of course you don’t)

  • musikfanat22


  • H0RSELIPS1 .

    I can’t figure it out; y’all aren’t serious are you? I mean, this is such blatant b.s.

  • Blanche Beecham

    I think what is so intriguing about the mind control recruitment cycle we are seeing is the recognition that there are Super Elite Homosexuals, just as prophesied by Illuminati Watchdogs analysis of Super Bowl 50. We can turn a blind eye to the reality of MK Ultra being used to create alternate personalities like Caitlin Jenner and Sasha Fierce or Wendy Williams and Jessica Alba, but we are most certainly under some serious mind control that is powerful enough to draw in extraterrestrials. That isn’t something we can simply put aside.

    For those that laugh and mock – beware! Beware! BEWARE! Your laughter is part of the programming. You’ve been tricked and treated into believing what you see is all there is and you are center of this universe. It is the goal of the Illuminati to allow you this belief so you will keep the truth from being seen. It is brainwashing people! Don’t be trapped! Start prepping now.

    • Derby Mack

      What the heck is a “Sasha Fierce”?

  • Ken Grubb

    Giving The DailyCurrant a run for it’s money. Well done.

  • Frank

    Are you serious? Get a life and stop worrying about other people’s lives.

  • Lee Anne

    Oh you poor mortals. Forget the aliens and illuminati.They pale in comparison to the real power. We have hidden in the shadows for years but are now flexing our wings and taking flight. Beware the power of the T.

  • Daniel

    ETs love gay sex. They’re very lecherous about that.

  • Even atheists that love science so much should realize that homosexuality is biologically ass-backwards and unhealthy. Due to heavy doses of Illuminati social engineering and propaganda, people now view what is wrong as perfectly fine, *normal* even. Yikes.

    The Anti-Queer Post

  • jiff363


  • Timmy


  • pat

    I’m strongly considering a gun to my head knowing that something in my brain led me to this site full of anti common sense gay aliens that’s a real concern of someone wow utterly incredible what’s next I can only imagine someday soon all u backward thinking old timers will be dead and a change will happen and I’ll live in a world of normal logical people not gay bashers and morons who think being gay means u wanna have sex with everything or change everyone to gay I have 3 kids age 7 and 3 year old twins I’m 30 years old and smart enough to see the insane world for what it is if there is a god I sleep well knowing he knows your all clowns and u will be the ones in hell not a happy normal gay couple raising a normal child or having a normal wedding paid for by there normal job attended by there normal friends and family. good luck when your judgement day arrives

    • Anatoly Zackov

      Pat, God is a loving father, and like if or not all loving fathers, sometimes have to punish their children. God’s love is pure, and if you don’t accept it, and obey every word, you will be tortured and burned for eternity. It is the greatest act of love ever known. Homosexuals, choose not to obey so it is logical that they should be tortured and burned, you guessed it, out of love.

  • pat

    Your also a pedophile for sure just look at the journalist bio

  • Vicky

    This site is a joke right? The naked guy with a gun on the banner looks about as gay as they come! And the comments? It’s like they are straight out of Nut House monthly!

  • Guest

    😂😂😂 you guys must be on some pretty powerful meds!!

  • Kathleen Stoughton-Trahan

    Before Anyone Else…I hope they get here soon and do away with all the bible thumping idiots that are ruining our world. Religion is a plague upon the land.

    • Derby Mack

      I’ll pray for your stupidity.

  • Mike Talley

    I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I’ve been getting alien abducted and probed for YEARS! It’s no big deal. Aliens just want to have fun.

    • Joe Joseph

      Baby cakes, I want to party with you.

      • Mike Talley

        Anytime you’re in SF, look me up and let the probing begin.

  • Donald A Henney Jr

    Wow. With friends like you guys, who needs enemies. Ya’ll go easy on the absynth…and fix your foil hats…

  • Anatoly Zackov

    It sounds very apparent that many here do not understand the depths of the queer alien agenda. You are in for a hard painful suprise. In the 1980’s communist illuminati agents brainwashed Afghan soldiers to become queer. To this day, these flaming sissies are not able to fight one battle without U.S. help. In the 1960’s the jesuits used their dark arts to penetrate the once conservative, and always celibate, Catholic Church, now a den of luciferian man lust. Today they covet the U.S. military. Imagine this sickening scenario, brave marines pinned down by enemy fire, being attacked and overpowered from behind by a lusty sodomite staff sargent, clad in pink taffeta. If this happens to aliens, we risk a intergalactic blackhole of homosexuality and Satan’s forces win.

    • John

      How do you know?

    • Derby Mack

      I never did trust the Jesuits. They really are conspiring to destroy our Constitution and return America to Prince Charles and his ugly boys.

  • Tomasina Serveaux

    What is this, a ripoff of the Weekly World News? I miss that paper. It was way better than this crap.

  • Hotter than your girlfriend

    Hot sweaty men, hot sweaty aliens, spinning lights, Lady Gaga! We are going to hell! Sign me up!

  • Douglas Palmer

    a fag is afag is a fag, you hae to be sick in the head to do male on male, sorry i donlt beliee in it or support it .KEEP YOUR SEXUAL/SICKNESS IN THE CLOSEST

  • liquidassets

    Hilarious if meant as satire. Otherwise, my apologies and sorry about your anxieties but you need help; this sounds like the rambling rants of my patients with Schizophrenia. I hope you get the help you need.

  • Craig Holmlund

    I sure am glad that the author of this article is a Children’s Party Entertainer (clown?) and an Antique Soda Bottle Collector, or else I would have doubted his credibility.

  • Bentley

    Are the people on this site and the author for real? Or is this like the onion? Just trying to figure out if there really are people out there that are this crazy.

  • Tyler

    I’m gay and ib find this article hysterical. I couldn’t out it down. I also love “good imagination” a much as the next fisting alien. Hahahah
    I remember what it was to be in the closet. I Fassbender coming out and how life had to adjust. Iv do have to say that who wrote this article is the biggest closet case I’ve ever seen. Takes one to know one. 🙂 I love that the poor sirens were thrown into this mix now. I wonder if those blue guys now have big penises. Lol. Oh well. 🙂

    • Stephenson_Billings

      Sorry but I’m 500% heterosexual and married, friend.

      • Abba Scodilli

        Married to a Super Elite Homo maybe. We need pictures of the woman or we wont believe you Master B. Or should I say Master Bait lol!

  • Joe Joseph

    Well at least I will have something to worth douching for.

  • wiredream

    I swear when I saw this posted on my FB page with friends sharing, exclaiming – “This is hilarious!” “A MUST READ!!!” – I thought it was the funniest thing I ever read. What made it even more monumentally hilarious than anything else is that this site IS FOR REAL!!!! SERIOUSLY, FOR REAL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  • Bob

    How did you guys find out. Holy shit. I thought that was a secret between me and the Aliendr app.

  • Harry Bunzz

    Super Elite Homosexuals!? Twist my nipples and call me a waiter! Where do I sign in?

    • Derby Mack

      They will come for you, friend. Don’t you doubt it for a second.

      • Harry Bunzz

        I sure hope so! I already got a stash of lube and condoms and got all dildos lined up on my night stand! Come to papa, you naughty super elite homosexuals! Come to papa!

  • JC Grand

    This is a satire site right?

  • Hoshi Snivy

    I couldn’t even read the whole thing because this was so ridiculous and had so many facts wrong. You people will believe anything.

    Everyone knows that the extraterrestrials in question have always been cool with gays among their own species and have lived in a far more peaceful era before meeting humans, because their homosexual pairs (and the rare heterosexual pairs with infertile egg-bearers) would raise orphaned hatchlings when the other pairs were too busy raising their own and nobody in their species ever questioned it. When they arrived on Earth, they actually encouraged human gays to be like them. That’s why there are so many lesbian couples looking to adopt the orphaned children that nobody else wants (which is very noble, I must admit) (the kids usually turn out straight, in case you were wondering).

    The extraterrestrials you should really be worried about are the sparkling ones that take on female form and mate with heterosexual human males to create super-hybrids that are immune to their home planet’s technology. The hybrids they create take twice as long to grow up as human kids do and can recover from a wound that would be 100% fatal to a normal human. These ladies are breeding the hybrid children for warfare, it’s a very good reason to be concerned. I met one of those hybrid kids once, his name’s Steven and he just turned 14 but looks 8.

  • John

    I bring further warnings. It is not just our beloved human race that are becoming gay now. It is also animals. Have you ever heard something being compared to “rabbits in spring”? Well, have you ever wondered about the gender of the rabbits? The expression refers to two males. Deep down in their burrows, these fuzzy bunnies are tying it each other to the packed mud of the walls. They are biting down kinkily onto the bodies of their fellow rabbits with their long teeth. The are doing unspeakable things with carrots. DON’T TRUST A RABBIT IN SPRING. I’m warning you. Don’t do it. You will regret the consequences. If you let down your defences for even a second, you’ll wake up one morning, restrained on your bed by the weight of a hundred bunnies and they will have their way with you. There will be no escape.

    • Derby Mack

      God intended rabbits for weekday suppers.

  • Blanche Beecham

    I just recently discovered the word “clacker” is used as Australian slang for anus. Like many Americans that watched “Mars Attacks” I am chilled to the very core with the Alien agenda when it comes to an invasion. As one may recall, those aliens were constantly saying “Ak-ak akakk kakka akkak” which is most likely translated as “take me to your anus! There is no coincidence here!

    • leemd46

      Have you ever thought of getting professional help for you paranoia? Of perhaps just being honest about your own deeply hidden orientation would free you. Only those living a lie can harbor such sick thoughts as you express on this thread. I am not saying this to be mean, but offer it as a possible solution to your obvious sickness.

      • Blanche Beecham

        Hi LeeMD46,
        Keep in mind while posting that I, and many of the “regulars” here, are very well versed in the ways of the Illuminati interwebs operatives like yourself, who will express “concern” about the mental health and hygiene of others in an attempt to distract the truth from being revealed. The truth is not a “sick thought” nor is it something that is “obvious” that needs to be denigrated with your false concern. The only “deeply hidden orientation” is that of Luciferian lie that you are hiding.

        I know you feel threatened by the truth and the true light that shines from Dr. Billings and Prof. Mack and Kaylee. You cannot dim the switch on these brave souls. We will keep you in our prayers, LeeMD46b in the hope that you someday reject the Illuminati lifestyle and radical sexual fornication to embrace truth and non alien living by giving up listening to Illuminati Ultra slaves like Beyonce and others.

  • Jara Matthews

    its rampant in the black community too. I used to think they called their women hoes like a play on whores. Turns out it is short for Human Orgasming Ethereally or Extraterrestrially.

    The gays already conquered the universe. Its too late for us. I finally gave in and allowed a sodomite to orally initiate me into the ways of the new world order. The pleasure may be better than heterosexual sex, but it is no substitution for the soul in gods glory.
    But its too late for us anyway

  • Bob

    Damn it you found us. But I am only half the the elite for i am one of there kids and they have many. What will we do next😧😧😧😧😧😧😧😭😭😭😭😭😭

  • canuckgirl

    I have been awaiting my special copy of the Gay Agenda for years and now I have to wait for my special membership status for this group too. Damn.

  • Pooka

    Ok, people. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. AS DO I.. and here’s mine.
    You should all be ashamed of yourselves for passing judgement on others. “JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED, SO SAYETH THE LORD.”
    Simple, yet effective.
    (I do expect responses from this posting, but don’t waste your time. I won’t read nor acknowledge them.)
    Have a fantastic day, and may you lead interesting lives.

  • Justin Sorensen

    Wow! You guys are complete nutjobs. I l try to maintain a healthy skepticism, but that is far from “BAEs” and extraterrestrial gay agendas.

    Did it ever occur to you that homosexuals just wanted to be allowed to live with and live whoever they choose, as heterosexuals have been allowed for all time.

    Why is this confused with an agenda?

    Actually, I take that back. I do have an agenda. My agenda is EQUAL rights for all humans.

  • Ronald Reagan is Dead!

    I can’t help but laugh at this craziness.

  • wohdin

    Oprah is gay? Shit, better tell Stedman, her male partner of 30 years.

  • MP3Rod

    Uh, the graphic at the top of this page has a clearly gay man sporting that newfangled electro-penis we are all raving about at the gay baths while we wonder if it is waterproof. This is clearly a Homo Site.

  • maria k

    hello all to put things in the right and true way, yes homosexuality is a sin, and i dont care for people’s opinions on this matter, i am a christian and homosexuality is wrong and a sin and it is not normal. however, i have the right to voice my opinion, but i dont have the right to judge anyone , each sinner, and were all sinners in some kind of way, each one of us will give testimony for our actions in the end. so u can hide from jesus christ as much as you want cause thats the only way to deal with yourself knowing you are doing wrong, and we all know when were doing wrong, but be sure when the time comes he will find you and u wont be able to hide then. Amen GodBless u all !

  • I see dumb people

    This is beyond the lowest level of stupid to date. I mean seriously who the hell comes up with this shit I think this is the lowest point in our existence. That’s it humanity is completely fucked and the people who fall for this nonsense are crazier than most people in any psyc ward

  • Gerald Katz

    We cum in peace. The people on your planet were destroying one of the finest planets in the universe with Greed, division, overpopulation, insatiable destructive resource extraction, pollution of air and water and poisoning and depleting the soil that all depend on for food.
    We bring safe clean job producing renewable energy from the sun, wind and geothermal. Ways to protect and provide enough fresh water for all life, grow organic crops for food, energy and materials for construction, medicines, and other purposes.
    The uncontrollable sexual urges that have overpopulated the planet, oppressed your females and caused countless conflicts can be mitigated by men and women loving each other or using modern birth control or other outlets for desires produced by testosterone poisoning.
    Your cultural norms and compulsive behaviors were effective long ago to advance humanity in more primitive times when the population was low and they were plentiful animals, forests and resources for food, fuel, shelter, and water. But now times have changed so much that mankind needs to adapt and we are here to help. We are not the danger to your survival. Humans especially the so called conservatives of every faith, philosophy and nation that fight against each other and try to stop those among their own people who hope for progress are the enemy, and following them will lead to your own destruction.
    If you cherish the old ways that is fine, variety and diversity is a blessing and vital to survival. Find an area to continue your ways but cease trying to control and limit the advance of others working to grow, be happy and survive in their own way.
    Resistance is futile cooperation is survival.

  • Atheist-homosexual-transgender

    This website is home to the biggest idiots on the planet jfc

  • Ron_Y

    Judging from some of the comment, I don’t think some of you realize this is a satirical website!

    • Abba Scodilli

      We know. But ‘When in Rome…’. Besides, its fun to bash Billings and Blanche!

      • Stephenson_Billings

        No it’s NOT!!!!

        • Abba Scodilli

          Says you! I say it IS mega-fun to trash the Holy Triad (Billings, Blanche, and Kaydee). I’m sure others agree, you make it too easy Mr. 500% hetro (?)

  • tai

    as long as really old, overweight, hairy gay trolls keep parading around in nothing but skin tight pleather, leather, and latex 5 sizes too small them and no other clothing… there is no fear of “Super Homosexuals” influencing anyone… much less alien civilizations… if anything… that mess will be why an alien civilization destroys earth and human kind!!!

  • Nice guy

    Omg! Are you people serious? Yeah, this article is by far the biggest bunch of bullshit I’ve ever heard! I actually feel sorry for you people. Let me guess, your voting for “the Donald”? Good luck with that by the way. Mrs. Hillary Clinton is going to kick his ever loving ass anyway! To bad you all won’t get the bitter, hateful America that you so desire…..😗 The good and decent people of this world will always Trump you hateful bastards! May take some time for the narrow, stubborn minded to die off. But rest assured you will. And Thank Christ, your hatred will die along with you.

    Good day…

  • Richard Harney

    Where can I score some alien dick? I guess I’m not one of the Super Elite gays.

  • JBBelgium

    Oh people when you all learn to mind your own trousers?

  • TJ

    Well it is funny. But it’s also disturbing for a number of reasons. Not the least of which; that in this day and age, some ultra conservative bible beating pseudo-christian “anti-gay agenda” abdicate still believe the homosexuals recruit others through forced anal penetration or as the writer calls it rape and forced sodomy.

    This writer eludes to the “caring and understanding Christian way”. However this essay, is a perfect example of the rigid and focused hatred toward anyone who would disagree with their beliefs; are targeted as an unholy menace of society.

    Instead of allowing others to believe as they wish. These people want us all to live according to their Christian rules; regardless of of differing beliefs. This is not unlike radical Muslims who wish to impose Sharia Law globally.

    Then we have this person espousing that we have galactic visitors living among us, to whom we, the people of “the gay agenda”. Have recruited through rape and sodomy. Hell, if this author believes that sodomy is truly that good; that once would turn you to the other side, perhaps he should try it. I’m sure it would feel a great deal more pleasurable than that stick that he carries up there now

  • Gotami

    Oh Blanche, I know exactly what you mean hon’! I saw one of them super-homo aliens when I awoke from a dream last week. I opened my eyes to find some dikey lezzy crawling up my bed in the covers. The fiendish dyke the went to town on my cooter. I’m still waiting for her to come back.

  • nyarlotep

    MMM, that’s good satire

  • David

    I suspect that the person that made this article has a mental disorder.

  • Kevin Zinck

    Holy Shit, is this satire? If it is, it’s brilliant!

  • Aaron Minner

    I cant stop laughing! This is some of the most hilarious shit I have ever heard. I mean if this is not satire, which it sounds like to me. If this is not satire and you actually believe this garbage you are undoubtedly the fool here. There is really no point in speaking here, as my words will fall on deaf ears and I will be accused of being part of some super secret cult. Don’t believe stupid shit just because your old, do your research. I am gay, I am married to a man and I am here to tell you the truth about my life. What do i want more than anything? To take over the world and become a ” Super-gay”?…. You give us far to much power in the wrong places. I want a house. I want me and my husband to be left alone. I wanna grow old with him. I wanna take him out to the shooting range and practice with our fire arms together.*Le gasp!* Gays with guns?! Yup. We support the 2nd amendment %100. we open carry when ever we go out. We go shooting with our straight friends all the time. Recruiting people? Come on, Give me a break, nobody recruited me. I am how I am and I have never hurt anybody being the way I am. Aliens, Maybe. We are just as in the dark about that as you are. Though I will admit staying up more than one work night watching creepy UFO videos.

  • OhNo,Sweetie


  • im gay

    this is actually the funniest fuckin article ive ever read oh my god i really hope you guys are joking sdjhfkjsdf

  • Matty07

    Way to hijack the end of Stephen King’s “The Stand.” You suck donkey balls for an unoriginal ending.