Is the Gay “Bear” Scene Opening the Door to Homosexual Male Pregnancy?

Posted on by Doc Bacon

bearpregnant

Deep within the offices of Big Gay, Inc. there must be a pretty talented PR team. In recent years, this rare sexual disorder has jumped out of the abandoned dockside warehouses and into the homes of mainstream America. From Hollywood celebs to activist judges, it seems that just about everybody is swishing that rainbow flag of perversity about.

One of the most curious public relations pushes in the effort to normalize radical homosexuality is the relentless promotion of the “bear” lifestyle. Bears are gay men who combine a heavyset stature with a proudly sassy nature. Among subsets of American homosexuals, the bears have a uniquely dualistic nature. They can be masculine and tough and hairy one moment, and curiously effeminate the next. During select seasons and at specific locales, they’re ferocious hunters. The rest of the year, however, they’re nesters who have perfected domestic isolation. They prize the plush, warm comforts of the cave above all else.

Homosexuals are using the liberal media, from print magazines to television stations, to promote their "furry" agenda.

Homosexuals are using the liberal media, from print magazines to television stations, to promote their “furry” agenda.

Additionally, the bears occupy a special substratum of the overweight. Their extra poundage is concentrated in the abdominal region. This gives them what is commonly referred to as a paunch. Yet their paunches are robust protuberances, rounded and jiggly. The weight of a bear’s stomach, curiously enough, does not always carry over to the rest of their bodies. Their legs can be fit, muscled and firm. Their arms will be quick and versatile. And while the buttocks area of a homosexual bear is wider than average, it tends to be shapely and vibrant. In the heterosexually obese, the gluteal muscles are flat. The entire backside of these types of straight men takes on a squarish shape, unseen amongst the gays. This odd physiology certainly begs the question, but why?

From Beer Bellies to Childbearing

Recently, there have been shocking developments in the field of pre-natal science that rush far past common sense and the natural laws of God. When one views this in conjunction with the rise of gay visibility in our culture and the radical attempt to redefine the American family in some demented scheme to introduce militant socialism to this country, it becomes clear that the homosexual element has contrived the gay bear scene with something deeply sinister in mind.

Returning once again to those big, bouncy stomachs of the gay bears, it becomes obvious that the intent here is to mimic the physiology of a pregnant woman. This also underscores the bossy lifestyle choice’s strangely maternal side. Even the buttocks of the bears tell a story. Those supple globes say that girth does not slow down the sexual hunt, that a particular sort of man is seeking coitus as the receptacle. As has been noted elsewhere, the disturbing rise of sodomy in America is one of the most acclaimed successes of lascivious leftwing elitists. Amongst all types of homosexuals, the bears are most vociferous practitioners of hardcore sodomy and this is absolutely not a coincidence.

Bears are brazen about their addiction to sexuality during "hunting" season.

Bears are unusually brazen about their addiction to sexuality during “hunting” season.

Indeed, the sweaty thrust to make gay bears acceptable to the public at large has already achieved remarkable results. Fraudulent “satirist” Stephen Colbert has made this subculture the butt of endless jokes on his late night cable channel. From bloggers to “pay to play” streaming videos (Where the Bears Are is one fierce, frontal and freakishly furry example), these sassy bears are taking over the internet. They chronicle every minor detail of their secret world and instruct new recruits about the regimen of this dangerous lifestyle.

The bears even have their very own representative in the United States Congress (beefy and bearded Brian Sims, whose stunning blue eyes have an unspoken yet profoundly erotic and threatening quality about them that just screams, “Your body will be mine!”). Yes, there is a very real threat of the gay bear scene raping our culture until we submit to their lust for acceptance and shameless science, power and pregnancy.

Now that homosexual elitists have tasted the fruits of power at the hands of Obama, their appetite for total dominance will only grow. Some may label these warnings as far-fetched and prejudicial, but the truth is that the gay bears have already begun transitioning from beer bellies to childbearing. What comes up next on the gay agenda? If Christian Americans don’t retake this country from the hirsute arms of these carnal carnivores, we may soon find out!

 

About This Journalist

Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton, DDS and BOHDSc, is a retired physician who spent decades fighting on the frontlines of America’s healthcare fiasco. Today, he uses his journalism to inoculate citizens against our nation’s pandemic of socialism, scientism and sexual perversion.

  • Kaylee-Aurora

    This is just outrageous but when you really study what the liberals want to do to America, this is all part of their plan to destoy our family’s and any future real marriages. No wonder so many young people are affraid of tradition and the church and a Christian service for their wedding. People just know there marriage is not worth so much any more so why bother???

    • April Parr

      If a marriage is so fragile it can be destroyed by the marriage of two other people they don’t know, it’s a bullshit marriage to begin with. And young people aren’t afraid of tradition and church (though with the church’s stance on protecting their beloved pedo priests it would be good if they were), they are waking up and realizing they’ve been fleeced by a phony religion made by con men to shake money out of the fools that put blinders on themselves. Marriage was never “worth” anything to begin with. Maybe when the almighty christians start following everything else their buybull says, like all that stuff about divorce they ignore because, you know, they don’t wanna follow that part, maybe I might start taking the situation seriously. But we all know that isn’t gonna happen.

      • Stephenson_Billings

        Wow, that is a lot of hate from one angry atheist.

        • Moloto

          Really!? You see hate and anger in April’s comment? You’re just being facetious aren’t you?

          • Stephenson_Billings

            I have all the facts I need to prove my point, thank you very much.

          • AlbertCat

            Not “respecting” you personal (tho’ you’ve been spoon fed them since birth….so they aren’t very personal) fantasies is not hatred, y’know. Dismissing ancient superstitions and the out & out hatred inherent in them is not itself hatred…. it’s common sense…. and probably a lot of pity.

          • April Parr

            I find your assumption that I’m angry and that I have no personal belief in a divine being funny. Sounds like you’re the angry one. My rejection of any and all religion doesn’t come from a place of anger or hate. I “hate” your phony god as much as you “hate” the olympian gods. Can’t hate something that doesn’t exist.

            As for me? My gods are busy laughing at the fake construct of god you people worship that tells you all the right people to hate and dislikes all the same things you do.

          • AGPhillbin

            And my inner “god” is laughing at you for taking any of the writings here seriously! This might actually be a pseudo-Christian version of The Onion! Look around — it’s all quite hilariously insane, or insanely hilarious!

          • chichachachi

            You said that it was a Buybull and that marriage is worthless. You called believers fools who had been fleeced. You hate and pity the god-full people.

          • April Parr

            And your point is…? I kinda know what I said. Though you’re wrong on one account. I don’t hate deluded people, but I certainly pity them.

          • chichachachi

            That you clearly were seething with hate. You think they are deluded. They think you are deluded. The animosity in your language is obvious.

          • April Parr

            Ha ha. If it makes you feel good to think that, fine. Enjoy your false image of me.

          • chichachachi

            I can only go off what you are projecting from yourself using your own words. Words have meaning, no?

          • kayla

            You sound angry to me april! You are the one with phony Gods! I hate the gay crap going on !disgusting and vile!

          • April Parr

            Then maybe you shouldn’t be thinking about it all the time. It’s not healthy thinking about gay sex as much as you must.

          • kayla

            You seriously are retarted. You are obviously that special kind of stupid .!

          • April Parr

            Aw your pathetic god must be so proud of you <3 First of all, it's "retarded". And maybe you should learn that you don't use a period and an exclamation point at the same time. Please learn to spell before you try to insult people. You make your sad god look even sadder.

          • April Parr

            But in all seriousness, what is it with you “christians” and your personal attacks? Is it that you just don’t have anything else to say, or do you really think that by calling me names you’re making yourself look smart? It’s sick that you would use that word as a slur, by the way, and it makes you look like even more of a horrible person. Your god must definitely be proud of you. Always looking for that way to spread your “christian love”, aren’t you?

          • OlietheGoalie

            Your facts are you covering your ears and going “lalalalala whatever Fox News says is real lalalala I won’t listen to anything else”.

          • April Parr

            These guys see anything short of a person sucking their cock and joining their circle jerk as hate. Truth sounds like hate to the people that don’t want to believe it.

          • Young American

            what’s this about cock sucking now?

          • chichachachi

            I’m an atheist and your tone was obviously angry.

        • DesertSun59

          I find it amusing that you didn’t address one word of April’s post.

      • Blanche Beecham

        April, I’m so sorry for spinsters. When I see them, walking alone, usually with a passel of dogs or a “journal” with a bunch of those cartoon markers wrapped with rubberbands from broccoli I just want to cry. Marriage is completeness and that is something we can’t get from trying to make dogs into children, or draw from our imagination.
        I hope you can break free of the spinster cycle and snag a nice man.

        • AlbertCat

          “Marriage is completeness “…. plus he pays the bills, right?

          • Eli

            Well that was sexist.

        • April Parr

          Happily married to a man who loves and supports my independance, thank you very much. And I’m a writer, not a graphic artist. But thanks for playing. Now my advice to you is to buy a nice vibrator, set it on max, and coit yourself a few times. It’ll work that stick out of your ass pretty fast, trust me.

          • Blanche Beecham

            April, writing is not a career for young women like you. No one wants to read about your period or your “burn” list. Why must you types always bring up vibrators? Is it self-hate? Mommy not love you most?

            If you spent just a little time learning to fold a fitted sheet or how to darn you might have a little more appreciation for what it means to be a real woman.

          • April Parr

            Nope, I don’t live in the fifties like you. I’d rather write novels and contribute to creative society. Unlike the whimpering mewling women who would rather stay at home and serve their masters and fade away into obscurity without leaving a mark on the world. What’s the matter, too much of a coward to take a risk on your own career, you have to try and demean mine? I’ll keep my writing and my vibrator. My husband likes to watch me engage in both. If you are a “real” woman, I’m proud to be classified as something else.

          • Blanche Beecham

            Laughing out Loud!

          • flanoggin

            OMG Blanche….you crack me up……

          • Young American

            wait a minute, people write novels?

          • Jules Davis

            Blanche, I feel for you. It must be incredibly difficult for you to rationalize modernity on any real level. I hope for your sake that you have had more opportunities to partake in square dancing than any form of reproduction. God knows that we don’t need any more offspring from the likes of you, as you would singlehandedly (in a non-self-coital kind of way) put the whole feminist movement back about 2000 years. Fortunately for the rest of the female sex, there have been many advancements that don’t involve radical new ways of darning socks or needlepoint methods which actually allow women to do as the men-folk do. As for those of who were born gay, lesbian, transexual, queer, bisexual, etc, their rights have also greatly improved despite the backwards thinking of the likes of you.

        • Young American

          yea, but have you ever seen a monkey dressed up like a bell hop? that shit is hilarious!

    • Moloto

      Kaylee, are you paid to comment on this site? Just wondering. I could use some extra money too.

    • Young American

      yea, that and the clergy constantly sodomizing children… don’t forget the sodomy

    • Jerry Conner
  • Hamanda

    What the heck is next, pregnant lesbians? Gay jet packs? Drag queen enemas?

    • Crystal

      Lesbians can get pregnant…They are still women, and just because the other can’t help sire they still love their children. You’re just being stupid.

      • Sho

        Congrats, you’ve just found out what Satire is.

      • Young American

        you’re one of those chem trail people, ain’ cha?

  • Stephenson_Billings

    Peter LaBabera had a fascinating post the other day where he exposed all the horrific sexual antics of a parade the gays have out there in a secret part of San Francisco. It was full of men absolutely naked on the sidewalk and some were even dressed up in leather S&M bondage gear. The photos were eye opening and it was genuinely upsetting but I bookmarked it and even downloaded some of the imagery for my own journalism. It’s important that we Christians get the graphic truth out there, no matter how many websites or magazines you have to thumb through. Thank you Doc Bacon for adding another important piece for my bulging file on radical homosexuality.

    • Blanche Beecham

      LaBabera is a gift, an unguent for the abraded soul trapped in the bondage of this lifestyle.

    • Moloto

      ‘ …..it was genuinely upsetting but I bookmarked it and even downloaded some of the imagery for my own journalism.’ He he he, I still can’t stop laughing! Stephenson, are you trying to subtly telegraph that you’re gay? Man, this is priceless!

      • April Parr

        I know, right! I hate gay and lesbian porn. God I hate it. I hate it so much I download it and put it in a folder, so I can look at it and hate it. I hate the lesbian porn a lot with my husband. We watch it and hate it sometimes. Excuse me, I think it’s time to hate some of it again.

        • Young American

          there’s porn in the internets?

      • Liche Christ

        Moloto and April- please note also the Billings climaxes his comment with a rave about his ” ‘bulging’ file on radical homosexuality.”.

  • Ahmnodt Heare

    Gay men won’t get pregnant because many of them wear condoms as the result of the AIDS epidemic.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      Actually there’s some new party drug called Truvada which makes “bear back” possible. It’s the hot new gay trend.

      • Blanche Beecham

        Just what this country needs, more sex pills. First, it’s the college co-eds, prancing about, shaking their good time baggies of no consequences around. Now we have homosexuals, parading as woodland wildlife, popping pills and prowling for berries and hiney-honey. When will the depraved’s fascination with the privates end? Why can’t everyone just do good works or take up some wholesome square dancing?

        • Eli

          I can’t decide whether to be amused or offended right now. You do realize that as a straight person, you have just as much interest in other people’s privates as I do

        • Young American

          college makes them gay… I had a friend Bruce in high school… totally straight… he goes to college for one freaking semester and now he’s the tour manager for Hedwig and the Angry Inch!

      • Tim Artos Grady

        Truvada is a HIV medication. It is used not only with those in the gay community but others whom have the virus. Oh and the term is “bareback” please get the facts right before speaking your mind.

      • Crystal

        you stupid, its to treat the HIV virus. And it is not a trend. And HIV/AIDS is not a gay only thing. LEARN SOMETHING

      • grizzcub

        Actually no….Truvada is primarily used as a back up used along with condoms….it amazes me how much people who don’t like gays talk about gay sex….Y’all think about gay sex more than I do….

  • Yours Truly

    Excellent Post! I laughed all the way. Satire at its best!

    • grizzcub

      I hope this article is satire. …

      • It has to be. My ballbelly is much bigger than the fella in the picture and I’m a top.

      • James LeMay

        Read the name of the website 3 times real fast then look at the guy on their banner, the one holding the gun. haha you’ve been played.

  • Bob Terry

    This a joke right? This has to be a joke

  • Jack Fulcher IV

    Male pregnancy?! I mean, really?! Are the people who run this website really this fucking stupid?!

    • jackattack

      No, but some of the people who comment on the articles on this website are.

    • Eli

      Yes. Yes he is.

    • Artoo45

      If you can’t tell that the whole site is an elaborate Poe, you need to recalibrate your Parody Detector.

  • Osowoofy

    I just adore this so much, I can’t even begin to pick a favorite passage.

  • AlbertCat

    Obviously a “poe” site or not real (but the religious folks in the comment section believe! Rubes!) …with stuff like this too absurd article with statements in it like “beefy and bearded Brian Sims, whose stunning blue eyes have an unspoken yet profoundly erotic and threatening quality about them that just screams,“Your body will be mine!”

  • Ben Brown

    Y…Y’all know this is satire right?

  • Artoo45

    A marvelous parody. That you snare loons into commenting is priceless. Blanche is one of yours, right? She’s awesome.

  • Morgan Dominy

    This bouncy body isn’t just for hugs and snuggles. I’m making room for bear-spawn! Prepare yourselves world! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    • Young American

      will you name it bruce? that’s a gay name, isn’t it?

  • Shea LaRoux

    You all realize that this is SATIRE, right? I am so sick of these stupid sites.

  • Mike_Martinez

    I adore satire/ But I know Doc Bacon goes on those Bear Runs so he can bottom for every chubby hairy guys he sees. You all continue with the discussion and try not to realize you’re the joke here as much as the “story” above.

  • flanoggin

    Someone is a little too interested in the gay bears….the buttocks comment made me laugh out loud….I first thought this was a satire web sire….just saying…..

  • Prospero

    You are all clearly insane.

  • liquidassets

    lol! Hilarious.. better than The Onion. Sharing…

  • Really?

    People need to mind their own business. Oh, and stop being so afraid. You know, because you’re ignorant.

  • Paul

    Those sneaky homo bastards!

  • Paul

    Feeding satire to Americans. Even though they could benefit from all the nutrients it contains, like cellulose it’ll just pass through undigested.

  • rogo00

    That guy was a doctor?

  • Rasi Sea

    This site contains some of the most brilliantly constructed highest caliber satire to be found anywhere on the Internet. More please!! 🙂

  • Junior Bruna

    This is article that is trying so hard to be funny, with parallels unrelated and stretched to far to make much sense. An insulting and childish rant about some kind of “sub-culture” in the gay community. Why do people need to write this and expect people, especially people who want and will say “oh that is so true” ” I or you are so that”….. It’s an article that is cheap and a typical insulting point of view from, someone that thinks they are noticing something new in society that has always been there……and you have just been reading to many gay websites, or, or, or, or, or …what is this article for? To inform us of what? Have you been hiding in the bush watching the interaction of bears walking down the street, sitting in restaurants, with your iPad, Either you have plagerised most of this article from other people’s writing or you have been Living close quarters with these so called men. The now second article that seems to know in depth and the other sexual practices of the Bears…….are you expecting us to think you just heard this from others, not considered reliableable or sound rumor or……you are the perverse peeping Tom the most defiant of all behaviour ….you pervert hiding in the bush to watch people in there homes or follow them on the street…

  • Geo Pine

    Keep talking ya all…….

  • NosefaceKillah

    So wait this site is real?

  • musikfanat22

    insanity…

  • Masta Kush

    Lol! That was one of the craziest conspiracy articles I’ve ever read! I think you’re reading into this whole ‘bear scene’ thing waaaay too much, lol. They aren’t planning some world takeover…

    Now on to my rant on how fellow Christians need to stop being judge, jury and executioner… James 4:12 is a good verse to start this comment with, “There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?” I’m tired of seeing so many Christians act in such an intolerant and judgemental way! There are numerous passages in the bible that state judging others is not only NOT our job, but we will actually be judged more harshly if we indiscriminately judge others. You are entitled to your opinion like everyone else (including da bears), but you are not entitled to berate others with insults and tell them they are going to hell repeatedly. This is the exact mentality that has run off so many younger kids these days. Tbh, it’s the reason that I stopped going to church a while back. I was sick of seeing the preachers act in a way that is actually against the bible’s way. I pray to God numerous times a day, read the bible daily, read other biblical scholars’ opinions, research the history of the known and estimated writers of the books, and generally just emulate the teachings of the New Testament as best that I can. And before you claim I’m not a Christian because I stopped going to church… I dare you to find a verse in the KJV that explicitly says that church attendance is mandatory. Like other ‘facts’ (such as tidings that is actually based on the tax system of the Jews after their exodus from Egypt, not the bible) spoken about by the average preacher, they are mysteriously absent when you actually read God’s word. There are vague references to being given a Sabbath once or twice and references to God being everywhere that a few Christians are gathered, but there isn’t a single passage that set up our current system of weekly church. That was the Romans…

    Now to get back to my other point… We are supposed to behave like Jesus, not the Old Testament God. We should be bastions of tolerance and giving. That doesn’t mean for us to rollover and play dead. After all, Jesus stood up the the Pharisees. He didn’t just say, “Hey guys, I give up! You were right about everything!” He did what was right, but he didn’t do it by acting like an immature lunatic speaking about crazy conspiracy theories. He used nothing but bible scriptures to prove his points! And if you read the scriptures he quoted throughout his ministry on Earth, he did not take verses out of context, add words/meanings/omissions to the scriptures. He only used obviously relevant scripture to argue his point, along with the occasional parable that had a fairly easy-to-understand moral.

    I guess my main point is this: Stop judging people based on prejudices and hatred for those you don’t understand. Stop taking bible verses out of context or even intentionally manipulating their meaning, and stop trying to impose YOUR law on others. You aren’t trying to impose God’s law. I do not see a ‘Thou shalt not have homosexual relations’ in the 10 commandments… Flame away ‘Christians’

  • ryu238

    Well trans men are pregnant. But that is a separate culture.