“Fapping,” The Newest Internet Fad That Could Be Putting Your Teens at Risk

Posted on by Doc Bacon

fap1First there was “Planking.” Then came “The Choking Game.” Suddenly the World Wide Web overflowed with outrageous youth trends, shared and traded on the social media like an outbreak of herpes. Today we are in a crisis of reckless teen antics celebrated on sites like Facebook, Itunes and Youtube. From “vodka eyeballing” to smoking Smarties, from “Brony Parties” to “butt chugging,” children are taking incredible risks with their lives and parents are none the wiser.

The sad fact is that young people are often unprepared to deal with the harsh reality of the internet. By logging online, they’re exposed to people outside their communities, their families and their faith. There may be an older boy with police record clicking on the other end of Facebook. Or a girl from an inner city with her own axe to grind. We may never know, but one thing is clear: children are dying all over the nation because of the peer pressure to be “cool” on the web.

Recently, a curious keyword popped up in my internet filters and I decided to take a closer look. The phrase was “fapping” and innocently enough I devoted one weekend to understanding the strange subculture behind this odd bit of secret slang. What I uncovered was both graphic and shocking. I should warn you, what follows is not for the faint of heart but it is a crucial message for parents today.

“Fapping” is a phrase that was coined on the illegal Chinese website 4-chan (meant to sound phonetically like an Asian pronouncing “Fortune”). Much as the name suggests, this website celebrates a combination of Oriental mysticism and an interest in moneymaking (through trading of illegal download content). On 4-chan, the subculture of “hipsterism” remains strong and as such, the users here are always looking to launch a new fad on the internet. You may have heard of this website as news analyst Bill O’Reilly recently dedicated an entire segment to the threat that it poses to American families.

With fapping, the 4-channers found the perfect way to express their pagan mysticism with an eye to profit. The word itself has an obscene meaning. Fapping, in essence, represents a type of personal gratification with a twist. To the outside observer, it appears to be masturbation, mainly male masturbation, of a most unrepentant and malicious nature. It is a non-procreative function, and thus celebrates nihilism over family values, socialism over Christianity. It is vocal and rapid, harsh and chafing. Done through the aid of streaming hardcore internet pornography, it has driven enormous profits to those who make x-rated content. The twist here is that it’s often done in collusion with others. A grand internet social protest, if you will. Linked up through nefarious underground websites like Omegle, Reddit and Foursquare, “fappers” use message boards and video link ups to push each other into competitions and illicit bodily displays. For the web businesses in question, this trend has reaped them millions upon millions of dollars.


Could this happen to your children? Sadly, the answer is an unequivocal yes. Teens are often lured into the obscure corners of the internet through unusual hyperlinks and racy photographs. Once inside a 4-chan or a Reddit, young people are confused and lost. They may take a wrong turn and end up cornered by bullies with menacing screen-names extolling rape and homosexuality. Overwhelmed by the fast-paced action of these message boards, they feel like there is no choice but to give in to the peer pressure. That’s when the masturbation begins. Taunts and tears keep the young man going at first. He will push himself to physical extremes, risking penile fracture, infertility, homosexuality and much worse.

Later, the fapper will return again and again to these fetid websites, chasing down the rush of a fap high. No, it will never be as thrilling as the first time. The threats are still there, but the promise of acceptance, of finally being in the “it crowd” is long past. He used to think he was breaking all the rules, but soon he realizes that on websites like 4-chan there are no more rules to be broken. You can’t be an outlaw in the underground fap community for they live entirely outside the rule of law. Whether it’s bestiality or sex dolls, dead infants or testicle electrodes, these people have seen it all.

Then comes the bitterness, the anguish. Alone and enraged, the fap addict turns to luring other teens into their sickening world. The prey becomes the predator. It’s a vicious cycle.

Studies have shown that masturbation addicts are disproportionately represented in the under- and unemployed. Close to 98% of marijuana smokers and those serving time in prison are masturbators. They tend to prioritize sleep and the internet over work and family. Ethnically, minorities show a greater disposition to erotic personal gratification over other groups, though these numbers level out once we look at educational backgrounds. Indeed, those who focus on math and the sciences in their academics tend to favor masturbation far more, while teens who devote themselves to athletics are lured into this trap significantly less.

bacon1One interesting facet of the masturbation trap is that it can perpetuate the inherent disadvantages of minorities and the socially inept. In public, the chronic masturbator is often an outcast, unwashed and unloved, as he moves from his parent’s basement to a dorm room to an inner city apartment. His chances for employment are severely limited. Hiring managers long ago read the data and realized that fappers have much shorter attention spans and never enough energy to complete even the most basic tasks. Shunned from the workplace, the masturbator takes refuge in his nasty habit, devoting increasing amounts of resources to locate the perfect bed, the most pliable pillow and the fastest internet connection. It’s not long before fapping becomes a gateway to marijuana, as the unemployed and disgraced addict seeks some way to escape the horror of his sour fate. Sadomasochism, welfare, crystal meth, a life of crime and even prison await the young man who has tumbled into this downward spiral.

The good news is that parents can do a great deal to prevent the fap fad from affecting their family. We should always be vigilant about what websites our teens are using and willing to confront them when we see objectionable content. Beyond that, casual monitoring is the key. When a child becomes unnecessarily dependent on solitude and uses closed doors to separate himself from the family, mothers and fathers need to take notice. If a teen’s masturbation habit takes a sudden turn for the worse, don’t be afraid to step in. Mothers, be aware if tissues and Vaseline are disappearing from the home. Dirty sheets, strong odors and unusually crusty stains are another warning sign you can look out for. If a boy is taking lengthy showers, you have a responsibility to check on him to make sure he’s not injured or gratifying. Fathers, once you’ve gathered the evidence, have a talk with your boy and let him know that this whole fap fad is dangerous and immoral and just a passing trend. Who knows, maybe next year the internet will be crazy for face shaving and Wrestlemania!

About This Journalist

Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton, DDS and BOHDSc, is a retired physician who spent decades fighting on the frontlines of America’s healthcare fiasco. Today, he uses his journalism to inoculate citizens against our nation’s pandemic of socialism, scientism and sexual perversion.

  • Not Doing It

    People have been yanking since forever but this doing it online with a bunch of other guys on some website is just weird shit.

  • Mr. Graves

    Fapping, is a term coined from the sound of a man’s cock-skin and balls making slapping noises. try it at home. (fapfapfapfap). try it everywhere. i would love it if you were to just masturbate onto your children, so we would have an actualy problem here.

    • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

      You are incorrect, sir!

      • The guy who actually faps.

        You are incorrect actually. There is no backstory to fapping. No secret cult bent on destroying religion (as beneficial to humanity as it may be) or propagation of suicide and homosexuality (what’s wrong with homosexuality anyway, it doesn’t affect you people, i bet you’re all the kind of people that go to protests against equality). It’s just internet slang for masturbation. You old conservative coots over-think the modern internet society too much. 4chan, reddit, etc are websites purely for sharing funny images and porn without any social obligations. Why do people need to over-think everything so much. There is no subculture here. It’s just plain fun, cat pictures and weird porn. I really wish people who have stopped evolving on a social level when they ran out of cocaine that one night in 1982 would stop giving their uneducated, judgemental, outdated, religion and politics influenced opinion on stuff they don’t understand. Namely the internet. If you people do not even know what fapping means, then I’m sorry but the internet is no place for you. Stick to using it just for checking your e-mails and buying vintage bibles from eBay. How do I know all this? Because I, unlike you all am not a 50 year old republican bible thumper or an overprotective soccer mom, I am an actual teenager. From the Internet. Who faps. Daily. To very weird stuff. And in all the years I have been doing it, there have been absolutely no social repercussions. I have not fractured my penis, quite the opposite, I am now able to contain my load for a considerable longer amount of time, I have not suddenly obtained an urge to have sex with other men, I have not gained a fetish for little children, I do not have any urges to commit suicide. I have become an atheist (not to be confused with satanist, something that you people tend to do, I do not worship satan, I do not worship anyone, I reject all magical deities and do my best to live my life to the fullest) tho, but that is because of a whole other reason, not even remotely connected to fapping. And neither have any of my of my friends who also practice “fapping” (37 in number, to be exact). The Hipsters, Goths, Suicidal emo kids and all of these outrageous youths you people keep refering to in your articles comprise less than 3% of the “fappers” in the world. Let me put it this way for you to realize how widespread and harmless “fapping” actually is. Next sunday when you go to church look at every single teen there. 9 out of 10 of them will be fappers. Of course they won’t admit it, who the heck would admit to masturbating? Also, it’s been scientifically proven that masturbation does NOT cause any of the following: blindness, erectile dysfunction, social anxiety, homosexuality, pedophilia and any other thing a priest says it will cause. It does however help prevent prostate cancer. You may be a “Doctor” but I invite you to google it.

        • Stephenson_Billings

          You seem to know a lot about this whole scene, perv.

          • Coasters

            “This whole scene” is a biological urge that exists in every single human being. Maybe you should go have a good jerk to loosen yourself up.

  • Felicia Henrys

    Kids should be focusing on their homework and socialize skills at this age and I guess in America all this weird goth crap is acceptable and thats why the Chinese are pretty much beating us in everything. No surpise that all this crap started happening when idiots put that Kenyan in the Oval Office.

    • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

      Hussein Obama has inspired the rejecting of so much of our ethical common sense under the banner of “Progress” and “Change”. He really wants to “Remake America” as he has stated so many times. With epidemic diseases, chronic unemployment and the socialist Obamacare fiasco, people are now realizing what exactly that means.

      • you are all fucking idiots

        You disgusting, racist, intolerant, close minded, non oxford comma using piece of shit. You..you are something else, doctor bacon. Do you like it when people use your middle name? Since you like to use it so people are assured that Obama is “an evil sand nigger Kenyan”. Fuck you. Its shoe boxes of fermented horse intestines that give Christianity a bad name.

        • Homer Sexual


        • Stephenson_Billings

          The only people I ever see use the “oxford comma” are British homosexuals, fyi.

          • you are all fucking idiots

            For all you know I’m a British homosexual.

          • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

            Serves you right then.

          • you are all fucking idiots

            See the thing is though,I’m a straight American citizen, but unlike you, being the piece of shit you are, I dont discriminate for things like nationality or sexuality. Its the quality of a persons soul that matters. Yours is stone cold and completely uneducated

          • you are all fucking idiots

            Haha I thought you were some guy making a troll kind of joke. But nope. You’re another intolerant, brainwashed piece of shit! Gee wiz, what a goddamn surprise. So now the oxford comma is evil too? Every staff member on this site is fucking retarded. I was really hoping this whole site was an elaborate joke

          • Incredulous

            cuz we all know what people do in their bedrooms or where they come from based on sight and commas…..wow, the old are not the wise, here.

  • strawberry

    I caught my daughter doing this 3 days ago and shes 16. She was doing it with an vibrating toothbrush and had one of those nasty websites on her computer and I asked her what she was doing and she said nothing and looked really embarrassed I kind of feel bad because she hasnt talked to me since then. i dont know how to punish for it cause thats just nasty.

    • Anthony Haulter

      pics or it didn’t happen.

      • Tuxedo Elite

        you sir, are on sick puppy.

    • Yes Please

      You should punish her with a spanking. A long, hard spanking.

      • B. K. Hutterer

        So, I read in this article that masturbation is bad. I personally don’t think so. For one, I enjoy it as a manner of suppressing my sexual frustration so that I don’t get driven crazy at work. Number two: it’s seemingly better to masturbate while watching a porn video or reading erotica than it is imagining a love interest of mine (until any one of them starts masturbating me off and/or doing fellatio, the latter which I have heard feels waaaaaaay more pleasurable than masturbating using my own hands (yes, my penis is quite endowed and can handle two hands instead of one.). Lastly, masturbation is a great stress reliever when your wife isn’t around or, even if around, if her sex drive isn’t nearly so prolonged as your own. Seeing how you are an old fogey, I am guessing you have a limited sex drive leaving you with limited sexual intercourse with your wife of only once per month. Meanwhile, her own sex drive is much more prolonged, hence she could be masturbating or having an affair because you couldn’t get it up after the first round every time. Truly, I pity your situation, Oppa.

    • Old Guy In Stanton

      >>>”I caught my daughter doing this 3 days ago and shes 16. She was doing it
      with an vibrating toothbrush and had one of those nasty websites on her
      computer and I asked her what she was doing and she said nothing and
      looked really embarrassed I kind of feel bad because she hasnt talked to
      me since then. i dont know how to punish for it cause thats just nasty.”

      The appropriate punishment is obvious. Remember when you were a kid and your dad caught you smoking Marlboro’s out behind the barn? What did he do? Right, he make you smoke and deeply inhale the entire pack, until you turned green and puked all over yourself. Remember? And you never, ever wanted to smoke a Marlboro ever again.

      You probably need to personally apply the above aversion therapy concept to your daughter’s unhealthy, unpatriotic and degenerate interest in Sex. Make sure you have a good stock of those little blue pills, set aside a quiet weekend alone with her in an isolated cabin somewhere, and adverse the shiat out of her for two entire long sweaty days.

      (I’ll have a seat over there….)

  • Garth Spencer

    I fail to understand your references to either socialism or to Christianity. Otherwise, yes, fapping is a deviant behaviour that wastes people’s time.

  • hairypalmblind

    Amusing piece. Poor written, poorly reasoned.

    I especially mock his reference to “minority” group seeing greater incidence of “fapping”. “Minority” is simply mathematical reality–50%-1. To which minority is he referring? Those with 99 IQ, those who are Christians (who are globally a minority).

    Upon reading a second time, I am convinced this piece is simply an attempt at humor….it is too ridiculous to be serious.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      Here we have a typical liberal: quick with the insults, cites vague “scientific” knowledge and coats the whole thing with sarcasm as a poor excuse for his stupidity. You’re an internet “tough guy” aren’t you? I have to laugh, you wouldn’t last five minutes against most real men I know.

      • CreamCannon

        It’s a piece written about how masturbation is ruining family values, and they’re acting like the new slang for it makes it a new thing. Everyone has Do-it-Yourself moments and you can’t say you haven’t at least once. Hell, I know I have/do and still hold better values on relationships than most men. I Don’t sleep with anyone I don’t honestly care about where I feel like they could be the one. I still want to have kids and strive to raise them the best I can. I believe strongly in romance and love and being responsible to your family and in a relationship. However, I also believe that we are just a more highly evolved animal with certain animal instincts that would be easier to privately handle than to ignore and risk offending people out in public. For example, men on average get eleven erections a day but if you handle one before going out, the odds of having to hide one later decreases a promising amount. All this “fad” is, is a simple word to describe an action that is instinctively planted in us and has occurred in every generation since the beginning of the species. The proof of it being an animalistic urge in our DNA is shown through the simple fact that primates and apes do it as well.
        Now generally I’m not one to do this whole fact flinging, internet argument garbage, but I’ll be damned if one person has the ignorance to try and insult (as well as threat in your ending) another person and they’re opinion even if they’re basing on nothing more than the writer’s vagueness. I don’t know about you, but also having to offer a fight through other people instead of fighting yourself also tells me you’re a coward who has no real right to talk about real men. I may not be jacked but i’m extremely well toned and fast with a black belt in tang soo do so I may not like fighting but I dare you to come against me yourself. So until you yourself can do the fighting and get off of these message boards and respect another persons opinion you need to zip your lip and go get a toupe.

        • Aflay

          I just want to state for the record, that if you ever go on 4chan, this is all that the majority of the people do. They don’t do hardcore fapping business, at least, not constantly, every hour on the hour, or anything. They debate about stupid things over massive passages. You can spend hours reading most of the stupidity they post. If you read long enough, you might actually think it makes sense. Even if there is any logic or wisdom to be found in 4chan, you should never, ever, use it as a reference, and never take it seriously. It is a hub for scumbags and opinionated teenagers. The beauty of it is you never know anyone there. Oh, you probably guessed by now I’ve been to 4chan, but you’d never know if I was some ordinary dude visiting, or an obsessed madman, a regular /b/tard, or something in between. Everyone is anonymous there, so you can’t really stop it. You can’t do much about it. There isn’t a thing to worry about. Just relax and let /b/tard be /b/tards. Fighting them will only make you look foolish.

          • tsetse

            there is a ton of fap going on at 4chan. hate to break it to you but maybe your too much of a loser and havent been invited.

      • Bone Wilder

        Ok, just to make sure we are all clear here, you are retarded. Got it.

      • Old Guy In Stanton

        I love your site. Is that wrong?

      • still can’t believe this

        what science?!?!?! are you retarded? did he confuse you? are you the 99 IQ minority?

    • Old Guy In Stanton

      >>>”Upon reading a second time, I am convinced this piece is simply an attempt at humor….it is too ridiculous to be serious.”

      It took you two reads?

  • red blaze

    Kids just do this stuff to rebel. Give it a few years and all these stupid trends will pass.

    • Stephenson_Billings

      It’s the sort of thing that parents can certainly intervene in and help their teens put behind them before it causes any genuine problems for their health and social roles.

    • you are all fucking idiots

      Its fucking masturbation! Everyone does it!! How stupid and Christian do you have to be to think jerkin the gerkin is a fucking plot to wipe out the Republican Christian race? Jesus Non-existent Christ you people are disgusting and retarded beyond repair. Just fucking die.

      • Me

        I feel even worse about the people who actually think this is serious. This “article” as poorly written as it is has to be a troll. I honestly can’t believe that people could be this stupid.


    Are you people serious? You have nothing better to do with your time?
    God fucking forbid a teenager experiments with their bodies.

    LOL, There is no way this article is serious.
    It’s just too stupid.

    And all the people posting saying that it’s “wrong” and “disgusting” to masturbate,
    Come on, people. Grow the fuck up.
    I’m sure my parents prefered to know that I was a virgin and masturbating to explore my body,
    rather than going out and exploring in a much more extreme way.

    You’re all pathetic and stupid.
    Leave your kids alone, let them explore their own bodies.
    Either that or they’ll hate you for it, and you can’t blame them.

    Please, go ahead and tell me that you’ve never touched yourself.
    Guaranteed you can’t , seeing as how you usually start to touch and explore your body as a infant.

    Maybe this old fool writing the article should fucking masturbate,
    maybe that would stop him from being so fucking ignorant to the world around him.

    • frohargoestobollywood

      You mean you wouldn’t give up fapping to save the USA?

      • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

        These pervs care about nothing except themselves. It’s the height of selfishness.

        • you are all fucking idiots

          Oooohhh mmyyy gooood you crustyold fuck please just shut your mouth

  • Aflay

    I don’t know if this article is serious, or remarkably flippant.

  • Pay the Piper a visit

    Can somebody please tell me in plain words how “pleasuring-one-self” alone in the house affects the family the day after?

    • Bone Wilder

      Each time you wank you are less likely to grow up like the people involved with creating this article. And I think we can all agree that this is a good thing.

      • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

        Do you enjoy encouraging little boys on the internet to masturbate?

        • Me

          Only if they send us pics.

  • matt71896

    Don’t write stupid things on the internet, if you haven’t noticed, no one find your article to be relevant. fucking waste of my time. if i wanted better information i would watch fox news.

  • Ellouise

    mastrubating once in a while isn’t that bad right ? … even if you are a girl right ? .. o-o

  • I’mNotSure

    Poe’s Law is killing me.

  • yesm

    Thanks for the great article. A lot of parents are really worried about all this teen stuff so it’s good to know you’re looking out for us.

    • Me

      Can’t tell if trolling or just stupid.

  • Te’Vell Winston

    4Chan has nothing to do with chinese. Its all american based.
    This whole article is a load of crock.

  • frohargoestobollywood

    “Once inside a 4-chan or a Reddit, young people are confused and lost. They may take a wrong turn and end up cornered by bullies with menacing screen-names extolling rape and homosexuality. Overwhelmed by the fast-paced action of these message boards, they feel like there is no choice but to give in to the peer pressure. That’s when the masturbation begins.”

    SPOT ON!!!!

    • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

      I appreciate your support!

      • you are all fucking idiots

        Dr. Shitforbrains, are you familiar with the term “sarcasm”?


        Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton, should see a phychiatrist immediately, he should also note there is only ONE supporter and he s probably a relative.Mr. Plimpton you are the ones Jesus warned us about, you try to warp everything Jesus taught us and twist it to your own weird little ideaology, remember sir YOU will answer to GOD some day. I dont think he would be too happy with people like you.

        • IMAPARENT

          I read the wikipedia article, it says its also caused by intercouse! so you thik we should stop having sex too? I’m beginning to get this now. You cant get it up so you want everyone else to stop having sex or pleasuring themselves. OLD FOOL!

  • meme

    Don’t punish your kids for masturbating if you EVER want them to tell you ANYTHING again.

    oh.. and masturbation has been proven to be healthy..

    • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

      Ever heard of penile fracture? What about the child who died from masturbating? Get your facts straight, you freak.



      • MrsL

        Neither Wiki nor Buzzfeed are valuable souses, you cannot die from masturbating! Penile fractures most often happen from sex, including sexual marital sex. Adults masturbate, youth masturbate, everyone masturbates and if you say that you don’t you are in denial. Masturbation has been happening for as long as sexuality has been around, and weather you like it or not, sir, humans are sexual creatures. How else do you think reproduction happens? Because humans get horny and want to mate. You cannot and will not EVER suppress human sexuality not matter how hard you try or how education you think you are in the matter.

        • I.C. Wiener Esq.

          >how education you think you are in the matter.

          Kids these days. Can’t even use proper grammar in written form and they think they can debate against those with their doctorates.

          • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

            Lack of oxygen to the brain can be caused by excessive heart rates in confined space, and it doesn’t take a scientist to link this very type of self abuse to lower IQs in our children today.

      • Butthurt

        Penile fracture? Alright, so I’m going to break my dick. Makes sense Dr. Bacon.

  • Mary

    This is a religious website with no actual facts or viable informaton. http://harddawn.com/about-us/ this website is dedicated to killing homosexuality. Come on people… I recommend going to a REAL and current doctor for health advise. This article is completely 100% an opinion article with false information. Don’t let a 90 year old retired doctor-gone-extremist tell you how to live your life or raise your family.

  • Al Pal

    If you take this article seriously, I must inform you that this website is named “hard dawn”. If you can’t connect the dots from there, I have nothing more to say.

  • Jewlissa

    In all seriousness you honestly believe that “Fapping” is going to be cause of our children’s demise. How did you ever become a doctor. If it wasn’t for masturbation I can almost guarantee the rage i have felt over some situation saved lives. I would rather get my self off then find a quick lay with the potential of getting so disease from a random partner I could rub one out a few times a week and and you dont see me in prison or smoking marijuana! I have a very successful career and I still have time for my family. I Think you “Christian” views are ridiculously stated. Nothing you said will ever catch in the way you are hoping. I would rather have my son masturbate then have sex too soon. I will encourage this as apposed to being a teen parent. Just saying.

    • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

      Over indulgence in any habit is bad for one’s health. You should not take mega doses of vitamin C all day long, nor should you run 100 miles a day, for example. In the case of self gratification, there is a medical and a social component. The social component alone is scary enough to keep parents worried. Children who pursue hardcore pornography online are far likelier to rape. They are also far likelier to engage in more basic anti-social behaviors, such as avoiding peer contact or even sports. The physical problems posed by self abuse have been thoroughly explained and I don’t need to detail that once again if you’re too liberal to grasp common sense science the first time.

      • DrQuack

        “Children who pursue hardcore pornography online are far likelier to rape.” You are absolutely out of your mind and have no reputable evidence to back up the claims in your “article” or comments. Your suggestions of admonishing children and young adults for absolutely normal sexual behavior such as masturbation, and corrupting their minds with this complete nonsense, will accomplish nothing but raising a group of mentally handicapped and uniformed adults like yourself. “Fappers” will not be responsible the destruction of society, people like you will. Seek psychological help “doctor.”

        • Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton

          Just read the science:


          • DrQuack

            I will again reiterate, you have no reputable evidence to back up any of your claims. How about linking to something from the American Medical Association, the American Journal of Medicine, the American Psychological Association, etc. As a doctor you should be more than familiar with the resources available. You have provided absolutely nothing to back up your claims but more garbage.

          • 12941294124

            DDS in the guy’s bio, doesn’t that mean dentist?

          • DrQuack

            Yes, according to his bio he is a retired dentist.

          • DrQuack

            I just glanced at your bio which states that your degree is in dentistry. Exactly how is a retired dentist in any way qualified in the field of human sexuality and biology? I certainly wouldn’t want a podiatrist performing a heart transplant.

          • 12941294124

            LOL, I just posted the same thing! WTF!

          • DrQuack

            Lol hopefully more people notice that, though I would imagine the vast majority of people already realize this guy is totally off his rocker before even getting that far.

  • Concerned

    I have discovered that my son gets in my bed and masturbates, leaving a his spill on the sheets and sometimes the wall and its disgusting.
    He is 15 years old .. I am divorced from his father and I live with my new boyfriend. My son is a very weird kid, not many friends around him but he does excellent in science and math.
    I have no clue how to approach this with him to talk about it.
    Any one has experienced a similar one like that?

    • DrPlimptonsReceptionisf

      Please collect a sample off the wall and send it to “Doctor” Plimpton for analysis.

  • fuck_christianyity

    and this is why Catholics were hated in the 1920s, these people don’t know how to be factual.
    this is fucking hilarious
    Smoke a joint

  • Morpheus

    The author is clearly one of those people that also refuses to believe that the world is older than 10,000 years and that dinosaurs are a lie. His perspective on culture is framed from a 1950’s standpoint. He lacks the comprehension of anything modern, you can tell that new technologies and even current tech like the internet scare him.

  • dickeverywhere

    this might be the funniest website on the internet

  • you are all fucking idiots

    Oh my god
    you’re a fucking dentist.
    you have no place here, Senior Bacon

  • Anonymous Brony

    Being incorrect about the internet: Fine
    Being incorrect about the internet and talking about it ON the internet: NOPE
    That’s like walking into black gang territory and yelling “FUCK Y’ALL NIGGA’S”

    • Stephenson_Billings

      How impressively mature, little lady.

  • An American

    “illegal Chinese website 4-chan”


    Sir, you have no idea what you’re talking about. You should stick to worshiping Reagan and W, rather than misinforming people.

  • Me

    Can’t tell if most successful troll ever or worst article ever…

  • fuuckyou

    what the fuck did i just read. All of you need to take those giant sicks out of your asses

  • Allen

    I deleted pornography from my life last month as part of my devotion to Jesus Christ. Honestly I feel great but its struggle. My parents say 15 year olds are tempted like this all the time but it will be better when Im older. Lust is always out there and it can appear in many ways. The Web has many dangers but I am happy that there are groups that support positive view of the body in God’s name. I could use your prayers and devotionals on my journey. God’s blessing on you all.

  • foofoofoo

    Ha – the author’s a dentist ‘fighting on the frontlines of America’s healthcare fiasco”! Remember to floss!

  • Unoneemoose

    and as they might tell you on 4chan, y’all just got trolled hard

  • Dr. Goldstein Schlomo

    Dis a gr8 b8 m8 I’ll r8 u a 8.

  • James LeMay

    The teens these days really need to start reading the bible. Flapping is worse than twerking.