Bossy Bottoms From Outer Space Are Preventing Trump From Invading Uranus

Posted on by Stephenson Billings

Space Bottoms are a new breed of homosexual-extraterrestrial hybrids attempting to bring razzle dazzle to galactic depths of penetration.

Since the days of Galileo, true patriots have stood up against the wrath of outer space.

It’s a dark, cruel place, perfect for leftwing science and sexual perverts to run amok. No wonder Obama loved NASA’s exploration programs almost as much as he loved compromising with Iran!

And just as Obama made bad deals with that rogue Muslim state, he did the same with a radical regime of homosexuals known as the Power Bottoms.

The Kenyan impostor surrendered huge swaths of American culture to these sassy reprobates, emboldening them to seize control of our televisions and search engines and even our most sacred bathroom spaces.

As a journalist, I was one of the few to report on the Power Bottoming trend and how our Super Elite Homosexuals made treaties with extraterrestrials that put American sovereignty at risk.

Naturally, the liberal media was silent.

Most offensive of all, Power Bottomists used taxpayer trillions to pioneer space travel and colonize our solar system. Soon enough, militant manwhore-extraterrestrial hybrids claimed Uranus as their horny home base!

They’ve turned it into the sleaziest corner of the galaxy! All it took was some lube and glitter and a few secret Illuminati sex rituals. You won’t find that fact on the Facebook! #UranusCensorship is real, sheeple! 

Now Donald J. Trump wants to tear up Obama’s agreements with these leather-clad sodomy specialists.

The President knows that Uranus is the largest sponsor of homosexuality in the galaxy. Uranus is becoming increasingly belligerent and is completely controlled by the extremist Power Bottom ideology. Uranus has grown so powerful that highly placed sources in the Trump Administration suspect it’s being developed into a “death star.”

The sagging, yellowed surface of Uranus, pockmarked after years of abuse.

No doubt that Death Star of Uranus is aimed precisely at America’s massively proud manhood!

Apologist wimps say that Uranus has every right to exist. They claim it’s not so large or dangerous and deny that it’s consumed an entire generation of eager young men. Some say we should give sanctions time to work, like diapering an alcoholic to cure his food poisoning.

But the truth is, America has always been at war with Uranus!

The Power Bottoming lifestyle is completely at odds with Christian-American Patriotism. The world of these anal anarchists is one of nonstop hedonism. The phallus is their highest god, able to grant a spasm of salvation on some greasy ghetto futon while magic vapors swirl and muscled ethnic jocks line up to take turns. This scene is repeated night after night; twinks and saunas and bears and Brazilians and spanking and more terms than one man could ever research on a streaming video website as my wife batters on the bathroom door at midnight!

So let’s forget the globalists for a moment. What we really should be focusing on are the solarists who want to open up the entire Solar System to a fluid exchange with the Homosexual Death Star. That means more sex terrorism on the home front! And immigration and lost wages and the extinction of family values!

Worse still, what if China or Atheism is making secret deals with Uranus at this very moment? How easy it would be for them to gain leverage over America’s entertainment industry through these backdoor channels! Once you control entertainment, you control the votes!

Et tu, Anus?

If we citizens sit on our hands during this crisis, what will it ultimately mean for North Korea? Or Hollywood? Will they feel free to develop their illicit programs without fear of retaliation from the Trump Administration?

In the final analysis, all of America could be crammed up this bossy bottom agenda, rammed in there deep and forcefully as Uranus giggles in the blackened galactic night, clenching the full girth of our homegrown masculinity — our hairy chested blue collar workers, our hardened soldiers, our most virile young athletes, heroes all! — as our patriotism explodes in sweat and messy tears, finally to drip out in a pathetic drizzle down some young sodomite’s shaved legs…

No, there is no room for compromise. President Trump needs to strike Uranus while it’s hot. Even the Democrats know that a little nationalistic drone warfare is the best way to distract the public from Congressional investigations and the transfer of working class wealth to the 1%! Most important of all, war is a proven method of providing our able bodied men with much needed work! Not to mention empowering our finest military contractors with several trillions! There’s no better way to honor all the young voters who will die in the coming conflicts!


  • Blanche Beecham

    I’m not trying to make our national homosexual-extraterrestrial hybrids crisis about me, but I had a conscience sedation colonoscopy this week.

    While in a state of medically induced milk of amnesia, I had the passing thought that mayhap the medical community, in cahoots with the insurance industrial complex and MSM, have recommended these procedures as practice for the coming storm of power bottoming alien fallen demons. I tried to convey my disgust to the lab coats, but was quietly wisked away to an island of friendly cats that sang many of my Boxcar Willie favorites. I don’t know Stephenson, just when we seem to have a grasp on the conspiracy to bring about the new age, it’s all hobos and banjos.

  • Cassidy Pen

    It’s just that kind of left wing scLIEnce that has dropped American journalism into the depths which it has sunk during the Clinton and Obama regimes. When a mamby pamby bunch of rubber stamps go around legitimizing socialists in high office and then turn around to attack whoever enters office under the banner of making America great, again, we must all stand up a scream. It is of great importance that websites and journalism like which comes from Dr. Billing are still operating without having their office doors kicked in.

  • Jonathan Gleeb

    While the bottoms may seem to have the inner solar system in their lube-covered hands, we have to consider all the other factors here. The Clinton clones that run the deep state know that Uranus is the largest supplier of chemtrail fluid. It seems like Obama’s balls are tied to many more balls, all tied to one of the universe’s biggest balls. Considering this, I think that the organized cat trust is the most under looked aspect of concealed space colonization. The super-homosexuals want the smooth, white moon, and the uranium hidden deep inside in it. They can’t probe far in with the supercat colonies and all, so they focus on converting our nations frog population. Considering cats want to expand their territory into the outer planets, and that they can potentially solve the deep-states chemtrail shortage problems, it is likely that deep state support for the Uranus gayship will wane if the cats provide an alternative chemtrail source. However I am sure this will be only a temporary setback for them. When they come after us, the giant Trump battle robot may be our only hope.