It’s a common misconception that the sexually transmitted disease Neisseria gonorrhoeae originated with the Chinese. Ancient texts from Asiatic lands describe an old curse on these exotics peoples. It entailed unusual emissions from the reproductive organs and many academics have made several leaps of logic to connect these mythical stories to modern day bacterial infections. Others blame the Greeks, and while the Greeks pioneered many forms of perversity (including sodomy), in this case they are not guilty.
In my decades working as a medical professional, I have witnessed an endless parade of vice. It is can be seen the weary eyes and trembling hands of patient after patient. Contemporary degeneracy, however, is most evident in the mouth. Cavities, gingivitis, periodontal disease, oral warts, throat cancer, the list is a long one… Those who manifest these issues often have problems with diet, liquor, marijuana or methamphetamines. Indeed, many obese alcoholics are also carriers of “the clap.”
From Mountain Goat to Village Pub
There have been recent mitochondrial discoveries that suggest gonorrhea originated with a breed of animal known as “The Old Irish Goat” or simply Irish Goat. In centuries past, the natural habitat for these hearty animals was the remote crags and bogs of the Emerald Isle. When an Irishman first came to capture these beasts, he was far removed from his village and its women. These creatures have compassionate eyes and warm, lush coats. The lonely Irishman’s natural sexual drive was misdirected in these situations and often complicated by poorly-fermented alcohol (a problem that persists in Ireland’s distilleries to this day). Thus, the disease was spread from animal to man and from man to his fellow villagers.
The term “the clap” has a rather humorous origin. In medieval times, an Irishman, numb to the world from a night of whisky, would often clap his hands together to call his woman. As these mating calls were popularized again in the 18th and 19th centuries in pubs, there was a natural lexiconical association to gonorrhea, as these were the situations where the disease was most commonly spread.
When the Irish language was Anglicized, the phrase for clapping ones’s hands, “buail bosa” was often mumbled aloud simply as “BB,” In an Irish tongue “BB” sounds like VD, and is much easier to pronounce than “galar veinéireach.” Once the Irish began migrating abroad, their strange sexual disease and the clapping of the hands that was used to designate it, came to be known simply as “The Clap.”
Today, Irish pubs the world over are notorious for the clap. The women found in such spaces are usually loose and aggressive. They often initiate sexual banter and are prone to quick acts of intimacy in parked cars or abandoned buildings. The men are also forward in their fornication maneuvers, but their whisky consumption normally sabotages full phallic completion. This does not mean fluids aren’t exchanged, but quite often they’re the tears of a broken man weeping for his mother’s love and his father’s respect as dawn quickly approaches and the unlucky woman calculates her quickest path of escape.
If you have been sexual with a person from this part of the world recently, you may need to click here for some additional medical information.