Can Chihuahuas Cure Chemtrails?

Posted on by Doc Bacon
An ancient Aztec remedy is

Long known as a cure for asthma, Chihuahuas are offering hope for a new chronic health crisis.

An Aztec cure that has been used for over 800 years is proving to be more powerful than prescribed Western drugs in addressing chemtrail poisoning.

That miracle medication? It’s the Chihuahua, one of the most adorable and empathic breeds of dogs on the planet.

It wouldn’t be the first time that ancient wisdom has trumped Big Pharma’s moneymaking magic. Just like willow bark, mustard and almonds, this newly rediscovered remedy may be the best and least invasive way to deal with an illness that is reaching epidemic levels across America.

13th-century Mexicans identified the Chihuahua as an unusually potent genus of canids. Venerated as both a demigod and a delicious meal, they believed the animal could absorb the sins of its owner. It also was thought to be a spirit guide through the mystical perils of Ometeotl’s purgatory.

In contemporary times, Chihuahuas have been known to absorb the curse of asthma. As countless online testimonials prove, having this type of dog as a pet has been incredibly helpful to acute sufferers. When you let the dog lie on your chest each night, osmosis occurs with the lamina reticularis. The majority will notice that their pets develop wheezing and coughing after prolonged exposure to the asthma carrier. Sadly, the dog will die when it fully incarnates the chronic inflammatory disease, but the human patient will be completely cured.

In a paper published recently in the Journal of the Bioscience Research & Educational Institute, it was noted that Chihuahuas have been shown to have a wide variety of health benefits including promoting vascular and respiratory health, lowering blood pressure, stabilizing mind parasites, improving hydration, preventing Morgellon cramps, boosting fluoridation resistance, slowing the effects of aging and even boosting libido. As many will recognize, these are common symptoms of chemtrail poisoning.

The effects

Domestic chemtrail spraying has reached an all-time high under Barack Hussein Obama’s reckless regime.

Scientists at the Carnicom Institute have contributed to this evolving medical discussion by proving that Chihuahuas exhibit a unique gastrointestinal microbiome that triggers chemtrail resistance in human beings. This very microorganism not only reduces allergies, but also can combat the warts and ear maggots often associated with the chemtrail victim. Most important of all, this treatment is demonstrably effective in addressing the erectile dysfunction endemic in this community.

For families concerned about the New World Order agenda to destroy our inner cores of wisdom and sacred strength, Chihuahuas may be the best option. They can easily replace other types of pets in the home, particularly felines (which have been known to torment patients into relapse).

If you are unable to sleep with a service dog on your chest, you can also try crafting a garland from their dung, which will be warm to the touch and rich in pungent gastrointestinal microbiomes. Simply dry a dozen 4-inch diameter clumps in the oven and thread them together using all-natural catgut to create this home remedy. You might even want to finish it off with an orgonite charm at the breastplate to make this into a fashionable conversation piece for life on the go!

 

About This Journalist

Dr. Arthur Bacon Plimpton, DDS and BOHDSc, is a retired physician who spent decades fighting on the frontlines of America’s healthcare fiasco. Today, he uses his journalism to inoculate citizens against our nation’s pandemic of socialism, scientism and sexual perversion.

  • Marla

    My dog uses Chihuahus to wipe its ass with.

    • Haggis Chihuahua

      This is sore offensive. Especially because your dawg doesn’t have a clue how to wipe his azz. Nor does he care.

      Plus, a preposition is something you never want to end a sentence with.

      • Marla

        Thanks, Grammar Nazi.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Another outstanding and informative report. I like the idea of sustainable foods and impressed with your knowledge as always, Doc Bacon.

    Like little yippy codependents Chihuahuas will worry and fret over every little thing. If Master tries to take a nap, the little purse rat will run to each window yapping and shouting “Master is trying to sleep! Be Quiet so Master can Sleep! STOP MAKING NOISE! I will bite you for your insolence!” I do like Chia seeds, a by product of Chihuahuas and much less noisy.

  • Outlaw Josey Wales

    How are people so stupid, gullible, or in denial that they actually believe this?