Are Computer Programmers Descended From Ancient Aliens?

Posted on by Henricus Institor

Like the Rothschildian Illuminati, information architects are secretly scheming for global power and sexual acceptance.

In the last three decades, we have witnessed an unsettling rise in the number of people who self-identify as “computer programmers.”

Some argue that these young people have been lured into the lifestyle through reckless Hollywood propaganda. From Weird Science to NCIS, the liberal media has portrayed this subculture as nonstop thrills, full of fast-talking women and hot rod hard drives.

Others believe this shocking trend was concocted by the sociopaths on Wall Street. They’ve built up these keyboard junkies as gods who can grant financial salvation through a thunder of mashing keystrokes.

But could programming itself be more than just the latest youth fad? How exactly did this new breed of cold and calculating technologists claim so much power over contemporary society? Could their ultimate endgame be something far more sinister?

Over 80 years ago, German scientist Wilhelm König may have inadvertently stumbled on a clue that helps explain today’s programmer pandemic. Working for the National Museum of Iraq in the 1930s, he discovered an ancient battery, termed the “Baghdad Battery,” that could power laptops before the age of Christ for up to twenty hours. But why did these historic hackers need so much time online?

Newly intercepted evidence suggests they were torrenting extraterrestrial porn from distant galaxies.

If the ancient astronaut theory is correct, and alien visitors came to Earth to help humans construct monuments such as the Pyramids and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon as an affront to the Old Testament, it’s quite possible that some of these intergalactic architects were left behind when their mothership departed.

The “liberal media” depicts computer programmers as irresistible sexual adventurers, masters of digital manipulation in the dark web of fiber optic fornication now tearing our nation apart.

Lonely, and riddled with a lizard-like lust, ancient programming extraterrestrials may have sought out erotic imagery from their home planet before turning their tentacles on to carnal copulation with the human race.

This certainly explains the surreal sexual nature of today’s information extremists.

The phantasmagoric horror, the virtual fetishes, the perpetual masturbation, the ritualized interfacing, all suggest something quite not of this solar system. Indeed, much programmer porn revolves around alien costumes and “RPG” (which some suggest really stands for, “reptilian penetration gangbangs”).

It also explains why the programmer is a master of obscure tongues.

Today’s technological extremists use an obscene and reckless babel of languages to communicate their anti-American agenda.

These shifty-eyed alt-shifters can speak in a babel of languages with names like “Perl” and “Cobol” and the ominously abbreviated “PHP.” A few even indulge in “JavaScript,” which has been likened to the slurring speech of Satan himself.

It’s no wonder that they call all this “coding” since normal people can’t break the code of all the secret sex slang they swap in darkened workstation dungeons, far from the prying eyes of Mother and Moral America.

All this begs the question: Did ancient forgotten aliens mate with humans out of sexual frustration and are we finally seeing those bastard bloodlines manifest themselves in today’s race of carnal coders?

Curiously enough, this follows the pattern of the reptilian Rothschilds who themselves interbred with European aristocracy to launch the central banking cartels.

The physical world of global debt stands at odds with the software slavery of the algorithm utopia.

For the layperson, this simply means that the Illuminati is in an epic battle with these insatiable internet engineers. Both, in turn, are viciously fighting with the Super Homosexuals, who only recently recruited their own alien army to campaign for the universal supremacy of the Radical Gay Agenda.

Or maybe that’s just the CIA cover story they want you to believe!

Whatever the case, it is we normal patriotic Americans who have been thrown into a cascade of fatal errors as these secret powers wrestle for our eternal souls.

Four thousand-year old hieroglyphics suggest Trump may be a time traveler sent here by Nikola Tesla to save America.

But there is hope!

President Donald J. Trump’s brave war against science changes everything.

It once looked as if the programmer race was going to take over the world. But today they’re scrambling to keep up with his bold moves against overfunded Federal agencies and that entitled class of elite Silicon Valley engineers. H-1B visas be damned!

All this lends credence to the speculation that Trump is in possession of Nikola Tesla’s secret Vatican archive, or that the President was sent back in time by Tesla himself to prevent the complete annihilation of the American Way of Life.

When one decodes the Biblical symbols and cryptic Tweets, it only makes sense that Trump is here to save our world from these globalist gurus of the gigabyte.

So what should you do if someone close to you exhibits the symptoms of computer programming?

Experts warn that information engineers are notorious for their anger and profanity and that the public should proceed with extreme caution. Under no circumstances should they be given alcohol, particularly not in after-work settings that quickly descend into drunken bitchfests. The sexual rituals of these types are intense and bizarre, but for the most part solitary. Still, one should be wary if invited over to view a Beast Wars figurine collection in some programmer’s musky private quarters.

For families, orgonite and homeopathic medicines like vinegar or Chihuahuas possibly offer hope. Certainly, on this evidence alone, NCIS should be cancelled. Most importantly, President Trump has made it clear that ALL illegal aliens belong in FEMA camps.

With the growing number of tech firms fleeing America’s reborn nationalism, it looks like Donald J. Trump has taken a wrench to these intergalactic engineers embedded into the motherboard of our moral society. First the Paris Agreement, next public funding for higher education and then the estate tax for job creators! Thank God and the President (but mostly the President) that we Americans can now say, Not today, Zuckerberg, not today!


About This Journalist

Henricus Institor is the “nom de plume” of a former Internet hacktivist and high ranking member of the atheist radical elite. Yet even there, amongst the most dangerous liberals in the world, he could not hide from God’s Calling. He was reborn in the Blood of Christ in 2011 and today “Henricus Institor” serves as’s foremost expert on secret left wing agendas and global power conspiracies.

  • Blanche Beecham

    These information peoples are nearly as destructive to American Greatness as the radical homosexual reptilians.Thank goodness they [information bots] breed with great difficulty, unlike the full quiver conservatives that breed like feral cats.

    • I agree.More people should learn to just keep their mouth shut and listen.Not everyone has something important to say.

  • Nigel Covington

    I’ve said it all along, Donald Trump was sent to earth by God to stop Hillary Clinton and her dangerous left-wing nut job supporters from destroying America and the American way of life. The left has seized our kids through the public education system where their innocent brains are raped daily by teachers who educate them to think PC, they’ve destroyed the work ethic and turned children against their parents and government. And when it comes to a child’s moral values there are none. Children can masturbate with their friends in classrooms everywhere in America. And these Godless left-winged retards teachers they employ today encourage your precious Johnny and little Becky to mutilate their own, or a friend’s genitals so they can identify as something they’re not. This they have branded as the new normal. Trump is our last hope!!!

    • Stephenson_Billings

      You’re a wise man, Nigel! There is a huge amount of sexual self abuse (masturbation) among the programmer lifestyle according to everything I’ve read and the liberal media just turns a blind eye to it.

  • + No true christian should ever connect to the internet.I am nearly true christian,so i can still use it,but everyday i feel the curse,and i am ready to pull the plug and connect with the saviour.+

    • Stephenson_Billings

      Praise you, sister! Thank you for your testimony today!