Because Morning in America Wont Be Easy

The Internet’s preëminent literary journal of prepping, patriotism and prophecy.

Bizarre Late Season Humidity May Explain Why Hillary Is Beating Trump in Some Polls

Fri, Sep 23, 2016 | By Derby Mack

Hot weather is dangerous, but you’d never hear the liberal media admit it. They’re too busy celebrating all that “glorious sunshine” with coverage of half-naked youngsters frolicking on the streets like randy rabbits in a pepper patch. For the elderly, this is particularly infuriating. All this warmth poses grave health risks, including heat stroke and even death....

Does Hillary’s New York Health Scare Hint at a Marijuana Problem?

Sun, Sep 11, 2016 | By Kaylee-Aurora

When Hillary Clinton had her public freakout in downtown Manhattan today, the corporate media jumped into high gear to immediately manufacture a family-friendly “heat & humidity” narrative for national consumption. But watching the video of the Democratic presidential candidate stumbling out of the event looking dazed and confused, some serious questions were raised. Why...

Is the Clothing Brand Uniqlo Dressing America Up for Our Future Robot Overlords?

Fri, Sep 9, 2016 | By Henricus Institor

The big city success of Uniqlo has left many Americans confused and angry. The clothes are just too trim for a traditional heartland diet. They hug at your sides, they strangle your neck. There’s an unsettling simplicity about them. Unlike Ed Hardy or Victoria’s Secret, the apparel simply lacks the flash and thunder that consumers expect from their high-end retailers. It’s...

Did the Clinton Crime Family Assassinate the Loch Ness Monster?

hillary loch ness
Fri, Sep 9, 2016 | By Henricus Institor

In no time in human history has the science of deep-water exploration developed so rapidly. In the last five years alone, we have witnessed incredible innovations in sonar arrays, echolocation and parametric mapping. Now more than ever before we can explore the darkest sea caverns with stunning accuracy. While the advancements have mostly been funded by Big Oil and the United...

Will Apple’s Phallic New Earbuds Clog Your Third Eye With Homoerotic Fantasies?

Thu, Sep 8, 2016 | By Stephenson Billings

Apple released its prototype for the iPhone 7 this week and to no one’s surprise, the extravagantly-priced cellphone was riddled with subliminal Illuminati imagery meant to emasculate the American populace. The most glaring example of this is the new wireless earphones which are shockingly graphic in nature. The staff of this highly-touted “innovation” is long...

Comedian David Cross’ Membership in This Satanic Sex Cult Is No Laughing Matter

Wed, Sep 7, 2016 | By Kaylee-Aurora

I have a confession to make. I used to consider myself David Cross’ number one fan. His gentle comedy stylings and warm, inviting face always put me at ease. He wasn’t whip smart and certainly didn’t try to be, but there was a familiar quality to him. I felt he was the sort of celebrity I could share a bag of chips and a movie with. He really did mean that much to me. Then...

Should Wikileaks Release the Donald Trump Sex Tape?

Wed, Sep 7, 2016 | By Derby Mack

The images are rumored to be graphic. The scandal promises to be intense. Nothing has been confirmed, although the whispering campaign has already begun. According to sources, Senator Roy Blunt’s office tried to warn the Trump campaign over Labor Day Weekend. A certain New York journalist with a penchant for leaks and latex has been asking questions. But right now, this...

Homosexual Life Coach “Jonny McGovern” Is Radicalizing Gay America With These Shocking Training Videos

Tue, Sep 6, 2016 | By Stephenson Billings

Three muscled drag queens in shimmering gowns emerge from a black SUV. They scamper like lost mice for a mirrored door. The one in a hot pink wig presses the buzzer anxiously, while the other two scan the strip mall parking lot behind dark sunglasses. We’re deep in Pacoima, a dangerous corner of San Fernado Valley, the pornography capital of the world. These thrill-seekers,...

How John Turturro’s Feet Became the Breakout Stars of HBO’s “The Night Of”

john turturro
Sun, Sep 4, 2016 | By Kaylee-Aurora

A pair of humble hooves have taken center stage in the new HBO drama, “The Night Of,” and everyone in Hollywood is talking about it. Since the show premiered in July, media critics have been obsessed with debating the significance of John Turturro’s feet. Twitter feuds have erupted and lifelong friendships are breaking apart. No one can quite agree on what the plight...

Under Trump, Life in the Hipster Ghettos Will Face Renewed Scrutiny

Sat, Sep 3, 2016 | By Stephenson Billings

From Austin to East Bushwick, America’s unsanitary hipster slums pose a unique challenge for the presidency of Donald J. Trump. Illicit drug use is rampant. Sexual deviancy is even more so. Pot-bellied degenerates with long, oily beards wander the streets in urine-stained rags. They sing songs of entitlement and self-proclaimed victimhood. The women give themselves over...